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Ali Jan 3
another day another mistake
these bad habits I can't seem to break
it's as if they posses a mind of their own
my will wavers whichever way the wind is blown

indulge in excess
time and time again
I repeat the process
repent then sin

rinse and repeat
the guilt consumes me
I never seem to learn
at least not fully

even when I spend months on end
sober and free and conscious again
the cycles always draw me near
like a siren's song I can't unhear

I return to hell to make my bed
and as I lay in it - soul half dead
I come to terms with the fact
that this was my consciously chosen path
Ali Oct 2019
one day i took lsd
my famished soul drank all it could see
i sought answers, maybe god
but horror upon horror was all i got

i woke up to the realization that
i was responsible for everything bad
guilt and pain and fear consumed me
beaten down by my ego's contumely

the mind is truly a wicked place
it can twist your world, contort your face
staring down the devil, the reflection in his eyes
gives away the mirror upon which his visage relies

t'was myself i feared the most
the ephemeral glimpse of a lurking ghost
the screams from hell echoing near
but they existed nowhere beyond my ear
Ali Oct 2019
feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of suicide
flood into my consciousness
an unrelenting torrent of dread fills every crevice
of the dark hollow cavern that is my mind

there is no way out
every direction i look turns into a dead end
king midas of death, my mind is my bed
made it up and now i lie in it

every path leads nowhere good
two paths diverged in a dreary wood
and i took neither, frozen in place
waiting for the inevitable

thoughts of hope
haha just kidding...
...unless?
Ali Aug 2019
loops of thought
my mind is madness
loss of hope
my heart is sadness
loss of sense
my world is senseless
loss of self
i am defenseless
Ali Jul 2019
there it is again
that sinking feeling
so familiar
yet so foreign

i can't quite make out its origins
but it visits me from time to time
twisting my guts
scorching my soul

there is a certain comfort in its familiarity
i've known this feeling for years
it was there when i was young
and stays with me as i grow old

but as the duality of life is omnipresent
there is a certain dread in its familiarity
i remember it from hell
and it follows me as i search for the lord
Ali Jul 2019
i would love to cry
i sit on the edge of my bed
for hours on end
pushing as hard as i can
but the tears won't come
to release my anguish
and wash away the pain
Ali Jul 2019
pouring out my sorrows
like a drink for an old friend
but in truth i'm all alone
it is myself that i mourn
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