You call me shy
And mock my every move
You make me fight
Just to prove myself to you...
Thoughts

You tell me lies
And trap me inside
You make me cry
Leaving me sleep deprived...
Isolation

You tell me I'm not wanted
And pierce my flesh with your impurities
Until I've gone too far
Killing me along with my insecurities...
Depression

You make my heart beat fast
Whenever someone walks past
You make me feel
Like everyone's judging me...
Anxiety

You remind me of everything I've done
Telling me I'll never be good enough
That I'll never be loved
Because I've done too much...
Regret

You lock me to the ground
Placing chains all around
You make me want to hide
From the world outside...
Fear

You take everything from me
Leaving me broken and hopeless
You drain my energy
And leave me restless
You make me nervous and anxious
Over absolutely nothing
You let me feel nothing but pain and suffering...
Life

Sleep deprived and weary-eyed
Thoughts of death and suicide
Hiding the pain and imperfections
Trying to exceed all expectations

Cutting and burning away insecurities
Saying, "I'm fine," and ignoring my feelings
Every day the same as before
Living and breathing becoming a chore

Waiting for something I know will never come
No reason not to pull the trigger of the gun
Waiting and waiting for something more
Running further and further, knocking at death's door

How much longer will I be here they ask me
I say, "I don't know." But I do, I'm just waiting
Five, four, three, two, one come and find me
Or not because if you don't I won't be breathing

Good bye world
You're all better off without me

The dripping of blood stolen by the blade
Tears streaming down her cheeks and rolling off her face
Flesh splitting open with just one slice
"Next time," she cries, "next time will be the last time."
But the truth is she doesn't really want to die
She just can't stand to live with the pain that she's in
The pain, the torture that only she can end
The next time she presses down even harder, heart beating fast
She counts down from ten and pulls the blade across her skin
The world around her growing dim
If only they would've cared
If only someone had been there
The reality of it all is sad to say the least
But the girl left there to bleed would surely disagree
She got exactly what she wanted - the end to her constant grief
Darkness destroyed by darkness, a soul at last put to peace...

I wish I weren't so shy
Maybe then I could tell you why
I have reason to hide
The way I feel inside
But I can't, because I'm shy...

I wish I could tell you
How much I love your smile
And how your existence
Makes life more worthwhile
But I can't, because I'm shy

Without you I am incomplete
I feel an emptiness deep inside
And not being able to tell you these things
Makes me want to cry

I wish I wasn't an introvert
Afraid of every guy
That simply says hi
As I happen to be walking by

I'm shy
Without a reason
And don't understand
Why this has to be

I don't want to be shy
At least not in front of you
I want you to know who I truly am
And tell you every reason why
I feel the need to hide
But can't, because I'm too shy...

Rejected
I am cast out
For no one cares
What I am thinking about

Love is overrated
And I do not deserve any of it
For I have done too much wrong
To be forgiven

I'd like to be loved
But what is that to you
You simply care
About nothing but yourself

You say things that burn a whole in me
You tell me to be
Someone I am not meant to be
You make me see the things
No one should ever have to see

Why can't you be more caring
And just love me the way I am
Instead of just staring at me
And pointing out my mistakes

Rejected and alone
I look for a home
But turn up emtpy
And completely unknown

Then you my father
Took me in again
Only to beat me
And put me in pain
For I am worthless to you
And deserve to be
Without any hope
To have or see

Having taken my last strike
I am dying from being alone
My whole entire life
If only I was loved
Then I would have something to strive
To be
To want
To have
But maybe
I'm better off alone
Drifting in the bottomless sea...

Animals are loving and kind
They know what you're thinking
Inside your drifting mind
They understand the pain you feel
All the time

They comfort you
Like no one else can
They sit in your lap
And lick your hand
They look into your eyes
And see the hurt deep within
Then move into action
To give you peace again

You love them
And cherish them
Like a true friend should
You guide them
And tell them
All about the world
How cruel and unforgiving
It can be
And then you tell them
The beauty of the sea
And all of the creatures that live within
How happy and wonderful they are
And how they don't have a bar
Keeping them trapped in a box
Of loneliness...

