Spinning eye,
Around go I,
On this endless Ferris wheel,
The merry go round,
Has come to town,
To twinkle merrily,
The myriad lights,
All blurred with sound,
As I twirl round and round,
Then with a wistful twist,
It turns to mist,
And all goes tumbling down.

When conscious thought drips from a silver spoon,
And puddles on the floor,
The mind roams free and wanders loose,
To revel in mystery,
It sheds the weight of living flesh,
And dances on the sun,
The tablets of time spin slowly through space,
In a glimmering haze soft spun.

Incredibly strange, first time going to a movie by myself, liberating and yet quite sad. It kind of makes me feel invisible. Sometimes it seems people stare at me as if I were an alien, yet at the same time I feel like I can move through the crowds, listen in on a strangers conversation, maybe even just sit down at the table with them, and they wouldn't even know I'm there... I feel like I've already forgotten how to speak, lost my voice, and everyone else is speaking a foreign language. I want to drink, I want the bartender to pour me glass after glass, and I want to be alone at that bar full of people. Maybe I'll talk to the bartender, but him alone. And finally, at some point, late in the night, I'll slide off that barstool and make that lonely walk back to my car, and go home alone.

I know of a great door which has no ****,
No handle to grip, no doorbell to throb,
Long ages I've sat against its base,
And dreamt of the wonders behind its face.

The whole of life dances on a knife's edge,
Like a needle balanced on a golden thread.

Hidden from the world, their expectations too high
I will never reach them, even if I try.

So I change myself; My face, my hair,
Everything that makes me ME, no one will care.

Soon enough, I'm not the same as I used to be
No longer that little girl that everyone loved to see.

I have become a fake person with fake aspects
So afraid of their expectations of having to be perfect.

I have lost the only people that cared about the real me
Now I'm a nail, holding up their reputations like the tool they want me to be.

I am defenseless and the only thing I can do is be quiet
This is what I wanted, right? The new look, personality and diet.

I wanted to reach their expectations and still I fail to do that
I changed myself for them but still they walk all over me like a mat.

I guess their expectations were too high, I couldn't go that far
Now I have to live with them ******* me dry of myself like the leeches they are.

Let the rain wash away your sins
And bring a burning fire into our hearts
Fighting to stay dry,
To live.

Let it drip down your face,
Rush down your body,
Rejuvenate the soul.