As the days grow cooler now,
I start to face the question, How?
It’s been so long that I can’t hear your voice,
But as the day draws near I'm left with little choice.
To tell you now just how it was,
That you took my heart and then hit pause.

You never knew and I don’t blame you for that,
But in misdirected anger I still hissed and spat.
On that day - so late in November,
The sights the smells - your smile I still remember.
Merry and Jovial we relaxed by the pool,
The evening breeze welcomingly cool.
As the sun set and the sky filled with stars,
I started to feel like I was heading for Mars.
The feeling was alien overwhelming me so,
A feeling of love …
I couldn't let that show!
And I’d never let it go!
It tore at my heart and split me in two,
Surely this could not have been all because of you?

It’s closer now the time we’ll meet again,
I know it won’t be easy - a meeting of pain.
I have my plans and I'm sure you have yours,
But I'm not going to force open those doors.
I’ll tell you my truth on the hold that you had,
It was not a craze or in passing a Fad.
It was what it was but I want to move on,
But that’s now not to say that I want you gone.
Understanding and Acceptance is part of us all,
It’s just how you cradle the rise and the fall.

It was never your fault it was me through and through,
I should have just come out and said it to you.
I loved him then and would have given my all,
But time and again I stood up just to fall.

I’ll never forget you I don’t think that I could,
But moving on is something I should.
I'm not looking for feet sweeping kisses and a lifetime together,
I just want you to know my life isn't over.

A thin white dust of snow littered the concrete path like an overspill of Styrofoam *****. Summer had her hands buried deep into the lining of her coat pockets and her chin pressed tightly within her pashmina scarf. It was the first bite of wind she’d felt in a while. She had been holed up with her friends for several days and the concept of loneliness was already foreign to her, much in the same way as privacy. She could feel the cheap red wine rust in her veins as her body told her “too much” and in truth she was ready for the crackle of vinyl and the promise of fresh sheets and a shower. The week had been fun, she guessed, she’d certainly felt closer to her friends than ever before, even though they all went back for as far as it was worth remembering.  ‘She guessed’. She’d been guessing for a while now, living in absences with everything held at an emotionless distance – whether or not this was deliberate she could not decide.
It wasn’t a particularly long walk back to her house, enough to take the bus - but she guessed she wanted the walk. The cold air made her eyes glassy and occasionally she had to blink furiously to catch the water forming along her lids. The din of distant inner city traffic consumed the airwaves around her but the path that lay ahead of her was surrounded by parkland, and within eyeshot there was a lazy brook where children would often be seen playing, though they’d be at school at this time of day. She guessed. She wasn’t quite sure of the time, but she knew it was the 15th of February. She couldn’t always be sure of what year it was though, her head was often stuck back in the 1960’s, before she was even born.
Summer could feel the claustrophobia of youthfulness shedding from her every angle and with every insipid step she took, the world took on a more familiar feeling and she took her first real breath of air for days. From out of nowhere she felt overwhelmed at the breathless ease of the faint snowfall and the slate grey of the sky. The clench in her stomach – Summer often found herself weeping for no real reason, and she could never quite work out whether she would be weeping for beauty, or for sorrow…she guessed that there was some compromise between the two. All she knew is that she was very sorry when she reached her front door that her walk was over and that she must again disappear into the walls.
The heating had been off for almost an entire week now and Summer could hear the house groan into action as the radiators cracked back into life, and she felt much the same. The kettle jittered on the spot as the water steamed and bubbled welcomingly and soon the kitchen was greeted with the smell of tea. Summer retreated to her room upstairs. A wide room with white walls meant that it was often brighter than the world outside and it often appeared to unadjusted eyes to have a ghostly glow about it. Summer thumbed through her proud collection of second-hand LP records until she settled on listening through Pink Moon for what was now an uncountable time. “Saw it written and I saw it say, pink moon is on its way”. She let out an exhausted but contented smile and fell onto her bed. The sheets were cold from privation of use but the coolness on her cheek was welcome and she closed her eyes and imagined she was still outside on an effortless walk, with the sounds of Nick Drake overpowering that of the exhausts of one thousand cars.
After several moments of another world, she reluctantly sat back up and began to take off her clothes to get a little bit more comfortable. It felt good to get out of her clothes, she’d only meant to stay for one night so she had not been able to change her clothes for days and she’d appreciated the idea of clean underwear in a way she never considered worth noticing before. She unclasped her bra and felt it fall clumsily to the floor and just sat there for a moment, bare-breasted in the pearl white of the chilly room. She couldn’t help but feel like an illustration, of pastels or watercolours. Her mind was still a convoluted collage of the past few day’s events – the haze of alcohol and **** still occupied a small corner of her being, despite the cleansing walk and the wonderful clunk of a familiar guitar bouncing across her walls. Her ******* were hard from the cold so she threw on an extra large male t-shirt that fell to just below her upper thigh.
She slid off her skirt and underwear, which fell limp at her pale thin ankles. Looking at her thighs, she could still make out the small thumb-sized bruises scattered across them from the distant and removed *** she’d had at some point last week. At least she guessed, it could have happened back in the 60’s for all she knew. It felt as if the past week was not real, a familiar feeling. She was almost certain that man who had shared her bed did not really exist and her bruises contested her own existence. At least that’s how it felt.
She turned over the vinyl and remembering her tea, slid between the covers and warmed her hands against the steaming ceramic. The tea was perhaps the most wonderful and delicious thing she had ever tasted and she felt it nourish her metaphysically. In a way beyond words, she felt herself heal with the rush of warm past her lips and the sweetness on her tongue. The room was slowly warming as she skimmed her legs back and forth against the mattress in complete comfort. Once the last of her tea had been drunk, she let the empty mug rest on the bedside counter and almost immediately fell into a dreamless sleep.

