Sometimes i know that in my poetry
I cant copy the lyrics i see
That as the sweet melodies wisp around my ear
I can never recreate the notes i hear.

As a poet i feel inferior
And it shakes me to my very core
But as a listener i feel superior
Because the themes are unlike any I’ve heard before

And i wish I could play more instruments
Because mine don’t always cut it
Sometimes i cant peel back that layer of reality
To see who I’m supposed to be.

It’s time for me to disappear
I’ve overstayed my place i fear.
It’s time to once again recluse
Rather than tying a noose.
It was lovely while it lasted
But the pain is started to imbed
So I’ll leave instead.
Hide within myself again
The way that it’s always been.
I’ll put on a fake little smile
No one will catch on, at least for awhile.

We have a toxic relationship
And i wish saying it would change it,
But it won’t.
And i need to give up hope.
Because i cant Breathe anymore,
Choking on the smoke.
And i get it, you’re either too grumpy or not bored,
So you don’t want to deal with me.
But getting it doesn’t always change what i see.
You can’t say I’m not one thing,
Just to turn around and use similar terms.
That’s not what i deserve.

There once was a boy
Who thought he was in love.
Though she treated him like a toy
He thought her an angel sent from above.

He called her his very very first love,
Though he was still young.
He didn’t care she was abusive
She didn’t care she made him choose and,
He didn’t care she cheated
....
But he did care when she wanted to leave him.

There once was a boy
Who finally got over a girl
She’d been very coy,
But she was no longer his world.
Until she came back suddenly.
....
He didn’t know how to feel or who to be.

There once was a boy
Who fell for a new girl
She filled him with joy
And he loved watching her spin and twirl.
Albeit uncomfortable at times
She was still always on his mind.
Until she started to disappear
She was here then there
....
And then no where.

There once was a boy
Who fell, once again,
For the girl who could disappear.
Only this time he held up a mirror.
So he could be there for himself,
When she left like everyone else.
But as he grew on himself,
He started thinking of her like everyone else.
And he knew he had to end what they had.
Because a relationship like that would just be bad
When she knew she began to cry,
....
But all he could say was goodbye.

There once was a boy
Who tried to avoid
Any more notions of love
Until he was sure that was what he would want.
So he stayed far away,
From the girls who’d say “hey”.
And he stayed far away,
From the girls who wanted to stay.
He just wrote what he wrote
Meaning every word, every note.
Until one day he read a confession
....
What now? Well that’s a pretty good question.

I look down at my own black hole
It expands when I feed it
I feed it what people say about me

My black hole likes to eat pain
So I give it my pain
Or else it will eat me

My black hole likes growing
Because when it grows
It is closer to eating me

My black hole never leaves me
And I can't leave it
Because if I leave it
I will feel nothing

Are you talking about me?
Do you want me to leave?


...
I , umm,
I wanted to stay.
And i dont know why i didnt say,
The things i meant to.

Online relationships are hard, i know.
So it’s okay to leave before the show.
I thought I could see you
And i thought you could see me too.

I’m sorry i didnt mean to hurt you.
I didnt want to.
I know saying sorry won’t fix it
But I’d rather do that than just sit.

I never meant to make it seem like i expected a smile.
I didn’t mean for you to have to fake happiness
I wanted to be the place where you could talk, confess.

I wanted to know who you are truly
Not who everyone believes you to be.
But if you want me to go,
Then I’ll respect it, i suppose.
It’s not what i want
But I don’t want to be one more place where you put up a front.