after he ****, he asks me what time my curfew is
I told him it doesn't matter

after he ****, he says he's tired
so I don't talk

after he ****, he doesn't look at me the way he did in the beginning
I turn around and look outside the window

after he **** he doesn't want to touch me anymore
I keep my hands to myself

after he ****, he wants to go home
but I want to lay on his chest

It wasn't love
But it was enough to make my hairs to stand up on my back
It was enough to change my sleep patterns
It was enough to make me eat more, eat less, and sometimes not even eat at all

It wasn't love
But it was enough to cry myself to sleep
It was enough for me to beg and beg for you to come back

People may say that I'm being desperate but I lov- ...no wait
I don't love you
I am very vulnerable
It wasn't love
My mother loves me and I never feel this way

It was a type of lust that was unrequited
It wasn't love
But it was something that ironically made me feel alive and dead simultaneously

I cannot wait for the day
when I come across a picture of you..
when I hear your name..
when I think about you..
and
feel absolutely nothing

you were my whole ******* ocean
but you only loved me in waves

you are my light
but I am my darkness
and without my darkness, I wouldn't have been able to see you
you are important but so am I
we are equal, we are one

I am stuck in the illusionary world of lust
I don't know what love is
I'm scared I never will