The memory of her sits on a balcony ledge, cigarette in hand.
My green light at the end of a dock.
And this time I am reaching out
like many before,
in pages and poems past.
Macbeth’s face is a book.
Her body is an atlas
tracing a beautiful continent.

Follow the long tributaries that lead to shallow deltas.
This shore begins softly and forms into slender feet,
quiet but powerful when outstretched an angler waiting for prey.
Odysseus, only, can hear this Siren play.  

Follow her legs, those tawny plains,
unbroken, guiding along welcomingly,
inviting curiosity and conscripting imagination.
An oasis.
And her torso is a valley from which
her laughter is ****** upward and resisted until uncontainable.
Dimples break and burst like earthquakes.  
A ridgeline is all that awaits until we see her face.
She is the Americas from bottom to top.

Follow her decorated canyon mouth
but know it is merely a diversion.  
Her eyes are icebergs, which shyly reveal themselves
to sink ships and drown lovers, for always.
Her hair is aurora borealis,
the northern lights,
dancing colorfully
to an unaccompanied waltz
heard by everyone but her.

As the memory of her sits the smoke billows around
like clouds traveling down a coastline
only to dissipate
and disappear.

Rolling a joint was his specialty
Smoking **** was his hobby
Being on top of rooftops was his favourite place to be
A **** is the one thing he always carries
And the lighter is the way he knew he could be away from reality
Even just for a little while

Buying a drink is his side job
Drinking is one of the things he likes doing
Only because it may be an excuse to do reckless things for one night and not being able to remember them the next day
And a hangover is a reminder of how much he had to drink
He does all this because of all the fun he's having

He may be a bad boy
But he brings good intentions

Because really he does all this to making his friends happy
To having fun with them
And of course have a little fun of his own too
Now you can't say he's bad when he's doing all the good deed he can do

Trust me there's more to him than smoking and drinking
He's got that killer smile
That'll make your heart melt
He's got all these witty stories
With a lot of rebellious and illegal things that was behind all of it
But he's got a kind heart
Someone who dearly loves his family
And the most protective brother he could be
The little things brings happiness into his eyes and I swear I think I've seen it twinkle a couple of times
He showed me chivalry still exist
And that there's nothing wrong with having fun just for a while
Even if it can be rebellious
Because he said that it'll be a story someday you'll laugh about
Pretty sure he's got more fire in him than a lighter and I wouldn't mind if I got burned
For he brings fireworks inside of me
Bursting into happiness
For that is what he has shown me
True genuine happiness

