The waterlilies
Float above graceful Koi fish
White and cherry red
Amongst ripples cast through ponds
Of alternate dimensions

Whilst white sakura
Flow like the wind through long hair
Outside car windows
During the sunniest days
Of an endless rain season

Clouds glide across sky
Like those wet waterlilies
In search of lost time
Yearning for life in the warm
Recesses of all-being

Share with me Cherie  
The life you left unwoken
Asleep under ice

Send me your sweet heart
Riddled with self-inflicted
Knife wounds I may mend

I feel in your words
In your thoughts the flesh you sear
In hope of sealing

And hiding the pain
Of existence without love
Living from below

You are not alone
Cherie do not
Be afraid

Cherie please
Do not wait
For me

Stagnant
In the fields
And it starts
The patter
-ing
The drone of the swarm
Lovely warm insects
Above my head

The first thunder
In years it seems
As though the lightning
Strikes down through
My soul
To reach
Ground

And the rain beats down
On our roof
Like a hurricane
The sky full of
Explosions
Quite
Alive

Through godsend
At my window
I gaze into
The abyss
And the
Dark clouds flashing
Leave me
Mesmerised
Once again

I pushed away all hope
Of reclaiming
Myself
From the dry heap of used
People
Stacked high in the corner
Of your bedroom

Don't die, be happy
Not miserable, this is
My not-to-do list

I think about life
I look up to the old clock
I watch the time leave

The dark room is a matchbox
And she's a perfect match
That's why it chose her
The bodies were replaced when no one saw
Pressing against the rusted grid
Spattered with blood, The wrong hand
And through it the man came
His boots like cannons
He tore that painting in two and chewed on its soul
Losing himself in the colours


My eyelids dropped like weights
Down, down, down a hundred fathoms
And blue rushed in through the cracks
This far down the birds begin to chirp
Time stops when you watch it, a shy thing it is
But the day flies by before it even starts
Sitting up in my bed I could hear the footsteps
Felt but not seen
I cried out for him
Huddled under the covers

Have I told you dear
How in the Summer
When Mama
Was still here

And the Sun God shone
Down my shoulders
Flowing over
My soul

How I loved sifting sand
Through my fingers
Watching the waves
Grow nearer

How I loved the ripples
Lost in my eyes
The rushing
Those waves

The sudden crashing
The not knowing
The dragging
The cold

The under water rays
Of light beaming
A fleeting glimpse
Of gold

Lost in the depths
Forever
Until

Spit out on scorched shore
For air
Gasping
Exhausted
Reality

I am here
Back here
Without you dear
Drowning

You may be right
But we all have our own fences don't we,  Cherie?

Cherie: a sweet name
A dear name
For a dearer mind

But,  angel
There is honor in the flight, you know
It is better to have flown
Than to be forever grounded

It is more noble to have know
Than to be eternally  lost
In ignorance

My battered heart
I hope you may mend
Dear Cherie

But you must tread carefully
On this fragile soil
Dear friend

.... My own name
..... Is Niklas

Trust me there is no solace within these walls

Oh, angel,  if I could only tear open my heart

And find you inside

Oh angel, if I could ride on this acidic wind

Over the concrete bars and skeleton trees

High up with their planes

Back to sweet home

Back to my old life

Oh if I could turn back time...

To find my family there...

Kind spirit

Your letter has saved me

Stuffed under
These barbed fences

Built by those devils

And you are my angel

My link from the nether

Herded like sheep
We trudged through the 9th circle
Fewer than first started

Those souls we left on our way
Those souls will become letters
Stained with tears and wine

But all is grey here

My family
Where are they?

Oh,  Mama and Papa

Where are you now?

