When I started my MBA
I was looking forward to making new friends
And of course, excelling in academics
And thus redeeming myself
After my Engineering debacle
However, it never occurred to me
That I would fall in love
For the first time in my life
You changed everything
Right from our second meeting
I was drawn towards you
You were very shy
But in a good way
And of course, extremely sweet-natured
The kind of person who wouldn't hurt a fly
Though you didn't know much Tamil
In spite of being a Tamilian
Your English more than made up for that
You didn't speak a lot
However, when you did speak
You were able to articulate your thoughts exceedingly well
And though we never had a detailed conversation
Apart from our debate on the movie "Ra One"
It was always a pleasure to interact with you
And of course, listen to your captivating voice
Last but not the least
Your handwriting was so exquisite
That it had the capability
To transform the dullest subject
Into an extremely fascinating one
Anyway, I truly loved you
But I couldn't muster the courage
To ask you out
However, I don't have any regrets whatsoever
And regardless of where you are currently
I hope you are having the time of your life
Just one last thing
I am utterly gobsmacked
That you knew all along
Something that I could never guess
From the way you spoke to me
Or behaved with me in general
You are indeed an incredible lady
And I hope you remain the way you are
Because the world needs more people like you

Too long has a heart ached this painfully
For a foolish possibility that was swept away in time
For somebody that made you impossibly giddy
Invincibly happy
And blooming in full emotions
It's time to finally wake up
And tie a bow of closure
On an old treasured memory box

Inhaling was suffocation
exhaling meant living
heart racing
mind numbing
it's not wanting to die
if you dont know how to live

stupid girl looking for meaning
in a place with no beginning
hot cold
in and out breaths
and you're not sure where to go next
because you were dead set on an ending
and he was somewhere over there
planning a life of solitude
You scream and fight for a goal
he's already opt out
stupid girl
you were carrying this battle like he was beside you
but didn't you hear
he says he's with you while making you a fool
agrees with you says he'll be with you
then steps on your boundaries
like they weren't there for you

You can stay and keep fighting
but you're a fool to keep going
when you've lost this love
that's not happening again
this ending you were determined to reach
that's not happening
Look around
we're all alone but we don't look it
you weren't alone but you felt alone
there isn't a comfort zone
life doesn't make room for comfort

You may not remember me
As it has been ages
Since we last spoke
However, I probably won't be able to forget you
Right from the moment we met
I was drawn to you like a magnet
You were shy to a fault
And extremely sweet-natured
As I got to know you better
It didn't matter to me
That though you were a Tamilian
You spoke only in English
Because you were a great listener
And when you did speak
You were able to articulate your thoughts
Better than almost everyone in our college
Your mere presence was enough
To ensure that I didn't miss a single class
Except when my health was down
It is often said
That people lose focus
After falling in love
However, on the contrary
Thanks to you, I was able to develop extra focus
And achieve better grades
You inspired me
In a way that no one could have done
We once had a debate
On a rather forgettable movie
It didn't matter that our views were different
What mattered was your energy and intensity
And that fact that you took time out
To debate with a person whom you didn't know very well
You even taught me some tax calculations
Of course, it was a case of unrequited love
But totally worth it
And what was even better
Was the fact that you had known all along
And yet didn't shy away from talking to me
You really are one of a kind
As I mentioned earlier , I will never forget you

loving you is like loving the sky above.
because in any state;

clear blue sky without clouds; draw a smile on my face and made my day instantly

purple-orange ish sunset sky; feels like the feeling of coming back home after a long day, give warmth and hugs to my weary heart

cloudy gray sky; letting me being gloomy and telling me it's okay to cry

starry night sky; accompanied me in the darkest hours, i could stare at and admire for hours, my late-night-talk partner

and after all, loving you is like loving the sky above; something to be admired from afar, unreachable, particularly for me.

I have been yearning for true love
For years and years
For decades and decades
I have seen it in movies
I have read it in books
But to experience it in real life
Is a different feeling altogether
Of course, when you have lived
For as long as thirty two years
It is utterly impossible
Not to fall in love
At least once, or maybe even twice
And I am not even counting crushes
They are as ephemeral
As the life of a mayfly is
The love bug has bitten me twice
However, on both occasions
The love has been more lop-sided
Than the recent Men's Ashes
On the first occasion
I was slower than a snail
By the time I finally confessed my feelings
The girl was already engaged
On the second occasion
It was an arranged marriage
After two initial meetings
Followed by two months
Full of frequent phone calls
We had a rather simple engagement
Since then, it was apparent
That the going was smooth
Even if it was a long-distance relationship
However, just before the wedding
The pandemic chose to strike
The marriage had to be postponed
By five frigging months
Consequently, things were never the same again
Mind you, I was very much in love
But, as I mentioned earlier
It was a long-distance relationship
And I could sense
That slowly, but surely
The girl was beginning to fade away
And the marriage, when it eventually happened
Was an absolute trainwreck
Now, a year and a half later
I am single again
And the quest for true love continues
This time, I hope and pray
That when I do fall in love again
It will be duly reciprocated
And will be as long-lasting
As the love
That my family has for me

Bittersweet.
Hot and cold.
Sweet and sour.
Both extremes with no in-between.
The excitement is life-giving.
The pain is gut wrenching.
A drug that fills the emptiness.
But slowly kills you inside.

Only if you knew
how much I
torture myself
to be with you
“just as a friend.”