But then when they leave this earth
You feel an emptiness inside
You feel all of your joy start to subside
Then you finally come to see the truth behind it all
The truth that sets your happiness aside
And brings back all of the pain inside
For you have lost your one and only friend
Who has gone above and beyond
To love you within

Now that your best friend has left
There is no reason to be alive
You cared for that animal
And gave it your life
Now, no longer happy
But trying to stay alive
Forever stripped of your pride
You subside
To darkness
For light has not won
But failed to complete
The soul within
Now you must compete
To gain courage again

But now it's too late
You feel your heart stop
You freeze in place
Bracing for the drop
You feel the world fade
Before you had a chance to say
How sorry you were that you made a mistake
But now you are safe
In the realm of death
No longer living
You are without breath

Wanting to live
But instead you die
Even though you did your best
To try to stay alive
You failed and are now
Stripped of your pride
Death overcame
The moment gone
You say your prayers
For the last time

A part of you happy
A part of you sad
You were so different
And felt so bad
But don't worry
For you are no longer living
But you're still sorry
That it had to end

Good-bye world
I hope to see you again...

She was the runt
And I loved her
So why did you take her
She was the only one
Who could see
The pain inside of me

Why did you do it
She never did anything to deserve this
What she deserved was high respect
Yet you took her life

She was my only friend
And what a dreadful sight
To see my one true light
Deflate into the night
Right in front of me

Her blood red as wine
Dripping down her face
As I watched
Her life gave way

Her heart turned to ice
While I cried
I heard her breath suddenly subside
Realizing it was time
And she had just died

I mourned in grief
My heart full of pain
My mind full of hate
For she was my only hope
And had suddenly escaped
The world itself
And with her was my heart
Along with a gate
In which my trust and love was kept

Now left alone
To fend for myself
My thoughts drifting far away
To the day my beloved Leah
Was taken away....

They rejected me and mocked me,
And threw me away.
I remember their insults to this very day,
But I learned to forgive and forget all they'd said,
Even though I cry at night in bed.
For they know not of what they've done,
Now I don't hide, instead I run
Until I escape and get far away.
Then I can finally throw their insults away

I haven't a place in this world
I have no one to trust
I have a need to hide
I have a want to trust
I have a want to love
And to be loved for in return
I have a need to glove
My feelings and my hurt
So no one will every know
How much I feel like dirt...

I once fell in love,
I was the olive branch
He was the dove...
I thought it was true
That he loved me for me
For I never knew
It wasn't to be
The two of us together
For eternity...

I am but a hopeless soul
Drifting in the sea
Of all my tears
From heartache
And painful moments
Why does this have to be
I want to know what love feels like
I want to find a man I trust
While he also trusts me
For I am but a hopeless soul
Drifting in the sea...

If only you knew…
You say I deserve joy
But it is not true
For I have done too much wrong
If only you knew…
Every day I look back
And see my past
Full of terrible sins
For darkness always wins
You call me innocent
But I’m the complete opposite
If only you knew…
I wish I could tell you
But I am too ashamed
If only you knew…
Then maybe you would understand
Why I am not worthy
Of joy
But I can't tell you
For I am full of pain and worry…

What do you see when you look at me
Am I beautiful
Am I nice to see
What do you see when you look at me
Am I smart
Am I bright
Such as a light would be
What I see when I look at me
Is a painful soul
Alone and without any hope
And a girl who has never been bold
So...
What do you see when you look at me...?

I was made to rise
So why am I falling
I feel so empty and broken
Why can’t you fix me
For I am calling
Out to you
Why do you ignore me so
When I need you the most
I’m feeling so lonely
Please don’t leave me
I need help to be happy
For I am lost…
I am hurt
But I can’t find healing
This world keeps on stealing
My joy and happiness
And replacing it with sadness
I’m depressed
And I want to rise
To the top
So I can claim my prize
True happiness
For the rest of my life…

I'm sick to my stomache
From being alone
Rejection and heartache
Breaking every bone
For I was laughed at
And made fun of
Thirteen years straight
Feeling as if I was locked behind a gate
Every day is always the same
Sadness, depression and a whole new pain

Being alone forever is my fate...