Each shephard sat around his feet
And as he pause they wonder
What secret would he say
But his solemn mouth speaks only
Of a sage of the holy way
High atop an ice breezed peak
The sage can be found to speak
To sing songs of the great Jomski

Who did command ten thousand men
On frigid Icelandic sea
Soaring 'neath open sky
In longships landed these men ashore
To plunder and pillage all in sight
And settle and rest did each man then
And drunk on their worship soon begin
To sing songs of the great Jomski

And when one day the great Jomski lieth
On damp soil wounded by the fateful spear
A solemn dove could be seen flying
Towards those mourning friends of home
With dreaded message of his dying
And as such crowds flood his sombre wake
All who cometh doth partake
To sing songs of the great Jomski

I fought against the beauty of the automaton's playing
Seeing it's calculated metal digits scanning keys
The languid symphony as a set of logical steps

And you'd think it would sound robotic
Remember those old movies: evil robot, red light
A computer voice lecturing feeble-minded people

Something missing from the synthetic noise
Something human.  But each note is met perfectly
The sound so beautiful I try not to hear it

Because if this machine has succeeded
In the only thing left to make us different
What am I exactly?
  
What is life?
And what is lust?
What is love?

When the only thing to make us human
Is our stubborn belief in being special
Floating in this endless unforgiving Universe

Where are we going?

If I only spoke to you
You would think of me as a genius
You'd have no idea
Where my terrible thoughts originate

Or if I spoke in riddles
That you could mold in your head
Transforming them into new feelings
Things you already know

Maybe that is what I do
When I cheat your mind
I use you like a psychic
Preying on vulnerability

A medium for the subconscious
Twisting vague words
Which only work
If you believe them

Do you really think you'll never change?

Your heart will never be the same
Do you really think you're the one to blame?

You're seeing changes every day
Feeling things that you can't explain

Do you really think it's ok
To think your whole life away?

Do you think there's nothing more than now
Nothing left to learn?

But what do you know?
And what else can I say?
You know you just have to go
You have to find your own way

So you're probably feeling
The same things as me
You probably want to run
You probably want to hide

You probably never thought
You'd ever be
Who you are
Who you've become
Now this tension runs your life
You've been caught

And yes, it's going to be hard

But Never
B e l i e v e
Or think
You Are Alone

You aren't
And you never will be
I'll be here
And we'll get through this
Together

I was hiding behind my sunglasses
On the pier that day as chatter filled the air
I saw smiles in the bustling crowds of a species I hated
There were stares from every side
As people spoke behind my back
I couldn't breath, they had cornered me

Tears ran down eyes where no one could see
Blood ran down my throat from bitten lips
And did you know I was too afraid to hug Nan?
Beacause I was afraid of what people would think
I was afraid of how I looked
And I think every day of how I'll never see her again
And how that was the worst thing
I've ever done

Everyone writing
Now who is there left to read
No one understands

I sat with my hands
On this awkward holly leaf
Forcing its yellow-green spikes to pierce flesh

Passing my fingers
Over the points so pretend real
Peeling off each limb one by one to make it ordinary

Reading the tombstones
All lined up in morgue fashion
Imagining those souls who were one day transformed

Into stone-carved letters
Names and dates and flowers
Slowly lessening visits from moved-on people

Who try not to think
Of their own temporary selves
As ticking timebombs testing every limit until one day

I walk diagonal
Accross the road to the redness
That catches my eye filling my head with metaphors

Those church wine petals
Scent as sweet as the Eucharist
Having been inside for so long I am drunk on the sight

I am born again
Brushing against plants for contact
Suddenly noticing the life energy contained within them

You can take all the right turns
You'll end up where you started

10 degrees west, swiftly falling south
Things go downhill

You become the things you longed to be
Create the truths you're dying to find

Always looking forward
Leaving more of yourself behind

Go ahead and write all the right things
And remain a non-entity to me

The darkness like a thick mist surrounds us
Until we choose to forget

We wallow in involuntary  thoughts
Of the things we choose to regret

The bets we decide to take
Say that's how it's going to be, and go

I was blind but now I know
I will never see

Calm bamboo sandals adorn my soles
Tapping along stone tiles
Soaked in the Sun
Red flags float along the Summer breeze
Blown by the wind
Like dandelion seeds

