you hurt me
like no one else has
you were the last person
i thought would ever do this

I've been hurt before
but not by you
until now
until this

you're just like them
and i hate saying that
but i hate what you did more

you are my love
my life
my everything
the one i was going to spend my life with
but you ****** up
oh man did you **** up
so bad

and now i don't know what to do
with myself
or you
with us

i take myself out of the situation
and i have my answer
but i am in it
and so my answer changes

i think if this were a movie
id be yelling at the girl to leave
but its me
and so I'm saying stay

i am in love with you
but i know my worth
you say you're sorry
i don't know what to believe

you lied to my face
and broke my heart
you broke my trust
and all i could do was cry in your arms

lemonade album is on repeat
and i can't get you out of my mind
or my sight

i have never been so confused
on which path to take
what will i regret doing
leaving
or staying

i regret introducing you to my family
i regret showing you my heart and mind
i regret moving in with you
i regret our love

you broke my heart
and i don't know what to do
you're just like them
"it won't happen again"
"I'm sorry"
"i don't know what i was thinking"

but they were never the ones
you were the one
but i don't think you can be the one
anymore
you ****** up
more than you think
and no one even knows

no one knows the tears i cry
the notes i make
the pages i fill
the mind i attack
the heart I'm trying to rebuild

everything you did
turned to ****

i walk alone now
something i thought id never have to do again
i stand alone
and i will rise alone

why do you write
to float.
to soar
to explore my own thoughts
to explore the skies
the grass
the corners
and alleys
every crevice of my mind.

i write to learn
i write to be happy
i write to let off steam
i write to float off
and dream
of skies that are purple and pink
the grass that is blue and brown
the people that are pink
the skin that is changing

i write to create new things
create new worlds
create new rules

i write all the rules away
i write all my fears away
i write to choose my world
the one that is chosen for me
cannot control what i write
they cannot influence what i write
i write
and write
because I can
I can do whatever I want when I write

I can float
And writing is the only thing that can lift me
And that is why I write

it makes me feel
it makes me float
and discover new things
i see the world in a new light
maybe the right one
where everything is a theory
everything is not as it seems
everything is your mind
you see things
that you didn't see before
you think about life
like you have never thought about it before
you reflect
and imagine
and laugh
and each room is a different world
universe
galaxy
you're awake
forever
you drift to different lands
you're peaceful
you think you're enlightened
until its been 12 hours
and you come back down
you're placed back into your room
and its just four walls painted a sand colour
with your textbooks and laptop on your desk
and your laundry sitting on the floor
the floor that is still
and hard
and isn't going anywhere
you're back
in this "life"
thats so dead, you wonder why it would ever be called life
so you sit on your desk chair
open your laptop
do your assignments
and continue on with this pre assigned path
with pre assigned ideals
you can't veer off
unless you decide
to take a trip

he's the one
i know he is
the way he makes me feel
the way he cares for not only be but for everyone else
hes smart
he's happy
he's healthy
funny
inspiring
cute
athletic

i miss him the second he leaves
but I'm happy knowing he's living his best life
i find comfort in him even when he's not around

we're silly together
we laugh
we dance
we sing
we argue but we work through it
we understand the other persons point of view
we respect each other

i know his family
he knows mine
and i hope someday our families merge
and then we create our own new family

i don't know exactly what i want in life
but i know who i want to share it with
its only been a year and a half
but when you know, you know
if things keep going this way,
i know i will always be happy

he takes care of me
he loves my nieces
and i hope one day they get to call him uncle
he is one of a kind
and it makes me cry of happiness to know that i found him

he is everything to me
i hope he is always happy
and healthy
and i hope he gets his dream job
and always has days with the boys

we're on a journey
together
there are bumpy roads
smooth roads
rain
sunshine
hills
and suburban roads
but the music is always on full blast
and our tone deaf singing is even louder

I'm sad again
and sometimes i think i know why
but other times i really have no clue
i could write a list of all the things going wrong in my life
but i could write a longer list of all the things going right in my life

yet i want to crawl into bed
and cry
and cry
and cry
and never come out

i want to hibernate
i want to swear at the world
and go axe throwing to let off some steam

at the same time
i want to hug all my loved ones
get together with them and eat cake
i want to go out to a paint night
and laugh with all of my friends

i want to travel
explore
find myself
and smile so much that my cheeks begin to hurt

but I'm still sad
and i don't want to leave my room
i do
but i don't

i don't know what i want
i don't know why I'm like this
i don't know how ill ever accomplish anything
if i don't even know what I'm doing right now
which is nothing

i miss you so much
and it bothers me
that you will never be able to meet him
the man of my dreams
the one who restored my faith
the one i am in love with
it bothers me that you can't meet him
you won't be there for my wedding
you won't be there to see your grandkids

its hard not having you around
i want to share all these moments with you
but i can't
ever.

i wonder what your reaction would be
if you really knew
if you really truly knew
i wonder if you would be closer to me
or further away
would she bring us closer
or tear us apart
maybe i don’t tell you
because deep down i already know
maybe i already know what would happen
but it doesn’t matter anymore anyways
its too late
she’s already here
under this roof
in my moms room
on my moms deck
drinking from my moms mugs
sitting on my moms chair
theres nothing i can do
but wallow
and have self pity
but of course that doesn’t help anyone
except maybe give me a bit of release
but at the same time i feel like I’m a guest
in my own house
i don’t feel like this is a home anymore
i feel like i don’t have a home
i don’t feel that i am at home for the summer months
i feel as though
i am visiting
and you are patiently
or impatiently
waiting for me to leave in september
i feel like a burden
but at the same time
i am the only one who cares about anything
and you wonder why i cry
every night
and refuse to talk about it with you
how can i
when the person who makes me cry
is the person you put infront of me
what would you say
if i told you
the one tearing your daughter down
is the one person you give everything to