He said being sober was his biggest weakness
Not until he met me
Because apparently I make him go weak on his knees
And he says that's why he kneels down randomly for he's thanking God for bringing me into his life
He then said that I brighter than a lighter he would lit up to smoke
He said I am his sun who brought daylight back into his life
And every time he wakes up it's like breathing for fresh air
I bring this fire inside of him
That is filled with passion and compassion
Something he's been hiding all these years
For I have brought it back and gave him inspiration

Little does he know that he gives me inspiration too
The boy who lit it up for me and showed this whole other side of me
I've never been this happy
Right by his side
He said to me that in a long time he didn't mind being sober because I've helped him overcome his fears and he loved living in reality with me better than running away from everything

He'll always be the boy who welcomingly offered with a big smile to join him for a little fun get away
And gave and showed me happiness along the way
Always the lovely stoner

It is with an emptiness in my throat,
a riptide in my stomach,
and needles in my heart
that I write this today.

I fear you might find out,
I fear you might realise,
I fear you might explode,
and I am terrified that you will leave.

If you happen to chance across this,
while actualising your thoughts into words.
Feelings and emotions I wished you share with me,
that you so easily convey to a machine.

If you could see through my eyes,
you would never feel insufficient again.
And so I beseech God to rid my mind of you;
a mind that is welcomingly plagued by your presence.

A mind that personifies hypocrisy;
as I read your writings about a boy,
wishing they were about me
but they are not.

And yet I still keep going back.
Hoping to find my name in your words one day.

When he tells you he never wanted to you from the beginning
do not try to change who you are
to fit his liking
he does not deserve you
and he never will
when he gives you the
“it is not you it is me”
tell him
“you are **** right
I am a goddess
and I need no peasant”
When he tells you
“I think we should stop talking”
allow yourself to feel the pain
of losing a friend
but to not allow yourself to mourn
the loss of someone
who does not matter
When he bangs
on the fragile door of your heart
and demands to be let out
Open it welcomingly
Do not beg him to stay
When he tells you
“you should probably hit the gym
more often you know you’ve been getting a little chubby”
Block your ears with love for yourself and leave him with joy
When he makes you feel
you are hard to love
understand that puddle walkers
will never appreciate
The greatness of an ocean
When you find out
he has been sharing his love
with another that is not you
realize he is wasting time
Playing with stars
when he has the moon
realize you are that moon
And you deserve
nothing less than the sun
When he fills the blank space
in your mind
tear that page out
and throw it away
After all, he was a simple rough draft.
Understand you hold galaxies
in you
that your mind
is a universe
far too complex for his simplicity
You will someday learn
that you deserve the love
of 1000 burning suns

One mere candle will not do.

He stands there with a passive regard.
The silence mirrors that of a graveyard.
In front of a lit door,
enters the wintry air.
Extends his arm, welcomingly unbarred.

some variation from a reference point:
that (the reference point)
being a blank canvas...

            to begin with: nothing to "work"
with... beside imagining
a congestion of letters:
that letters become words:
that words become sentences...

writing about: writing...
which is at least a tier above:
writing about reading...
or writing about drinking
a mystical cup of coffee:

or something about either Buddhism
or Tao in that 1960s h'americana vein...
well... for something absolutely different...
californian mathematics is racist...
covid-19 is racist...
god is gay...

how terribly i must feel to not read much
of what women write...
any ******* expression
always suited me more welcomingly...
tongue for a phallus
an *** for a mouth...
                                while Balaam finally
managed to trot to the same
pace of the four don quixotes...

in the age of celebrating womanhood...
crippling words: worded junctions...
the entire problem with nouns...
"problem"...
otherwise the certainty of verbs:
for some... the much necessary distinction
between no nuance no metaphor
no misnomers no fiddly-bits-&-bobs
& clogs & knobs...
vectors: prompts... turn left... then turn right...

so far only one certainty:
the madonna-***** complex...
              and no ambition on my part to
court a nun -
or attempt to subjugate "my" genes to
this carousel of time...
so "selfish" of me to bow out...
so that one ****** two can persist
with that cuck-soaker of
an interracial transcendence of forks
in the road...