I'm tired of being treated
As if I am worthless,
And have no one in this world.
I want to have friends
Who make me feel important,
But I have quite the opposite in fact.
They make me feel less special,
And as if I need to act
To even compare to their importance.
For I am worthless and alone
Running farther, and farther from home.
Every second feels like years,
My face is stained from tears.
For, like you, I have fears
And I am scared.
I am depressed and weak,
And in need of comfort,
And healing.
Because I am stressed,
From feeling so worthless...

What if I could go back,
And erase all my painful memories
So dark and black
What if...?

What if I wasn't alone,
And haunted by my past
Afraid to look back
What if...?

What if I was loved,
And had lots of friends
That didn't kick and shove
What if...?

What if I was known,
And not unknown
What if...?

Like a tree loses its leaves
I lose my hope
Like an ocean rolls with rage
I cry out in pain
Like a flower that wilts
I am slowly fading from the light
With every step I take
Soon there will be nothing else...
If I pass out of sight
Who would care, unless they are blind
And unable to see all of my flaws
And mistakes in life
Having been pierced by the night
I will soon disappear from sight...

Can't you see I'm broken on the inside
Don't you ever wonder why
I am always alone and crying at night
Don't you care, or are you really that blind
That I'm invisible to your sight
But maybe I am better off alone
And going about completely unknown
For even if you spoke to me I would never reply
Because I am broken on the inside...

When I wake up
I have to yawn
And stop to think
"What am I doing wrong?"
Everything in life is so hard
And I'm struggling to survive
Just taking the time to yawn
At the crack of dawn
Isn't as easy as you would think
Everything is gone
The second I blink
Left all alone
I yawn
Trying to clear my mind
But it never works
It just makes things worse
Fills my mind with the things
I have done
I am drowned in darkness
Without a ray of sun
Completely alone
I yawn...

Why is the world so harsh
That it makes me alone and sad
And feel as if I am merely trash
Why can't it be full of love and kindness
Instead of all of this pain
And blindness
I'm sure if I weren't alive
Everything would be fine
And not drenching rain
Full of regrets and failures
From past experiences
For I am merely trash
Rejected by everyone on this earth
Who are all about making cash
And don't have time to worry about my hurts
They destroyed me and murdered my heart
And left me with a rash
Of painful memories both present and past
But who cares
For I am merely trash...

Being alone is hard and sad
You feel like nothing compared to others
If you weren't alive everyone would be glad
And you think
Am I really that bad
That I deserve to be alone
Being alone is painful
It makes you depressed and weak
Fears hidden behind your fake smile
People think you're happy
But really you're just hiding the pain
From being left alone in the rain
Being alone results in pain...

If I told you what I've done
Would you forgive me
And move on
Or would you hate me
And be gone
I need to know how you feel
Am I important to you
Or am I just a tool you use
Am I a light to you
Or a sea of darkness
I need to know
Won't you tell me
So I can know for sure
That I am not alone
And that I can trust you
No matter what
I need to know if you'll love me
Enough to never leave me
That you will help me
Even in my weakest hours
Please tell me
I need to know...

When our pain
And hurts
Bring us to the ground
We are broke to pieces
And pushed around
By people
And their faults
Which make us feel
Even worse
Than we did when we started off
For faults and failures
Are where we find
Pain and guilt
That we can't leave behind
For the past failures
Show through our fake smiles
And destroy what's left of us
Once and for all
Giving up
We take the fall
Not caring about the pain
For we are numb
From soaking in the rain
For we all have our faults...

Why is the world full of sin
We do so much wrong
Why do we let it win
Us over until we've gone
Too far to take it back
Or to even hide
What we've done
We know we sin
But why
Why is it done
Why can't it be
Something else
Someing beautiful
But instead we choose
To be hateful
And sinful
And I am ashamed to say
I have sinned terribly
I admit I have been there
And done that
I wish I could take it back
But I can't
If I said I could
That would be a lie
For I have sinned
But I am asking
For forgiveness
And a second chance
To start over
And not do the things I have done
When you're a sinner
You never feel like a winner
But rather a loser
All because of what you've done...