Suspended in the sultry July air
The kiss of first-lovers
The sweetness of a pear
Lost between pillars on an ardent August eve
A friend beside the river
A dream upon a stair

O this city of stone, this city of wax
This city we carry
On all of our backs
This city of stone, this city we adore
This city will rise
And rise forevermore

This city above the sea, built up upon the clouds
This city of fortune
And freedom's sweet sound
When the new sky has come and the old one is gone
This city will forever
Be where I belong

I cannot cry my lord where am I and why
Lord can I not cry on these dying lies
Nor return again from fields that wilt
To sheath myself by my sunken hilt

I travel through time to a time I was heard
Believing a song but forgetting the words
In my funeral robes of white satin at night
I cannot see my god between the dark and the light

If you had given me one reason to live
Oh if you had only given me a soul to give
If you had delivered to me the courage to forgive
Oh if you had loved me, enough to forbid

Oh Lord what have you done with my heart
The abhorrent creature which hides in the dark
Less than the beast of something which flew
The broken silhouette of something which grew
From the ashes of the great creator

The stone will climb, I am confident
The same stone, same mountain
Same result, and up again
I go tired and on the verge of collapse
Yes, I have become stronger
And yes I will continue
As the sun retires red and fading
The crows return to their nests
Sleep taunts me insufferabely
Right or wrong is a choice
But the right answer is wrong

I can't write

I can't write

And the posters on the wall
Tell the same old story of love
And infinite possibilities
How shall I waste my time?
Staring at the ceiling above

The same old story

I don't know

Where will I get my strength from
When my knees fall beneath me

The vena cava explosion
Liquid sadness fills the emptiness
Left by the betrayal

I feel like less
Than a worthwhile person
As I hammer this final nail

Lowering my voice
As if there is some lesson
Which would render life bearable

Some snake oil remedy
Temporarily for sale
Somewhere else

I wonder
Is there is anyone able
To feel the way I do

May I somehow transfer knowledge
To you
What am I saying

Sorry
Who the **** even are you anyway
I am sorry but
Who am I talking to

*The line is dead

Sighted lost
A splintering boat
Upon a storm
The rain ran
Relentlessly
On black waves
As meteor stars flashed above
This vessel
Struggled

The Sun's light
Pours
Over squinting eyes
Like honey
Shining crows caw
With the tree's leaves chuckling
At something unfunny

I decay inside
With my honesty in my head
I have become rotten

A spectre of nothing seen fleeting
Running like the mist
Beyond the light
Followed vainly
In a dream
Like midnight
In the darkness
Not alive

Flicking through photos online
Of nights out I wish I were invited to
The cameras flash and all turn and look

Putting on their best smile
All dressed up for this social competition
Faces under make-up almost beyond recognition

I am jealous
Oh look, there is my best friend
Who never seems to talk to me
Who never sleeps alone

Who feeds me advice
From websites he thinks
I haven't already read

Yes I know what Dr. Whatshisface said
Yes I know it will pass
Yes I know that it's all in my ******* head

And I may be bitter and lonely and angry
I may be often inclined to whine and to moan
But what sane person enjoying their own time
Needs so many ******* pictures to prove it?