perhaps it would just break my heart
to have a daughter...
perhaps i see how too make it into
the realm of mythology
of the highest nobility, that of swans...
****-flinging troop of chump...

mind you: there's already a lady in my life
that never disappoints...
a ms. amber with whiskers
a ms. amber as beer as gods' ****...
a ms. amber sweetest of all: mead...
no wonder i personify this liquid...
only today a supermarket cashier
smirked and said: you drink that like
water...            indeed i do
i replied...

well... if at the end of it i squiggle out
if at the end of it i squeeze out
a poo'em... and don't box myself with rhyme(s):
a drink to joy! a drink to health!
a drink to mew-sic!

ni z gruszki ni z pietruszki:
du tun spreschen deutsche?
              from out of nowhere!
                      not from a pear - not from parsley...
a pear's a pear
but... herbs and spices are not
required to have an indefinite article...
it would be impossible to write:
a cinnamon...
a parsley... unless... a stick of...
    a bunch of...
parsley's parsley (is)
  
         it will always come down to
the idiosyncratic of this love-affair
of:      erworbenzunge

                    (acquired­ tongue)

what can't be offered re. some slurring
and oath-making
in light of what happened at the Bataclan?
the boiling of water...
but in general: a malaise...
a glance... a skim-reading...
a toleration of Semitic and nomadic
*******...

      'there's no water in the desert'...
well... guess what...
there's no ******* arable field in a forest
either! those roots weren't going
to just drop dead...
berry picking in the blackest of thicket...
****'s sake...
said some Inuit on a north american
tundra...
or some Mongol passing through
the butter of Siberia...

                but i guess that's what happens
when you've been sitting on a stash
of dino-juice (oil)...
**** for brains....
           why would a Pakistani ask me if
i believe in god in the presence of an arab?
captain Ahab over 'ere is
building... what exactly in the desert?
luvvy-dubby-bye-bye...

            and it's not i conjured up the term
camel jockey...
it took a Bangladeshi ripping into an
Egyptian to come up with that...
the Egyptian replied with:
bush-monkey at the Bangladeshi...
        and this was in a high-school
where the majority where Irish Catholic...

there was a time when...
there was the proper grammar police...
and when people had faces...
there was a physiognomy...
you could even lip-read people on the tube...
this one instance with a nurse:
i just told her... apologies if i'm not looking
into your eyes all the time...
i'm lip-reading...

  hell... before the pronoun debacle -
you could abstract someone...
you could have a whole range of...
rancid chilly... turmeric...
saffron... cinnamon... chocolate...
               oak bark...
         piggy: albino sheen...
                         pink-froth...
           rabid mongol mongrel...
Caucasian...          flattened occipital bone Turk!

if we can't understand ourselves as
different... by "divine instruction"...
                     n'ah... i'm not going to undermine
the freedom this language affords me!

there are leaves within the river
and anger floats alongside them
headed for its delta
to settle in the sea.

there are limits to your love
a hallway filled with doors
some locked, some not.
and you refuse to make the keys

there is a ******* word for you
but it is ice on the ***** of a deadly hill
and my words are welcomingly warm
and foreign to spitting bitter things

there is a thorn between my toes
from the excursion i've embarked
but my barefoot needs to keep in contact
to know i'm not within a dream

so i will throb and bleed
and leave behind a path,
so red and wet atop the forrest floor
alongside these leaves within the river

an aging symptom
of the mediocre.