You found me
And loved me
And I am touched
By your generosity

You encouraged me
And helped me
To see
Things I have never been able to see

Why you are so nice to me
Is beyond my comprehension
And I am absolutely astonished
That you noticed me to be
Someone worth talking to
Even though you live far away from me

I don’t understand how you could care
About my pain
And my feelings
My wants are few
And my faults are many
Yet you seem to compare my faults
To the price of a penny

You look past my faults
And into my heart
You heal the inside
And fix the broken parts

You know what I feel
For you yourself
Have felt similar things
And know how to heal
The things inside of me
That I myself cannot see

You see my pain
And sympathize completely
To the things that have hurt me
So that I can feel
The love and comfort
I don’t deserve
But desire to be given

I thank you with all I have
And all that I am
Thanks you
For bringing the healing
That I have been needing

Now you have a friend in me
And I hope we will be
Friends for all of
Eternity…

When I wake up
Realization strikes
My fear and pain
Pour down on me like rain
Stirring up my failures
And bringing me to say
"Why did it have to turn out this way?
I never meant for this to happen,
I am sorry. Please forgive me..."
But it isn't that easy
Because even though
they might forgive me
I can't come to forgive myself
For I am in pain
My eyes are stained
For I have payed
The price
Of eternal pain
Because I made a mistake
I will be alone forever
Drowning in the rain
That I have made
And to be forgiven is impossible
For I cannot forgive myself
I treasure every day alone
Reminding myself
Why I am this way
Because I have been ******
By the world and its flaws
That is why I will be alone
With no mercy
For I am paying the price
Of being alone
For all of eternity...

When you insult me
And mock me
I feel ill stricken
And defeated
For everything I do
Is to help you
And keep you safe
So why do you treat me like this...

Why do I deserve to suffer
For your faults and mistakes
Why do I get beaten
For you sake
I give you my all
And put my life at risk for you
So why do you treat me like this...

I want you to care for me
As I have cared for you
But instead I get hurt
On your behalf
And ground down into dirt
Don't you care
That you tore me in half
If so
Why do you treat me like this...

I'm alone
And with nothing left
My heart is broken
All of my joy stolen
From all mishaps
And thefts
The past stores
Because I'm not perfect
For no one is
But all of me pours
Tears of pain and heartache
For the want to be loved
To have a peace inside
But I will never be loved
Because I am meant to hide
Stripped of pride
I cry tonight...

Alone once again
Or so I thought
Alone with no gain
But a lot of loss
Alone again with broken pieces
Alone again with no good reasons
To move on in life
Or even try to collect
All of the broken pieces
And try again to find new reasons
As to why I am alone and fighting for attention
And why I am so lost in life and not to mention
Why no one cares to seek me out
But instead decide to doubt
My existence and importance
Without so much as a glance in my direction
Alone again without a doubt...

People don't understated
The way I feel
For I am in pain
And need to be healed
For I am depressed
And cannot comprehend
The faults and mistakes
I have committed
For I am cracked in two
And running further from hope
But also love
Because I have faults
And I have hurts
I tried to have love
But it was destroyed
And I was left
With no hope or comfort
And now I am once again alone
But also prone
To be drug into another sin
All because love couldn't win
And save me from all of
My ***** sins...
So now I'm without hope once again

Alone, the girl cries tonight
Too broke to even put up a fight

Her heart broken by a guy she'd met
Who made fun of every word she said

Why did she have to be so different from all the rest
Why couldn't she just be cool and fit in

All she ever wanted in life was to be noticed
To have friends like all the rest

Someone in whom she could put her trust
But before she had a chance her heart turned to rust

Her last breath a sorrowful plea
"Please, never forget me!"

And with that she had fallen to the ground
Never again to make another sound...

We see and hear things
That one cannot explain
We hide it and secret it
But still feel the pain
And regret forevermore
For we ourselves
Are afraid of what may happen
If we let our secret slip
And that secret we hid for so long
Becomes known
And others are shown
What we did
And refuse to forgive
The secrets we kept
For deep within
We can't stand the thought
Of being known
For our past
Instead of what may be in store
For we have hid
A secret within
One worth showing
But not actually knowing
The truth behind it all
For we all have our flaws....