one day I will die
I will die in a car crash
in a frontal colision
with some ******* who drunk too much
I had  my fare share of responsability
but I will not tell you why
I will just say it wasn’t pleasant
blood and bones all over the road

no, that’s not it
what the hell am I saying?
I will be murdered
in my own house
by some one who don’t belive in my ideologies
someone who profoundly disagree with me
therefore I am a threat to his way of life
or maybe I’ll just do it myself

not that I don’t belive in my convictions
but sometimes I have really hard times
defending them

one way or another
by accident, ****** or suicide
in the end,
someone will have to throw away my stuff
and delete my facebook account

What if I were to take two apples
And push them together so hard
That they became one?
Would it hurt them?
Would they grow sick
From the trauma?

It is likely they would.

I am not at loss for words
When you rant on at me
For mistakes I cannot amend.
For having to pick up after me
At a loss for having had
Appropriate instructions.
If you were to yell at me
For everything
That makes me imperfect,
Would I grow sick?

Perhaps I would.

But having have grown sick
So many times in my short life,
It's hard to overthrow
My well-developed immunity system
For any poison that
Leaks from your torn heart.

I'm sorry you grew sick.

But more than that
I'm sorry you are unable
To pick up after yourself
After causing a storm
In your own head
Day after day.
Hour after hour.

But one day you'll learn
To only take in
That which makes you stronger.
We could learn together...
You hold no responsability
For my negative mindsets
If I would stubbornly choose to have them.
And I hold no responsability for yours,
If you stubbornly choose to have them.

A Mexican standoff is a confrontation among two or more parties in which no participant can proceed or retreat without being exposed to danger. As a result, all participants need to maintain the strategic tension, which remains unresolved until some outside event makes it possible to resolve

Now I don't know what
You are waiting for
But all you need to do
In my book
Is speak the words.

There's no need to mend things
God knows that if it wasn't
For Karmic responsability
I would've spoken those words
A long long time ago.

I don't need anything from you
Just wish you'd come clean
Your foal mood has been going on
Since last Thursday
And for all I care
You can just say it

give him time
Says a whisper of compassion
Yes, even now, there is compassion
he needs time to mend himself
take this seriously
everything else has checked out*

You learn your lessons in high speed
But I certainly wish
It wasn't just because
You're waiting for me to pay the bills
I'd pay them either way
Have I ever been anything less
Than fair?

C'mon. Spit it out.

Life's limitation,
are only held by one's self...

Hopeless thoughts,
is where it starts.....

Life's emotions,
starts the notion...

Of a life,
we can't have...

Stress and burdens,
responsability and hurting....

Fear of not having,
is a wrong thought...

Drive and devotion,
is the right potion...

So hold your light,
into the night...

With love in your heart,
and control of your mind....

Work out life's problems,
and life will be fine...

Do you remember what it was like
When adults spoke words
That we were too young to understand?
Do you remember what it was like
When we were programmed by our parents?
They explained meanings of words,
Trained us in diciplines
And spoke truths
We were too inexpirienced to deeply understand?

Do you remember what it was like
To see a bridge for the first time?
To really see it and wonder
Why it was there and purpose it served?
Something so mundaine today
Back then we just trusted
That if it was there,
Then there must've been
A good reason for it.
We trusted that everything
We saw and heard was true.

don't lie to children

Has it ever occurred to you
That everything we see for the first time
Is being viewed without judgement.
We don't know what it is.
It is up to those who explain it
To remain equally unjudgemental
So we can make up our own minds.
Do you realise that life
Is still a surprise to young eyes?
Don't program them wrong.

Do you realise the responsability
To purify your own mind
Before you speak it
To inexpirienced ears.
If you teach hate, you will see it
Everywhere you go.
Someone once said
if you plant a tree, it will never grow to become grass
So stop demanding it to...
it will always be a tree.
But you help it become
Happier and healthier.

