another day another mistake
these bad habits I can't seem to break
it's as if they posses a mind of their own
my will wavers whichever way the wind is blown

indulge in excess
time and time again
I repeat the process
repent then sin

rinse and repeat
the guilt consumes me
I never seem to learn
at least not fully

even when I spend months on end
sober and free and conscious again
the cycles always draw me near
like a siren's song I can't unhear

I return to hell to make my bed
and as I lay in it - soul half dead
I come to terms with the fact
that this was my consciously chosen path

an unfamiliar feeling
that feels awfully right
an ephemeral state
a shimmering light

i've met this stranger before
the nomadic apparition
standing by the door
with a whimsical disposition

why are you here?
i question the ghost
for it mysteriously visits
its skeptical host

i think, for the time being
you're here – let's celebrate
might as well bask
in the absence of pain

yet wrought with nervous thought
i cannot withhold my worry
i cannot subdue
the anxious query

how long will you stay?
i want to question the ghost
but before i manage
it's vanished
from its skeptical host

why is it so easy
to break beautiful things?
to **** a bird in seconds
that took millennia to sing

i cradled that glass
i held on for dear life
and all in an instant
it slipped before my eyes

broken glass on the floor
funny how the shards sparkle
only boasting their magic
after their downfall

can't handle much more
this feeling is awful
every moment so tragic
can't get enough though

your heart and mine
evolving from nothing
since the beginning of time
shattered in seconds
cause I said the wrong line

it's funny how fragile
god made beautiful things
it's pretty ******* tragic
some birds never learn to sing

death beckons
and i long
for sweet release
from dreary song

old friend
or friendly foe
merciful end
i want to go

death is memory
not unkown
merely forgotten
as we've grown

looking back
looking ahead
mirror image
t'was always dead

universe
one song
eternal curse
to go on and on

ringing round
in my head
no escape
wish i was dead

doom and gloom
no hope for the future

mother nature is dead
i didn't mean to shoot her

dead men walking on borrowed time
there ain't no reason but plenty of rhyme

debts will be paid
for our crimes

whether we're sitting on billions
or nickels and dimes

feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of suicide
flood into my consciousness
an unrelenting torrent of dread fills every crevice
of the dark hollow cavern that is my mind

there is no way out
every direction i look turns into a dead end
king midas of death, my mind is my bed
made it up and now i lie in it

every path leads nowhere good
two paths diverged in a dreary wood
and i took neither, frozen in place
waiting for the inevitable

thoughts of hope
haha just kidding...
...unless?

i would love to cry
i sit on the edge of my bed
for hours on end
pushing as hard as i can
but the tears won't come
to release my anguish
and wash away the pain

dwelling on the past
time ceases to progress
trapping myself
in a prison of eternity

i'm still here
things are still, here
everything has changed
but the pain is the same

the air is stale
habits beyond the pale
never seem to get it right
always doomed to fail

stuck in the stillness
****** by the illness
does god hate me?
or is it myself that did this?

there it is again
that sinking feeling
so familiar
yet so foreign

i can't quite make out its origins
but it visits me from time to time
twisting my guts
scorching my soul

there is a certain comfort in its familiarity
i've known this feeling for years
it was there when i was young
and stays with me as i grow old

but as the duality of life is omnipresent
there is a certain dread in its familiarity
i remember it from hell
and it follows me as i search for the lord

loops of thought
my mind is madness
loss of hope
my heart is sadness
loss of sense
my world is senseless
loss of self
i am defenseless

pouring out my sorrows
like a drink for an old friend
but in truth i'm all alone
it is myself that i mourn