There are two kinds of lives
Examined and unexamined
So we see two kinds of drives
One of grace the other famine

Two lives
Intertwined
In the line
We call time
In a bind
Of the blind
Versus kind

We needed an example
Of how to be nice
Though those were ample
We found Jesus Christ
To lead the way
Through the fray
Until the day
He was slain
And died for our sins
Because the bad guy wins

Now when
Holy men
Goal tend
We bend
To their end
As they send
Us to mend
A devil's den
That is of their apocryphal creation
Of which they deny any relation

There are no angels and demons
Only people who are the reason
For this devilish season
And those who are not
Are caught
In the empire crossfire
Until they retire

Floating through life peacefully
Treating everyone equally
The people at the steeple see
Ways to help through deep beliefs
But others pervert it
To divert it
And insert it
Into hateful ideology
That falls onto me
Ominously

The imposition of their will
Is how they get their fill
Becoming jaded predators
Not caring who must be killed
Our pain doesn't register
Once we're billed
Cash in till
Their heart goes still

Pain lingers
From bane stingers
Of shame singers
And grave bringers
Using slave fingers
As blame flingers

The righteous save brothers
The wicked blame others
The two became lovers
To hide pain under covers
Because the righteous
Want to be like Jesus
Once the wicked fight us
The righteous leave us
To turn the other cheek
Until we're up **** creek

Plenty of people act like Jesus unintentionally
And live life exceptionally
Others study religion fervently
Yet continue hurting me
This dichotomy
Is odd to me
Do we need God to see
A way to be?

The real dichotomy is net negatives versus net positives
Though we may never conceive
A measurement I still believe
This battle exists
Our actions persist
But the only judgement we'll receive
Is in the way we're perceived
Yet society's goals aren't the same as humanity's
I know it sounds like insanity
But we act counterintuitively
Like the lawyers suing me
So they can get theirs
While saying life isn't fair
Which may be true
But only because of them
So my frustration grew
Once I saw the problem's stem

I wanted to be a good person
But then I got headaches
And bad breaks
From high stake
Mistakes
Growing jaded
After society graded
My endeavors slated
As failures awaited
I became one of them
A broken gem
Can someone please save me
From remaining the same me?
Or will I spend my time
As part of the grime
Not reading the signs
Until the day I die?

Wait
These aren’t my hands
These can’t be my hands
What are they doing?
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t do it
He didn’t do it
Who listens?
It glistens
The pearl of sin
Nobody wins

Wait
Those aren’t my eyes
They can’t be my eyes
The horrors they’ve seen
Never gazed on by me
Surely not
Look away
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t see it
He didn’t see it
Who scoffs?
It stops
Time itself
Puts lies on the shelf

Crash!
Who’s there?
With torn hands
And vile eyes
A terrible stare

     Drink
What?
     Drink.
No
     Drink.
Please
     Drink.
It’s poison
     Drink.
I’ll die
     Drink.
Why do you want me to die?
     Drink!
I want to live
     Drink!
     DRINK!

     Drink from the broken cup
     Filled with lies I spew while you sup
     Now you know the cruel tale I spin
My love, I hurt
     Such a cruel
     Cruel
     Whim

What does it mean to cry
When feelings stay locked from the
Surface
Emotions I fear
Crammed into small tears
The tears that I make myself
Forfeit

What does it mean to hurt
When the scars are from those
Who don’t know you
They’ve watched you grow up
And you feel their love
But they don’t know the real you

When I’m asleep I run
Down a path in a gold
And green
Meadow
And someone’s out there
With true love to share
Then I wake in the real world
Feeling alone

Alone
I’m home
That shouldn’t be so
Where’s the log to my fire?
Because I’m working for me
And I’ll never retire

Bring on the thunder!
Bring on the rain!!
There’s no true life
Without some small pain
So I’ll be the thunder!
And I’ll be the rain!!
I know how to cry now
So I’ll work through the pain

If I’m coming alive
I acknowledge I hurt inside
My tribulation brought me to salvation
I had to suffer to write
I don’t need you to understand my plight
Just know that I’m coming alive

