Mar 16

I should have listened to sound advice
But I went back, not once but twice
I called her honey
She took my money
The punishment was worth the price

There once was an amorous "brony"
Who went on a date with a phony:
   His date, Mr. Ed,
   Masqueraded as "Fred",
A horny young My Little Pony.

He wouldn't compose a cantata,
A symphony, song, or sonata.
   The best of his best
   Is a piece that's one rest
Played largo, and with a fermata.

I rewrote the story of Tristan
And added what always was mistin':
   The leps and Isolde
   Drink love potion-soda,
Then clusterfuck, crazy with fistin'.  


#love   #lust   #romance   #sex   #limerick   #literature   #tristan   #orgy   #isolde   #iseult  
Mar 15

Think of me, just my tongue gliding from the bottom to the very tip,
Dreaming only of a tasteful sip
Under the table
If I'm able
To catch just a simple drip.

Don't blame me, inspired by the man in a boring meeting with only time to kill.
#sexy   #humor   #limerick   #adult  

If I had enough wits to fly,
I'd like to escape the sky,
I'd leave in mid-June,
wave bye to the moon
whilst riding a huge firefly.

I. Marvelous Blarney
There once was a man from Killarney
Who looked like a lumpy Art Carney.
   His cup, though, was brimmin'
   With beautiful women
Because he spoke marvelous blarney.

II. Dirty Girl
There once was a horny young druid
Who watched as a woman bathed nuid.
   She got out the tub,
   And she gave him a rub,
And he slimed her with seminal fluid.  


I. Lots of Luck
There once was an old Irish rover
Discovered a bright four-leaf clover.
   He reached down to pluck it
   And then kicked the bucket:
He bent down and died bending over.

II. Fairy Folk
A bonny young lassie named Mary
Fell hard for a laddie from Derry
   Who never would try her,
   But only passed by her,
A fairy in search of a fairy.

III. Boogers the Best
There once was a man from Racine
With boogers the best ever seen:
   He'd pick one and lick it,
   Then roll it and flick it
Till all of his fingers were green.

A serious limerick is awful!
It's sinful and ought be unlawful!
   A limerick should tickle
   Your funny bone-pickle  
With humor that's downright guffawful!

I can't get up out of my bed,
there's bombs going off in my head.
Drank a boatload of rum,
which it turns out was dumb,
and now I just wish I was dead.

#rhyme   #limerick   #booze  
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