They won't become what you want them to become.
They will become that which they hold a potential for.

indefatigable fools
fighting currents
Acting all different
just to stand out
Arguing with reality
frightened by normality
Majority ain't got time
for this purposeless rebellion.
Tryin to impress with a
dead dude's philosophy
but got no original thoughts.
Taking big like some prodigy
What a sad parody
Nothing but mindless beans
looking for a way outa
responsability
Social rejection
Drug addiction
blaming side affects of
anxiety and depression
Left behind
bruised and beaten
People shout, "just shut up
Sit back in your sadle
You ain't surviving
this battle;  Life
It hands out punches
just roll with it
go with the flow
No need to stay low, tho
Let 'em know
who's the real you"
But incorrigible fools
ignoring advise
Not worth ego sacrifice
they see no alternative but
a prideful stride to suicide

A part of me needs to sleep
That never has.
The thought keeps the
Rest of me awake
At night,

A grown man reaching out for
Something to be weak against,

Something bigger than a teddy,
Smaller than a bear.
Something that knows, and has room.
That sees, and has patience,  

That whispers against
Some part of my softest, innermost;
That there are no needs for
Control on my part.
For now, I have

Only one responsability:
To breathe. Just breathe
Until all my senses withdraw
Into the comforting shell
Of covers, sheets

And a presence that knows
The language of Guardian,
And sings it to me
Until every shard and sliver
Of my being unfolds
Into relief.

Plead for a walk,
window glass confession
Heart watchwalktalkmeditationluck,
Cold was not outside today,
Feels like the best spring play
Joy having nothing to do with this run away from your real responsability...
But what to do?
Tell a heart she's wrong?
As if he weren't the same...
Walkwatchmeditation_talk
Life isn't cruel.

Blindly you stare
At a single point in time
As you tell me
With anger in your voice
How many "hot ******* you ******"

Then persue your point
By arguing that
You would not lower
Your standarts after having had me

I'll take the compliment
But be sure to understand
That only the damaged girls
Would take as much crap
As I took from you

The way I hear you
Is that you need a woman
Who does not need you
So you would not have
The responsability
Of making her happy

The demands are indeed low
With such a girl
But be sure to understand
That the less she needs you
The more likely
You are to lose her
If you continue this way

If she doesn't need you
Then indeed she stays
Because she wants to
But you're not as great as you think
If you expect her
To sway to your each demand
And less than flawless business transactions

If you want a girl
Who doesn't need you
Make sure you
First and foremost
Are the man who doesn't need her
But who stays
Because he wants to.

The degree of our suffering depends mostly on our own responce to it - Guan Yin

why are you crying

If I hadn't suffered so much
Would I not have been happier now?
Would I not have been freer?
Would I now not be released of blaming you?

why did you suffer

Because they harmed me mother
They did me wrong
They took all that I gave
And turned in to soil

Is it your responsability?

It was my effort
My tireless effort
It was what I did out of love!
It was what I gave of myself!

And did you expect something in return?

No.
Maybe.
Yes.
Love.

why would they not love you? Do you have to serve others to win them over

I suppose that's really not
How it should be,
But mum how else will they
Ever love me for who I am?

are you not kind

I think I am

are you not sweet

Sure...

then why would they not love you?

To this I don't know
The right answer
Why do we love
Generally speaking?

*because it's within us. You can only love that within another if you find it within yourself. Love selflessly and you will be loved selflessly. Not because you will never meet those who try to abuse you but because you will stop needing them all together. Love yourself unconditionally and you will be loved unconditionally

The patterns were introduced
I followed them
To my best ability
I broke the outer layers
Believing it was the end
I was too obedient
To whatever was asked of me
A soldier to my soul

One after another
The same situations
I was never free
I faced another heart break
This time I faced my fears
Looked it in the eye
And allowed a world
To unravel before my eyes

And it sure is beautiful
Hidden within a black box
Lays a diamond
That can light up the world
When shared with others
For it is well understood
Within my weary heart
*That the one who holds the knowledge
Has the responsability to pass it on

No direction anywhere yet I know just to take it day-by-day
No direction anywhere while I wonder if it’s even needed
If direction isn’t simply for the weak
If the real option isn’t just in letting go

Writing these lines at 10 am in Barcelona
No fixed plan but to live day-by-day
Look into my shadow and see the reason behind this short of breath
Deciding to get some proper rest before facing the day,
I put my alarm at 11.30 am

Responsibilty
Respons-ability
The ability to respond
Not mapping out your entire life
Moment to moment having the ability to respond
Day-by-day without direction
The most responsible way you can live

Phone on silent sleeping through
1.30 pm as I open my eyes
Back to being depressed as I desperatey try and tell myself that it’s okay
That it really isn’t so bad what I’m feeling
Not believing myself,
dreading that day-by-day will never enough
my religion, my holy grail
The daily question of ”what is the right choice today?”
No path laid out, no decided way to walk
Nobody giving you orders nor pushing yourself for a goal
The act for the act itself
A freedom obligating yourself the constant question of,
”what is the right choice today?”

