Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Hollie Mar 14
I can breathe
Eat and think
Without you

I cry like I'm mourning you
Squeeze tightly on your jacket
And take slow deep breaths
Because not being friends is ******* me

I don't need you
But if you were here
It would be easier
Hollie Jun 2023
Another job looking to hire
Resume uploaded
No I don't want to upload a cover letter
Yes I have the right to work
Click click click
It's almost robotic
Senseless and pathetic
Rejection after rejection
Sometimes it's radio silent
Clicking hoping for a reaction
Getting repetitive but I'm hell bent
To be among the many who slave away hours
Days into nights and again
It's a silly thing to envy
But it's the only independence
clicking can give me
Hollie Sep 2019
I lost before it even started
You didn't want someone to love
you wanted to know you had it
knowing that would have saved me from this
days of silence, messages being ignored
I wanted to be enough
more than enough
I was naive for love
wishing I was enough
for perfect you
perfect you seemingly humble
disciplined and new
nothing like the other guys
stupid little me
I should have knew
i'm nothing to you
Hollie Jun 2023
You deserved to feel safe
and i'm sorry the pressure to be more
Will always be crazy and cruel
And I wish I had saved you,
Being young was meant to be all fun and games
Not torture and pain
And i'm sorry it took so long
To start fixing us up
We fantasied about a better place
One with love and smiles
not bruises and cuts,
Scary ex's and nightmares
We've always had to be strong
and plan for definite futures
Someday we meet someone with a heart of gold
and loose them to our fears
Don't be afraid of the good
It keeps us safe and not our fears
Hollie Mar 15
I wonder if you've blocked my number
It said you read my message last night about me missing you in my slumber
But tonight it's delivered
and I'm wondered you're not there
Because I'm left on delivered
I'm hoping you still care
I'm holding out alot of hope
But this doesn't work if you can't meet me there
Hollie Sep 2019
Engraved and used
Taken apart and unstuffed
Forcing my nature to collaspe in
It keeps me posed
A sinking feeling
bringing me to feel the worse
but no external signs to show it
I'm alone
Locked inside
numbed to show any expression
Let alone speak about it
Layed out like a tossed doll
I feel i've lost my soul
my innocence
Hollie May 2023
It is not just the firsts
It is everytime, every interaction
Never growing used to you
Makes for everything to be special
But it's a first for me
To be captivated by someone
To know enough that shouldn't leave me surprised but does eveytime
When you leave it's nothing new
A ping of pain anchored to my heart
But I deny familiarity
I will see you again and all will be okay
A love that never grows old or tiresome but one that has you falling in love again and again, even when that love is one sided
Hollie Jun 2023
Alone is usually when it happens
Violent and hard hitting
Loud and strong
Like being alone helps ease the tension
I rush to wipe every drop
To keep the floors dry
But it doesn't stop
All efforts useless to stop the flood gates pouring
Through these swollen sleep-deprived eyes
It feels like it'll always be like this
Hollie Jun 2023
I always thought losing my virginity
Meant being like a flower
Having been plucked bare and tossed away
Everything asked of my body
Was an obligation
Something I couldn't say no to
Nothing I could complain or protest about
because at the end of they day
They would say they love me
Love me but not respect me
Not care that I was in pain
Crying and hurting beside them
Today I know better
I'm an endless garden
Forever growing with new flowers
Hollie Jun 2023
I don't need to be a friend, foe or stranger
Peering into the lives of others
Lurking in shadows like some danger
I know my presence stirs trouble
If they ask who I am or what we do
The truth isn't the whole truth, we cuddle
Kiss, touch, satisfy but can't justify
They will know the whole truth
Because I can't hide it from my face
When I look at you, that is the truth
Friends do not act, talk or greet like us
Shameless I am to indulge in an us
Hollie Mar 30
It was her laughter you adored in the dark
Moreso now that she's gone
And you close your eyes
In all the darkness
It's her laughter still playing on your heart
Outside beauty only went so deep
It's why you'll never forget her
Her beauty was in her laughter and thoughts
In your darkest of times
She was always the light
Even now when it's been dimmed
Hollie Jun 2023
Down on knees tying to clean up
last night brought the endless cycle
of breaking everything inside
I don't care enough to not care
I'm over it I think to myself
As though those words mean anything anymore
Sitting white knuckled jaw clenched
I want to give up every time you leave
But I put everything back in place
For everything to look like we're starting over
For when you come back it'll be okay
You can play house with my feelings
And I'll put a smile on
Hiding how tired I am to not mean more
Or worth being better for
Recognize toxic habits and relationships
Hollie Apr 2021
Was this a flame or a short fling
That catches on quick
And sets you on fire

Heaven or hell, I couldn't tell
Because I was foolish enough to never doubt it
But falling feels a lot like dying
In that the world is numb to you
And your life before fades away

I have myself to blame
For the hot and cold passes
The long nights waiting on you
The short time we spent together
I have myself to blame
You never loved me

Like cat and mouse we fooled around
Until I was fully consumed in you
Then I was nothing
And she meant everything
her your girlfriend
That's what you called her
You never called me that
And I blame myself
Hollie Mar 17
And I hope he's ruined dating
Because it shouldn't be the same again
And I hope he shattered your heart
So he never has another chance
It's only hard to treat yourself better now
Because he treated you less than you deserved and I hope you now know
You weren't a seven, you're a ten
Hollie Apr 2021
I wish you were there and you weren't
And I wish and wished for what I wanted but I never got it
It's not funny at all how things can be unfair
But we're taught that's just how things are

