Life,
Pain,
Betrayal,
Loss,
Grief,
Depression,
Hatred,
Are all related.
Happiness,
Joy,
Laughter,
Are just illusions
And a phrase.
Like a candle
It can only last so long
Until it is no more.
Then reality sinks back in.
You are worse
Worse than before the candle
Now you know
What it’s like
To have the smell
The smell you now long for
So you try to find another
Way to feel the way you did
But it never last
You are having to face the truth
But the thing about the truth
Is it always changing.

Some days
I feel everything at once
Other days
I feel nothing at all

I don’t know what worse
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from the thirst.

You know you're in love
when you can't sleep
not because of
sadness
  anger
    confusion
      or grief
but because reality is better than your dreams.

Someone asked me to draw
Draw what heartbreak looks like
I finally got tired of drawing a broken heart
And I started drawing you

There I was, sound asleep in my bed.
Memories of my wife and I
Danced in my head.
All of a sudden,
I woke up to a chill in the air
And I couldn't help feel
Like someone was there.
As I laid back down,
I heard a knock at the door.
I looked at the clock
And it was half past four (a.m.)
"Who could that be?"
I put on my robe,
And as I crept down the hall,
I checked in on my daughter.
"Wow. She's not even five
And she's already so tall."
The stranger knocked again,
So I hurried my pace.
I was about to scream,
But then I saw his face.
It was snow.
I was so angry, I couldn't speak.
All I could do was glare.
Finally, I said "what do you think you're doing, standing there?"
"Hey! I just wanted to let you know
I was back in town."
He was wearing a smile
But when he saw I was mad,
He replaced it with a frown.
"What's wrong?
Aren't you happy to see me?"
I scoffed. "Happy? To see you?
You killed my wife!
Last year, she was driving home.
That night, you covered her windshield and she got into an accident because she couldn't see.
Snow was horrified.
He looked me in the eye,
Said "I'm so sorry,"
And as he walked away,
He started to cry.
Just then, my daughter snuck out.
"Snow! Don't go!" I heard her shout.
I couldn't believe it, but she hugged him. I knelt down beside her and asked "if you know who this man is, why are you happy to see him?"
She said "because even though it's sad she's not here, snow was the thing mommy looked forward to the most every year."
After a moment, I knew what I needed to do.
"Snow, I will never forget what you did or the pain you put me through.
But in honor of my wife and daughter,
I forgive you.

I am that crazy person that you saw drive past your street seven times in the past ten minutes
I don’t know where I’m going
Not in the car
Not in my future
It’s like no one put up street signs
And I end up crashing into a light post
Or fire hydrant
Or literally anything straight ahead of my vehicle
And then you see me start to completely lose it
Tears streaming down my eyes
Because of course this had to happen
And specifically to me
And everything is going wrong
So of course I ran in to the seven year old’s dog
Right in front of her
On her birthday
With all her little friends watching
Just after I got off the phone with my mom
Who said my grandma was dying
And also after a morning
That was impossible for me to get out of bed
I was that sad
And I was on my way to who knows where
To do who knows what
That would probably make my depression and anxiety even worse
Of course this had to happen
I don’t know where I am going anymore
I thought I did
But I don’t
It’s basically like I don’t even have a license to drive my own life
So how am I supposed to get there?

There is something I want to get off my chest
But I can’t
Because if I admit that it is affecting me
I’ll stop holding strong
I’m not hurting
It’s just on my mind
And I’m worried that if I start to talk about it
I’ll start to feel hurt
And so I’d like to save myself from feeling more sad
But keeping it inside is equally painful

you’ll sit there—
smoking your cigarette by the window,
blowing smoke out your lungs
that drifts back in through the window...

and as that icy chill sweeps
your dizzy body all over,
you put your cigarette out on a quarter
and use a dead plants *** as an ashtray.

When my eyes met
hers for the first time,
they spelled the word “love”

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.