Oh look there is everyone I ever loved
Oh look there is everyone who never cared
Far away on the other side of the country
Not wanting to know me

Their smiles taunt
The arm around the shoulder
The fake friendly satisfaction (I hope)
The vainly sought interaction

I am jealous
And I realise
How tedious are their ordeals

Their false social conventions
I hate every single one of these
Disgusting self satisfied short sighted

Pretentious people
But I will always long insatiably
For their attention

The cold is as sudden as a memory
Of something once forgotten
When the tide decides to drown
My aimlessly drifting self
I'll watch the blue light sift through in rays
For as far as can be seen
From the bottom of this tranquil sea

My teeth fire like machine guns
Rattling in my mouth two rows have begun
To battle, these goosebumped limbs will not behave
As they should do
Droplets of debris frantically scatter
My body an earthquake
My mind overcome by the waves

Until I have collapsed
Upon the burning sand
And I am glad I could not stand
I lay motionless upon the palm of God
A soft fire surrounding my very being
Like a warm blanket upon a winter's evening
The Sun's love massages my naked back
Like a helping hand
My only friend

I have lived many years
As a mouse
Many years I have lived

In this house of umber
I have kept
Asleep I have slept
Gazing
Watching

Clouds floating
The vibrant trees
Their descendants

Through my many windowed
Walls of slatted wood
In Summer breeze
I have gazed

For your eyes
I have slaved
For your feathered face

Excuse me
I don't have to
Love you
Or anybody

Maybe they told you
But you don't deserve
My forgiveness
You *******
I'm sorry

I owe you nothing
My love that you shrugged
Is no longer in stock

But my hate
That's another story
Endless
But never enough
To heal
My broken heart

I am lying
Below this tree
On my back with the bats
I see it rising like a mushroom cloud
Bellowing upwards to cover me
Glowing in the moonlight; moonlit
A river flows beside it

While tufts of grass reach
Over its banks
Like peasants at golden gates
With arms outreached
Pleading
To satisfy their thirst
In the stream of life
Unaware of the soft dew
Upon them

In the dark
The solitary streetlight
Reflects upon the water
Under
The blackout skies
A horde of medieval torches
Dances
Like dragonflies
Like fairies in little ships
Their ceremony
Continues

I wondered why the birds sang so late
On this gloomy Summer's evening
It was like a dream
A lesson I had not yet learned
Were they calling out
For the Sun's sweet return?
Do they not know their efforts were in vain
That the passage of time is as inevitable
As the falling of the rain

On the thin film of my umbrella
The pattering continued
In an irregular beat
Droplets formed like a masterpiece
Dripping down around me
I felt as though I were in a dome
A cosy bubble to call my own
I walked on

And finally reached the old church
And though I am not the religious type
I could see its worth
And it's ethereal beauty tonight
Sitting beside the cold stone wall
Sheening with the light that reflected
The rain was illuminated beside me
On this solemn dedicated bench

I looked out to the bay where the land
Molded around the sea
And I saw a lone swan soaring across the rippled water
Gliding gracefully stoic like a banshee
Through the misty downpour
My ill omen
I saw determination in her steady course
And a pensive sorrow in her solitude

I sat there for a long time

The sky had darkened
And angels on long shifts
Flew past on the roads below
I gazed again and she was lost
In the shadows, now perhaps snug in her nest
Her job she had done well enough
For today
Another soul she had saved
As the moon guided the waves
She would rest
And I would be on my way

The water sparkles like the time
I spilt sugar all over
Your kitchen table
Each granule reflected the sunlight
A smile splashed across your face
The silver fish re-emerge

Jumping in parabolas
To see where they are going
I don't think they know
When they are down there
And the frothy shoreside
Reminds me

Of the milk that rushed to the floor
After my clumsy hands betrayed me
I'm glad you weren't mad
I'm glad you didn't slam the door
Your wide mouthed laugh was there
To console me

You don't know

That I love you.

That I need you.

If only...