It's not the spilt milk that once was worth crying over
It's the heartache after heartache that has us closer to the edge
I can see it now
One big leap and we'll be there
And the fear doesn't creep up and scare me anymore
Because now I welcome it unlike before
To sweep me away from this terrible fright of a life
Because I don't want to be alone anymore

I tried you know
To pick myself up and walk it off
But I only headed towards the cliff
And then nobody liked me walking it off
And told me to **** it up
So I did

I ****** through a straw a bottle of bleach to go with the pills
But sadly not even that helped at all
So they tied me down in a room with four walls
Not a window to brighten the view
To stick me with needles and feed me through a tube
After that I knew
Nobody cares what I think. Just what I do.
Hollie May 2023
I've glanced at you at every chance
Off car reflections and bathroom walls
I've swirled and danced in front of you
Yet I deny the beauty they see
The face that draws onlookers
And gentlemen callers
I've spent hours hating how you look
picking apart or hating it all
You've seen me cry and smile
More than anyone else has
But I give you hell and talk you down
Have you doubt the sincerity of lovers
Find fault in words of admiration
I'm jealous of what they see in you
Something I don't see
I hate and hate on you everyday but
I've stared and caught glances of you
I want to be what they see in you
I'm indifferent to how they see us
Hollie Jul 2023
White yellow red and green lights
light up my streets late at night
And I quite like these kind of nights
When It's safe to walk and wonder late at night
My feet closes to the ground in thin patterned socks
And only pictured socks work best for these nights
They bring out the best, these patterned socks of mine
And when my shadow leads the way
I know adventure isn't too far away
Hollie Aug 2023
You have been gone
But never too far away
You're the bedroom upstairs
When the parties in the living room
I often think of you
How comfortable and safe you feel
A place where I don't feel I'm pretending
But even when I am, I dont mind it much
It's okay sometimes to pretend
I'm no different from a kid
I'll play pretend and imagine a world
Coloured better than this one
I'm okay playing pretend
No body else knows what's on my mind
And that feels right to me
I'll always think of you
My safety and comfort
But out here, I play pretend
Hollie Jun 2023
When I am safe
I can be myself
Ramble and unravel the layers
Dress up, dress down and down more
When my body can rest
I am relaxed
Because
I can trust you
Hollie Mar 31
It's all over
This love
This life
Those ambitions
Tonight nothing matters
Just tonight and every night
I want to take a break from this life
Hollie Jun 2023
Today I thought about you
You're down one knee
Ring in hand but I'm not there
You looked happy, more happy than I could ever make you
It hurt even though it wasn't real
There's a future I see
One with the both of us together
But that's the problem; I see it
Your feelings aren't there anymore
And we've drifted apart
Strangers passing by on the street
With nothing worth sharing
Because nothing can change our past
I thought I could fix what was wrong,
I felt alone in it all
Even if the way I showed it didn't seem like it, I am and always will be in love with you
Hollie May 2023
Inhaling was suffocation
exhaling meant living
heart racing
mind numbing
it's not wanting to die
if you dont know how to live

stupid girl looking for meaning
in a place with no beginning
hot cold
in and out breaths
and you're not sure where to go next
because you were dead set on an ending
and he was somewhere over there
planning a life of solitude
You scream and fight for a goal
he's already opt out
stupid girl
you were carrying this battle like he was beside you
but didn't you hear
he says he's with you while making you a fool
agrees with you says he'll be with you
then steps on your boundaries
like they weren't there for you

You can stay and keep fighting
but you're a fool to keep going
when you've lost this love
that's not happening again
this ending you were determined to reach
that's not happening
Look around
we're all alone but we don't look it
you weren't alone but you felt alone
there isn't a comfort zone
life doesn't make room for comfort
Hollie Apr 2021
I want to love someone as deeply as I love you
Moreso deeply if it helped me forget you

To forget the touch of your skin
Or your uncoordinated lips
Your white car
That made you work harder to get it up a hill

I want to forget you
To forget the first time we met
The way your hand and smile
Fit with mine
When I first laughed and smiled
Happily like a child

No I must forget you
I have to
Because forgetting you means we can both be happy
And I want to forget you

I don't know exactly when I fell head over heels for you
And you made me so happy
I guess you still do

Maybe I don't want to love someone else
Or moreso deeply to forget you
The truth is
You haven't left my mind since
And I could never forget you
Hollie Jul 2023
When I lay in bed
It's your scent
Soaked and washed over me
Your arms like shelter
Keeping the day away
Because lord knows I've needed you
More recently than before
Days spanding into weeks then months
Hunger screaming in my pit
Dark and stormy
Are the skies that hover over
But when I lay
You are there
You are always there
In memories I keep you alive
But outside our bed
Your body is where it's always been
Back at the cemetery
Where I had to say goodbye
Mourning death
Hollie Jun 2023
Don't make lemonade
Lemons aren't enough
To turn something sour to sweet
If it was enough
We would not contrast and compare
To one another, alone or crowded
Oh sweet nothing,
When life gives you lemons
Squeeze them with sugar and water
Only then can life be sweet
It's not about lemonade
Hollie May 2023
Gentle soft uncoordinated lips
Through all seasons
You call upon me
To be kind sweet and mean
When I am gone
Will you still call for me
Or will you share all of you
To someone new
And call on her

— The End —