I’m not thinking to myself.
I’m aware of your presence,
Just as you are aware of mine
A soul trapped in a room,
With white walls and neon green stripes
My soul is stuck in here for eternity,
Waiting to be freed,
From a curse that riddles it.
The curse brought upon me,
By my sin
Sound of a low hum, I’m aware of it now.
So accustomed to it, I forgot it existed.
I take a step towards a wall,
It recedes one, the gap remains.
I’m overcome by this feeling, I’m just aware of.
Hey, you, the one reading this,
Can you make it stop?
This feeling, it’s unpleasant.
I close my eyes hoping for it to end.
Nothing changes, I still see neon stripes.
This wall’s all I can see.
This low hum, all I can hear.
Make it stop. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s amplifying this feeling within.
… He called this my penance.
Aimlessly, I try to run.
I need to feel a sense of change.
This monotonous scene, I wished for it to change,
And it did. I stumbled upon it.
How I wish I hadn’t.
I knew it was here all along, I’m conscious of it now.
Maybe I was so accustomed to it I forgot.
Or maybe it was so painful I chose to forget.
Either way, desperate to change this monotony,
I opened the bag.
A hunch now confirmed - this bag belongs to him.
I know I shouldn’t unravel, the secrets held in it.
But I’m desperate, to change this monotony.
Not like I care anymore…
And so, I opened the door to endless suffering.
It’s coming back, the memory of my sin.
That monotonous feeling gone, but it hurts,
Pain surging through my body, beautiful pain!
I remember what I did to him, I regret everything.
But it still feels like, I’m forgetting something.
It courses through my veins, ripping my mind apart.
The striped walls distort into billowing waves.
My bones shatter, blood oozes out of every orifice
Ecstasy! Masking pain with pain
For one brief moment, my mind was at ease
Soon seven silhouettes, surface above Styx
Ira, Invidia, Avaritia, Superbia,
Acedia, Gula and Luxuria
Surround me. Taking still silent steps towards
When just a step away, they morph into one entity – Him
“I’m sorry” “It’s too late now”
My features wince in pain. Pain,
Quaking through my body, wrecking all my states
Desperate to find comfort I believe
This retribution is my redemption.
His contemptuous glare stares right through me
He wasn’t satisfied. A smile creeps up his face.
“You forgot again” He slid something into my pocket
“This’ll help you remember again” And he disappeared
Into the bright darkness
I rise back to my stature
Tears dripping down “I’m sorry”
My sins hurt him; all I can do is regret
I can’t rewrite what I scrawled
Into the indelible sheets of time
I reach into my pocket and pull it out,
A picture of him crying. All the pieces fall into place
This feeling of tranquillity in this moment of realisation
This silence before the storm, lasts until I process everything
I was looking into a mirror
My heart sinks into chaos
My mind finds order
Pain so unimaginable
Pain so… painful
Stop this…
You, reading this,
Make it stop, please
It’s hurting. I can’t bear it anymore
Please help me…
Tell him to stop.
Well, whatever. I don’t care anymore.
Heh, the pain’s fading away already
I’m forgetting again
Trapped, in an endless cycle of time
I’m forgetting everything
Forgetting only to remember again
Acceptance, the last stage of this cycle
I’ve sinned against myself
He’s punishing me for this
I plunge into the tender hands of oblivion
Only to relive this torture when she lets go
I’m a paradox
A nonexistent entity
A human bound to a monster
A soul free of dimensions
Caged in a cube
I’m aware of you
Just as you are aware of me
A soul living by the chasm of insanity
Falling in and getting dragged back
Staying out and getting ****** in
This sure brings back memories! I remember writing this when I was 14. My life was slowing down. Soon enough I realised it had stopped. There wasn't anything new to do. Just the same old monotonous routine. To break that monotony I delved into a past I'd left behind. I ended up getting hurt, but it was fun! I wanted to express the way I felt and that's when I realised I could write poems. This is my first poem. I'm going to write more poems whenever I feel something I don't want to forget. I'm still just a beginner. I'm looking forward to your feedback to help me evolve into a better poet : )