It tells us so much
When. A. Small. Dot. Makes. Us. Stop
We hold the power

The grand scale of things seems unimaginable
When our children listen to the legends and grow
Altering art in new amazing ways, watch their faces
So beautiful and young but still like those in their history books
Only wearing new clothes

When you showed me your words and your heart
In that moment my mind became opened to all of history
I remembered how this was only just the start
I supposed the beauty was created by me

I thought of the children

Their minds seeded on the shoulders of their heroes
Take a little here, borrow something there and create a dreamworld
You can see the cross section of youth and life in their words
In the ways they manifest beauty from something so much worse
My pens reflect the Sun's light spread like petals in their ***
I lift one out between my torn and faded fingers
And I hope I may have the privilege to be a part
Of humanity's ever changing plot

I am once again silenced at the precipice of speech
On the verge of verbal expression I falter
Stutter, mutter, fumble, and tumble over words
As if they were more than just words
And really something physical
Something I could touch

Eyes converge on my lips like a lens
Focusing the rays of indignation so it burns
Charring and shrivelling, those black paper butterflies
Flutter in my chest and tear up my insides
Moving towards my head, stop my lungs
I can't breathe
My heart is a flooded
Watergate, a dam rushing
A machine out of control
I think
I think
I think
I think
I'm on the brink
My mind is a man
In danger
His out of breath lungs breathing acid
Pursued by a hooded knife
In the lonely dark he runs
But reaches a dead end
No way out
No where to run
He spots the shape, the only escape
A silhouette in his eye
He wishes he would collapse, so he could just
Relax
Retire with a sigh
The burden off his mind
Everything gone
He would finally die

The sky departs and clouds surround
Our ship is on its way through the atmosphere
People gaze like ants from the ground
As the cockpit vibrations shake in fear

Thin wisp clouds disperse, hear the whip crack
As we climb higher over our tiny blue world
The sky darkens. Blue, navy, indigo, pitch black
We detach and float, spaced out in a whirl

I look out the window into the silence
At our planet and realise how small we all are
How big and empty is the universe
How my home is away so far

From way up here the whole world is green and blue
Humanity and its problems seem off in a dream
And the challenges I face, we face, what to do
Are no longer as hard as they once had seemed

Are you
In pain
Or in the ground?

Would you prefer
Silence
Or no sound?

Are you
Homeless
Or in debt?

Would you prefer
Disappointment
Or regret?


Are you
Deceased
Or confused?

Unmarried
Or abused?

Are you
Single
Or alone?

Alone
Or on your own?


When the long nights come
In a world that's all wrong

Where there are two wrong sides
To every bed
Where every sword
Has a double edge

Will you rebel
Or make a change?
Will you walk through hell
Or stay the same?

Will you use your anger
Or succumb to rage?
Will you play the part
Or take the stage?

I'd like you all to know
That I don't care what you think
So much so that I write it in ink
Because I really don't care
What it is that you think

I care so little that I want it sung
From the highest tower,
To ring through your ears
Like the school bell has rung
I am not on the fence
I want you to cower
At my great ambivalence
My nonchalant power

As you are aware
I wrote this poem for you
Instead of living
Outside in the Sun
Where diamond rivers flow
In the breeze the leaves blow
Because I really don't care
If you are aware
That I don't care
Because I really really don't
And I just wanted you to know

Listening to my CD's late at night
In my room
Classics
Songs that molded impressionable children
Full of life and passion
Running hand in hand
Through the pouring November rain
Shaped a generation...
The eternal art of legends
Will all be forgotten
Like you
It makes me cry
They are no longer with us
I never got to meet my heroes
People who influenced me so much
And so many others

I heard the news today, oh boy
Bowie died and I cried
I heard his final songs
And I didn't sing along
I did not interrupt
I cried more than when my grandmother died
David Jones is gone


"Ground control to Major Tom.... "


I heard the news today, oh boy
And what did I find
Eyedea is gone, his message left behind
A true soul moved on
To the void
Drugs again...
When will it all end
I played his songs for hours
Through the night
I cried
And I cried
I cried more then when my mother died
I felt nothing then
And I moved on
Forgotten...