- assorted justifications of happenstance -

three bottles of 8.2% strength of cider... nothing...
it's understandable that high % beers are
reserved for alcoholics and taste bad...
but... when it comes to cider... at 8.2% it's like:
not drinking wine...

quick change of pace: 35cl of whiskey...
ooh... an itch that needs to be typed
and words have to be conjured from nothing...
listening to Button Poetry stand-up
poetry readings, cringing...
where's my straitjacket where is my Hannibal
Lecter mask... i need to bite on some bones...
bones of an over-baked chicken...
**** out the marrow... pretend to say hello
while clucking and clocking in a morning
with... with no more intention than
the intention already arrived at by a cockerel...

probably the first fun football match i was willing
to watch in a long time...
the magic sometimes happens...
Tottenham up 0 - 2 against Manchester City...
just me and dad watching the football...
last few minutes in the first half...
that's Tottenham two nil up...
then... the second half happened...
2 - 2 within the space of 45min + 10min...
and then... a solo show from the Algerian
Mahrez... sometimes it's fun watching a game
of football when one player has a carpe diem
stamina and the rest of the team
is... gripped by a passer-by mentality...
i'm having this passer-by mentality...

unlike the death-and-hollow-pangs of anguish
when existentialism was born, notably with Kierkegaard,
perhaps even Kafka...
i'm becoming more and more at home
within the confines of my alienation...
i realised that i started reading
Dickens' Pickwick Papers and didn't finish it...
gladly revisited: since the original was serialised
so even if abandoned: an easily returned to script...
i still remember some details...
Dostoyevsky's the Idiot... also started... not finished...
well... better heel myself in the ***
to get a move on...
not to mention Heidegger's black notebook
ponderings VII through to XI...
                  
     ****... another... Spinoza's Theological-Political
Treatise... in English...
that's the truly accessible Spinoza...
i wouldn't recommend reading Spinoza's
ethics in a ******... it doesn't really matter
it's a language i was born with...

   in English the form of words
that end with -ing...
    thinking, counting, running...
cycling, demanding...
similarity of tongues but with a different form...
beginning with dość: enough...
szczer-ość (truthfulness),
                   ladodn-ość - gentleness...

or like all the Croat surnames ending so:
   Puli-šić
                            well... this plentiful little life...
this little life of a nobody who bit his pride and sort
of figured out that people with little authority
have this self-aggrandizing monstrosity
of the Quasimodo complex...

so i have this friend living all the way in Hawaii,
London - Hawaii...
i told her that i'd love to be homeless on an island
with great fun aura of complimenting
me sleeping in the cannon of gushing warm
air... she sent me some compliments from
that land: way far away...
dried pineapple, macadamia nut shells...
i bet there are not oaks on that island:
one islander to another islander...
a year passed and we know each other's addresses...
we're not bullshitting or scamming...
now we made a date of it
by phoning each other...
tremors... i'm getting a stage-fright since she
already knows what i look like
and how flimsy i can be when it comes to
****** encounters... sure... even i too could
own that dog of commitment because
*** has become a sort of Apéritif -
bragging rights of women liberated with the maimed
men chained: i feel sorry for
those circumcised buggers who don't know
the feeling of ******* with *******...
and lasting longer during *******
having the ******* constricting the blood flow:
to hello, bishop's head purple...

but it's like that scene from Dancing in the Rain
with the face mismatching the voice...
what if my voice isn't rhapsody prone, RHASPIC...
not hung-over, not manly, gritty enough...
warped self-itemizations borrowed from youth...

or the currency of shame inducement
borrowed from all those proud specimens
of degrading parenthood as a parasitic
inhibition process of achieving full potential
living alone, alone self-praise!
while in some random Hindu household
we're talking less individuality and more:
get with the times, grandma is aching
and father is moralising...
can't bring a boyfriend home...
oh yawn and yawn some more...
maybe if i glued my eyes to feeding the expression
of language into the fabric of a paragraph
i might be a more serious and seriously undertaken
sort of person than all this empty voiding space
of the cascade of poo-tried...
maybe...

then again: life ought to be about making it easier
to struggle less with all the demands,
expectations, even those born from the grandiosity
of being served to align oneself by
being morphed by the grandiosity of the seas
and the mountains, this little atom called man...
make life all that can be bearable and
unconditionally civil...
learning the first lesson and the last lesson
in life: wisdom is born from dialogue...
while knowledge is a vector of agitating oneself
to speak with oneself...
wisdom is a dialogue
while knowledge is a monologue...

so much for spewing quotes, rotas of maxim
but never adhering to them...
sentimentally sort of adjusting
the frail thinking to a frailer mind...
and hardly any soul to drink from a fountain
at the bottom of the drip drip drip...