In denial of the homicidal
In my mind

Who did I ****?
Eternally enveloped in ectoplasmic ethereal Blood
That’s not really there
It returns to the air
There’s no body here
Oh no
I’m empty I
I
I
Wait
He didn’t die

What did I ****?
I can’t possibly be aroused by empty notions
That’s not really true
It remains in the air
And the pieces are here
Oh no
I’m full I
I
I
Wait
Those aren’t mine

I sit and shine
With a smile inside
Fat with the deeds that abide
So say it
Shout it
Scream

I killed myself

Double homicide
I can’t deny
It’s not what you think
The old me long dead
The new me is too
The only me is now
Morning
Night
And noon

It started out as an innocent fall.
A folly to solve something inside.
It burned me.
It hurt me.
Now I die when I’m awake.
Feels like my livelihood’s at stake.
How can I be a man
When the mirror brings me down, jeering…

Don’t fight it,
Learn to love it.
I saved you,
I built you.
I raised you

You try to save the day for yourself.
You try to hide the pain for your health.

Now to the mirror with the reprobate frame of mind,
I hold the hammer that shatters you and your kind.
I won’t hide,
But I will cry
If that’s what takes me home.
You won’t win,
I’m up again.
Broken shards to atone.

Gasp!
A choke upon my own garbled breath
Am I a real man now?
Or am I just dead?
A look around
A brief pat down
I survived it
I lived it
I did it
I was it
I still am

Wheeze!
A choke upon my own weakened stance
Am I losing now?
Or just dreaming in bed?
A nasty dream
Pulled apart at the seams
I crave it
I’m late for it
I parade it
I did it
I was it
I still am

Cough!
A choke upon my own stifled laugh
Am I peaceful now?
Or still in the blood bath?
I wipe my brow
I’m better for now
I escaped it
I believed it
I couldn’t **** for it
I ran from it
I did it
I was it
I still am

And if you’re not careful
Soon you will be too

If the beat of the drum
Is the rolling thunder,
And the lull of the flute
Is cheap defense,
How does the music keep me
Asleep inside?
Perhaps the conductor
Is a wicked protector.
And the orchestra summons
The wayward ******.
So look me in the eye
And sing the songs.
My own civil war was right all along.
Because only on the inside,
War is song.

Splash
What’s that?
Splash
How’s that,
Splash
Possible?
Splash
Plausible?
Splash
Splash
Downpour.
­It rains here,
Yet the sky is clear,
And the ground is dry.
No spots in the sky.
Yet it rains...
It rains.
It rains.
Red
Black
Thick
Red
No...
It’s blood
And I feel
Drained
It’s my blood
Falling from the sky
Coming from a monster
Previously slain
Yet like this ground,
I feel so dry.
Run
I run
I run faster
And faster
He’s behind me
He’s gaining
He’s in front of me
And he says
Smile.
Flash
The ground is gone
I fall down, down, down
And upon my head
Appears a crown
With the inscription
“Little Reprobate”
He flies above me
He says Hi.
Tells me to smile
And I fall
There are shackles on my feet,
Pulling me into the sea.
Shards of silver,
With broken glass,
Litter the sea floor.
Stop.
He swims like a shark
Stop!
He reminds me,
In the cold I’m coming for you.
STOP
I should have known
There’s no peace in the pond
STOP!
The broken glass glues as one
It forms a door,
To another shore,
With a doorbell
DING ****!
DING ****!
DING ****!
I ring frantically
He opens the door and says
Die.
I SAID STOP!
You little fool.
Flash
I’m back,
I’m home
In this prison of innocence known.
Here he has no Red Throne.
For I’ve seen with my own eyes,
Dark places are my reprise.

Why do you hate me
Only to hurt me
You’re incapable of painful feelings
You need to love me
You need to need me
Convince yourself that I’m the love you seek
You shouldn’t see me
You shouldn’t know me
Like the earth you quake as you’re shifting
You need to want me
You need to need me

Because

Your broken soul
Has become infested
Don’t force your way close to me
Just because you’re
Socially rejected

No?
Yeah.

You’ll never hear me
You’ll never steer me
You parasite
Without me, you’re nothing
But you’ll never forget me
And you’ll always regret me
For I’ve become a better you