"The snow won't melt...
The fog won't clear..."
Oh how I wish you were here

What happened to the children we left behind?
Skipping through summer forests
Along sandy beaches
When the tide came in from the ocean
They spent their days playing, still lost
In our minds but forgotten
Playing pretend while the adults
Lived on the outside
They saw everything
Every smile faked
Every dream abandoned
Their innocent minds wondered in confusion
And when we wasted away behind unfamiliar walls
And faked smiles from plastic faces in white coats
The children were listening behind closed doors
In the dark
To our last dying breaths

My eyes disconnect from my fingers
Mind from my body on the screen
And lingers
With the walking stick limp
That taps along the concrete
His scraggly white beard blowing in the wind
I saw the old man earlier in the street
I held my hand up to the light
To see if it was fake

Watched the old woman pass
With her brown paper bag
Rip and tear
Assortments spraying like paint
Vulture children swooping down in a rush to eat
Minds so full of hate
Confusion in every eye that sees
I wonder why I bother
Oh my mind is slipping away
My guard is down
Glued to my chair
Pulling out my hair
And there is
So much to choose from
So much
To be done
Here
This is not an exit
And you have not won

The birds chirping outside my window
Their song is so beautiful in the early morning twilight
Their hungry chicks are waking in their nests
And my mind is in need of rest

The sun has barely risen
But the sky holds a hint of blue
And the rain looks cold as it showers down
Onto grass leaving morning dew

Hours ago my mind was still active
As much as it is now hours after
I'll try to sleep soon
And tomorrow I'll wake in the afternoon
But my dreams will be filled with laughter

Tea stained table oak
Writhing in vines
Newspapers and coffee
Coffee shop chatter
Voices raised in laughter

The cry of sacred life
The high pitched giggle
Which brings us right
Reminds us of Spring
Reminds us we're alive
Young unintelligent design
Destined to die

I see God
In the faces of children
In their innocent play
In their minds not yet
Twisted
By the world

A God more beautiful
Than any religion
Can give us
Can tempt us with
Any temporary fix

Beauty fills my brain
But I can't finish this
Across the table
You look like bliss
And I long to live
Forever
Just like this

The night sky's
One great eye
Followed every step
I placed
Along paths
Rain displaced
Along streets
We traced
Reflected on puddles
With one jump came crashing
You looked up expecting
An explosion
In the sky
Fragments of the eye
Mother's broken plate
Father's hand across
Your face
You waited with a sigh
And a disappointing taste
Filled your mouth
What a waste
You thought is life
Without strife
And
Without love
As the moon shone
Staring down from above
And we continued on our way
Tempted to live
Another day

SPARE SOME CHANGE
COLD, NEED FOOD
The desperation was clear in the man's writing
On the crumpled trashcan cardboard
You saw him laying there on the cold concrete
In the frosty graffiti street
Against the worn down door
His unshaven face looked up
His wide eyes pleaded
And you looked away

Look away, look away
The stone angels cannot follow
The concrete terror
Can be forgotten
Others will take the stage
You never had the courage
To make a change

*So look away

Taste the black and white keys
Caked with the blood of passion
Sweep the streets of keyless doors
Find the lock that fits under the trees
Ration the waves of this nation
And the lonely desert breeze

I have seen the golden sheen
In the alchemy of ages gone
I have worn the berserker's skin
And sung the piper's song
I have heard the sound of earth
And I have learned the beating of the land
I have learned that God can not be captured
By any mortal man

The tower will always fall
But flight will forever be ambition
The human soul is impregnable
The revolution never asks permission
To place that first brick down
Take more than it's been given
To see God within the clouds
And pull him down to be forgiven

The leaves were prisms of glass
Light scattered in every direction
Flowing green over stream and bush
Warm and lovely and lush
I stopped to stare through honey-filled eyes

The softly winding gravel path
Marked my way between the trees
Birds sang and flew between their nests
Sporting their technicolour crests
Leaves drifted through the summer breeze

I could not prevent my pleasant smile
Or so you had told me some other time
The rushing water tessellating, sparkling
And alive with the spirit of joy
Drowned out my often crowded mind