language apparently conjures itself up
spontaneously whenever feeling: no intentions
no purpose... instead: all that's in-between
of struggling to meet demands...

i'm tired i'm lazy... but i'll still find the pillow
my head will rest on in the thick-glue-of-night...
because i'm lazily so...
i was supposed to go to the gym with
my lesbian coworker...
she met someone... as lesbians do...
she woke up in her bed... lovin' it i replied...
well...
who doesn't want to be loved...
when surrounded by men who confuse a woman
for a man... while you're there dribbling her
assurances telling her: Pixie haircuts...
butch? the butcher who?
piercings, tattoos, Mohawk undercut hair...
rings... butch-rings... six-pack...
who doesn't want to be loved?
i don't... i like the idea of utility beside the neediness
of being love...
i like to think of interacting with fellow man
like a door is requiring a door-****
and a key and a keyhole to lock, to stash,
in a safety of the back-of-the-mind...

              love has become ridiculously simple to me...
but my god, i miss the youthful idealism
of what love was once...
Stendhal and the Crimson and the Black...
origins: always ******* French...
that was fun then and not so much now...
love is like owning a cat... or two cats...
i can ignore i can be ignored
and all this ignoring, mutually sacrificial...
leaves the cat and the owner with
a sense: but you'll be there when i meow
asking for the "manna from heaven"?
you'll be there when you let me go outside
but then i return and want to be let back in
into the warmth because it's cold outside...
and i'll plough the imploring meow in my defence
of you: taking care of me...
love, therefore? so much so much less about
pretending, parroting...
cinema dates, dates in the restaurant...
i just need love to resemble:
i need a shadow come noon
and i'm hardly moving, hardly moving like
a ticking clock...
i want love to be readily available: a readily available
duty of anti-conferencing demands
and... all the bliss of nothing that is to be ever met
for a hope of precursor expectations...
explanations...
something freely given like...
drowning if one is incapable to swim...
or falling with all the flamboyance of gravity...
falling to one's death like first flight seagull chick
or... hardly flapping...
freefalling like a sack of potatoes...

better still: i could do all the housework and work
on the side...
all the nitty-gritty *******...
but... i have found... it's almost impossible
for women to savour the own self-serving gratitude
of performing the feminine-exfoliation
of character building... less controversial
and somehow... appeasing, appeasing...
i have a pair of ******* between my legs...
i don't need a pair in my throat
heaving the grandiosity of constipating Plato
against a brick-wall...

cycling with a heaving, always remembering to
breathe through the nose,
sometime gasping for air skin
to a goldfish figuring out the bubble of BOB
tongue tickling: lapping and history via
only the etymological sourcing of events
completely idle within the confines
of the canvas of Darwinism...
overdoing measurements
               confining a kilometre into the "size"
of a centimetre...

cycling much better than having ***...
esp. when the brothel dynamic changes...
jealous women are: jealous women...
they keep you endeared to have more ***
without it being ***: ***...
one pleasured woman is at least
two angry women who are:
"oddly" not compatible with you...
because ever-knowing already spoke to them:
it's just impossible to relate to please
everyone...

life and traffic... custard bulging like so:
regurgitation: like foam of freezing
and hot-air ballooning...
     exploding lungs in details of cubism:
written about rather than painted...
violins crushed... sounds akin to the harmony
of representing the concept of music:
squared... crushed... never to be heard...
just knock-knock on an imaginary door...
a door a house that was formerly only a cave...
  
               even language: this flimsy kite serving
the ever flimsy atom of ego that's
extending and exploring the horizon of
who we let go: to live their life as any living creature
might... self-absorbed, self-serving,
self-gratifying... autobiographical-who?
most probably either me, or you; the towed two of
towering halving shadows
with fully-exploding faces of smiles: fakes;
cornflakes crisp... mud-holes and that
endless fascination with bears...
hibernating mammals...
what use and purpose of hammers...
pyramids... the bears sleep through the worst
ordeal of the seasons...
so much for music and so much for art...
flimsy compensations... ****** reparations...

blocked tube... if one there was a Marx writing
a history of man... by now we know
that Darwin is the new Marx...
with Marx the communist
and Darwin the capitalist...
                  i hardly think animals
ventured to apply the intermediate
medium of money in relating X to Z... via Y...
parents, busy... so? the existence of the nanny...
animals have no concept of the third party: helpful...
at least parasites are two-dimensional...

