My best friend doesn’t talk very much,
He listens sometimes, nods his head and such.

He sleeps all day, loudly most times,
Unbothered by me or nickels or dimes.

He smells damp, his feet are warm
Circled next to my head when my mind is a swarm.

My best friend always knows what to say
If the piles of stones in my head start to weigh.

In that, he doesn’t talk, or even really touch,
He just listens sometimes, nods his head and such.

Nobody would believe the reason I know I am more depressed today, than I was before,

Is based on the cleanliness of my cats litter box which I emptied every 3 days. Yes. I'm sorry. I worked alot. I was forgetful. I still am. I felt so guilty. I still do.

Now, I try to every day. I try. Every day. So tell me, how can I be more depressed? Shouldn't I be lounging around in bed? Forgetful?

No. Listen to me. I know it. I really am. I know I'm more depressed now because I am taking care of my cat more...which means I'm trying not to focus on me...which proves I'm not focusing on me...oh wait I'm not focusing on me...oh wait......wait me......wait....wait...


Me.

In welcome old Fido is barking
But cats are too haughty for marking
If tenants are home,
Or off on a roam.  
A shut-in gets cranky and carking.

Impatient, a lion will roar
And kitty’s meowing at the door,
Because paws are fumbling;
At doorknobs it’s grumbling.
Once launching a robin can soar.

When the sun goes down
And the Moon is high
The padding of feet can be heard
Along we with a small scratch at my door
It would go unheard if I did not know to listen for it

In the dead of the night
A black, starless night
No other sounds are being made
Except for the croaking of frogs
Not yet the chirping of birds

He comes to my bedroom door
And expects to be let in
So I leave the warm embrace of my bed
And let him in so he can be a good friend

Tears streak down my face
Because of the sadness my body holds
I reach down and embrace him in my arms
His body warms mine with his soft fur and beating heart

Together we make our way back to the bed

If these paws could write, I would tell you thank you. For my food bowl, for the water bowl, for the treat bowl I loved ever so.

If these paws could write, they would tell you how much I loved your warm clothes from the dryer. The way you held me in your lap while I slept. I would write about how much I loved being your baby.

If these paws could write, they would write about how you saved my life and gave me a second chance. I would write unending about how I could fit in the palm of your hand, and how you gifted me with sight that I would not otherwise have had.

If these paws could write, they would tell you how grateful I am that I got to see you and to be loved by you; how wonderful to have become part of such a large family, and to be surrounded by my own kind and people that loved me.

If these paws could write, I would write you a sonnet that Shakespeare could never dream of. I would tell you how happy I was to make biscuits in your lap, and how you put up with my sharp claws that dug into you with love because I felt safe.

If these paws could write, I would write to you about how happy I am now: to be free of pain, to be able to see without any problems, and to be with my sister, brothers and nephew again.

If these paws could write, I would tell you this: do not be sad because I am gone, but be thankful that I was here. Cry if you need to, but not for too long. I understand that goodbyes are hard, but you will see me again. Don't let your heart get so heavy, that you don't let another in.

And since these paws do not write, I will say that I love you, and my last word will be the first one I said to you:

Mama.

I close my eyes. My hand held by the ones I love.

Suddenly, a fading of time occurs. I am warm, like I am wrapped up in a blanket that smells of mom's clean laundry. A Euphoric noise fills my inner ear, trickles into my head and down my face. There is a growing Light, like sunshine behind my sea salted eyelids.

And then, something cold and wet brushes my cheek. My eyes open. There you are wagging your tail before me. "You're home!" Your eyes whisper to me.

Heavy paws now on both my shoulders, your rough wet tongue cannot be controlled as you lick my face from chin to ear.

"I'm Home".

There are cats in all my dreams,
And I don't know why

Cause I don’t dream of tuna
Or mice or flies

They sit on windows,
Waltz through halls

Stare from the ground when I fly
Nudge my knees when I’m naked at the ball

Watch as I drown in honey
Paw at the bugs crawling up my arms

Sit on my lap as the plane goes down
Chirp along to the fire alarms

Do cats run out of dreams when they sleep?
And so wander into other people’s?

Is that why, when I wake up,
My cat always kisses my temples

I really hope that you understand how much I love you, because I love you SO much
You are currently chewing ends of my glasses, and I'm letting you
You are my literal sunshine, you always make me smile no matter how horribly depressed I am
You are 7 years and 3 months old; I know you're getting older
You're technically a "senior" cat now, and I am so grateful that you're here with me right now
Every day I beg god, the universe, any higher power, I beg that you're happy and healthy and that you'll stay that way into your 20s
I can't imagine my life without you
I know you can't read or fully comprehend human words, but I really really hope you feel how much I love you, in every pet, in all the scratchies, brushies, in every cuddle and kiss
I know I upset you when I trim your claws and paw fur, and when I take you to the vet, but I do it because I love you
It makes me endlessly sad and anxious that you're a big boy now; I know your joints will get tired, your fur will turn white at your snoot, you'll sleep more
I know that you growing older isn't something either of us can control, but I don't know what I would do without you
You have been there for me through the worst parts of my life up to now
I want you to be there with me during the best parts too
I want you to meet my spouse and my kids when I grow up (if I ever get married)
I pray that you'll be with me for at least 13 more years
I know one day your breath will get heavy and troubled, your joints will ache all the time, I know one day I'll have to do what's best for you in your old age; I know I'll have to hold you close, with tears running down my cheeks, and I'll tell you how much I love you, until your beautiful little heart stops beating and your little lungs give out
And I will sob hysterically, scream and curse god for taking my baby boy
But until then, hopefully far far far from now; I will make sure you're happy and healthy
You will always know that you're my baby; that you're my home
I love you, my fat little man

i’m not afraid to say it,
i need it out there so the world knows
how much i love you and how much i treasure you,
and how i’m not ready for you to go
but you deserve to be free of pain
even if life won’t be the same

i’m so thankful you kept your daddy happy
long enough for me to meet him
and that you two shared so many memories
so many journeys, so many stories
and i’m so thankful you became my baby girl too,
that the memories you two had together
are memories you let me see,
and so thankful i have my own memories of him and you and me

i’ve loved you dearly, even when you were naughty
and i’ve loved you as you were happy, playing with the hose
i’ve loved you as you sun bathed
and as you’ve cuddled with me in the cold,
and i’ve loved you as you ate treats
and got excited for fresh meat,
i’ve loved you jealous of the new puppy
and i’ve loved you bright and smart and sneaky

and i love you now as you tell me you’re ready to go
and i’ll always, always love you, more than you’ll ever know.