Darwin is like Marx... unavoidably true...
but truth: this sort of truth: Nietzsche's aversion to Darwinism
plain-sight...
no sight of liberation...
it's just a mundaneness of Atlas passing
the globe to the little man and: the ants fared better...
ants and Solomon fared better...

to me Darwinism is like Marxism...
escaping Darwinism is not aided by journalism,
tabloid press... or fictive escapism...
or science per se...
    Darwinism has become an impasse
unlike the possibility of filtering the flaws of Marxism
through... **** sapiens and ogling
into the warped-hole kaleidoscope-****
of the **** similis of ape...
mammalian borrowing ontologies of fellow
mammals and further extending the borrowing,
stealing from other categories of animals:
the Mantis Woman... **** me...
at least Marxism allowed a group-think
being together and the common good is...
and the commonality of evil is...
and we can overcome said X to accomplish
yet to be discovered Y...
but with Darwinism the new Marxism this
atomised man... this grammatical baron
this mammal of lent traits of other mammals...
the crown... atop the decapitated head
of king Charles II...

i wasn't a fan of Marxists writing history...
i'm also not a fan of Darwinists writing the history
of the world...
that's Darwinism outside the scope
of the actual science, what's being popularised...
who want to wake up in the safeguard
of an Agrarian Society?
   while giving into the impulses of hunter and gather
sexed up shamanism...
easily liberated: so much for forward thinking...
so much for planning...
i love being "bored" with a book...
i love being bored cycling...
i love to not love having ***...

                    such advancements and yet so little
to show for it...
   because... spaghetti-feet tangling married
to shoe-laces...
               life without advertisements...
because... you only end up buying what you need
and not what other people demand you to buy
for them to buy in return...
       i abhor Darwinism as much as Marxism
in the realm of history...
it's soul crushing... it's soul-denying...
  Darwinism and Marxism are like-for-like...
to admire the natural world and feel jealous:
the clowns of the mammalian hierarchy,
the bears... sleep through winter... we? get goosebumps
from the cold...

and just because Darwinism originated in the English language?
no wonder it's being kept like that historical artifact
of the the crucified man... being:
hmm... and the wisdom of man is purest
by being so insolent as to have to be crucified?
said wisdom seems, therefore, borrowed... not his...
given the account of Matthias ben Josephus...
i was sold a ******* lie...
praise to Islam for having a pair of *******...
i wouldn't even dream of concerning myself
with dictating the replication of my DNA as thumb,
rule, to preserve... what?! only i thought what i thought...
does it matter whether i spit or ******* or
take a **** or... have eggs in three ways:
scrambled, poached or fried?!
does it?!

   the useful idiocy of women and the preservation
of non-intended demands outside the confines
of the natural world...
at one point the pyramids of Giza
yet another pin-point the Hagia Sophia of Constantinople...
me scribbling so little with such adamant
desire to shackle myself to fervours of
earthquakes... even if disappointing
and never to accomplish a widespread focus
of influencing others...
i'll die... with a welcomingly arrived at
THE END... and i will have no son or daughter
to grieve for me... or... list a litany of forgiving(s) -
because i failed... at least i failed on my own.

I once held you in my arms,
I could feel your heart’s beautiful breathtaking rhythm.
I could feel your warm aura surrounding me,
It was comforting, like a baby’s blanket.

Things are so different,
We don’t speak,
We bicker.
We don’t see each other,
We just pass one another by.
We don’t know,
We’re confused with our heads.

So much has changed.
I miss your touch,
All I am left with is a shallow memory of your warmth.
My cold body that embraced you so welcomingly,
now shutters in your presence.

I once was held in your arms,
I could feel your stunning eyes piercing my very being.
I could feel your warm body wrapped around me,
It was comforting, as it was where I was supposed to be.