I wake up to the alarm as I hear her roommate in the kitchen
Dreading the encounter desperately hoping she will accept me as I’m afraid to look her in the eyes
Hating the fact that I just know she sees the state I’m in
The anxiety written all over my face
Surely thinking, ”what is wrong with this guy?”
This guy with no direction in life

Day-to-day, waking up in Barcelona
No fixed plan but knowing the time has come to look into my shadow
Day-to-day, propelling me to write poems
Do serious introspection, forcing me to be fully alive

I leave the kitchen with the implications it might have
Of being this guy who’s not more than what is presented in this very moment
Wondering how much it has to do with a lack of direction
Yet I wouldn’t want any
Nor could I try and force one on me would I want to
The only option being to come to terms with the fact that I have no idea what tomorrow will bring
Where I will be in one month, what I will do in one year
Life is not to be controlled but to be unfolded before your eyes
And if the prize for that is angst
What at times seems to be an everlasting short of breath
Then I choose the uncertainty of life
Rather than force a direction
A direction from my logical mind which doesn’t know ****, anyway

Writing the poem sooths me, as I for a moment accept my faith as the aimless drifterer
I ask a pretty girl outside the book store what she’s reading
Another girl inside only speaking Catalan if she’s finding anything interesting
Before passing by a punk with purple hair begging for money
”How are you?” I ask her looking at her five cups spread out
One for food, one for tattoos, another for vet, and two more for alkohol and ****

Take the anxiety as it comes with all my freedom
Sit down in the dark with a candle as long as it takes
Letting the emotions have their run
Only to wake up the next day with the very same question,
”What is the right choice today?”
No pre-conceptions, no judgement, no saying I should do this or that
Response-ability
Let my instincts guide me, moment to moment being all there is
Not as in watching Youtube or other so-called escapes
Fully engage and if you can’t,
take the huge amount of responsability needed of living day-to-day
Not falling into activites being about life rather meant to be lived another day
Unless, and if you can all the power to you, if you you can watch that kitty-clip with all your heart

What direction could I possibly choose anyway
Go to school
I love my freedom too much
Be a ***
Not really a direction
Neither is traveling
Work as bike messenger
More of a paid hobby
Be a poet
That’s not something you choose
A poker player
Not really something to choose
Devote myself to creative processes
But I wonder if I’m just fumbling in the dark
Desperately trying to hold on to something
When the reality is…

Deception is the art of media, church, and state. It should not be the foundation of how human beings veiw and treat each other. That we are seperate is a deciet. As humans we are all bound together, not in some magical web of destiney but as a human collective with a social responsability to make this world a place of peace love and understanding; instead of a world driven by self-interest, and fear.

Pai eu quero te amar
For always
I hope you will be happy
Knowing that
Pai eu quero te amar
The whole life
And you can believe me pai
Because I am not telling you
Pai any bulshit
I am telling the truth
And that is not a lie
Pai
Also pai obrigado
For keeping me alive
And safe here on earth
Also pai I must tell you
That I never give up
Easy on my life
I try tu do the things
That I must do
Like pray to you
Every single morning
And pai i never forget
To pray to you
And pai I am telling you
The truth
Also pai I am living my life
Every single day
Here on earth
Pai now I must tell you
That I am enjoying
The days of Summer
Here on earth
Pai was you that
Made me in you image
And I am happy to be
A disable men that you created
And gave me a wonderful life
To live here on earth
Pai you had been the men
Who created day and night
The night was made for us to sleep
And pai I go early to bed
So that I can get a good night sleep
And I never get up in the middle of the night
Pai
I sleep like a log pai
Every night
And I am also feeling grateful
For giving the health I have
Pai I know that it is my
Responsability to take a good
Look after my health
Also pai I know that I must
Also look after my hygiene
The first thing in the morning pai
I have my showers
Then when it is finished pai
I dry my body with the but towel pai
Then pai i put my ***** laundry inside
The laundry bag to wash
And pai I must say that one
Laundry bag is already full
Of ***** laundry
Then I get dress pai into the clothes
You had given me for last Christmas
And they are casual clothes
From the second hand store that
My pai bought from
We just love to wear second hand clothes
From the second hand store
Also pai the days are longer during the Summer
And at 9  pm the sun go dowm and it is
The end of the day
And pai I see the beautiful sunset that
You made
And now finally the night arrived
Also it was time for me to go sleep pai

Pai eu quero te amar
For always
I hope you will be happy
Knowing that
Pay eu quero te amar
The whole life
And you can believe me pay
Because I am not telling you
Pai any bulshit
I am telling the truth
And that is not a lie
Pai
Also pai obrigado
For keeping me alive
And safe here on earth
Also pai I must tell you
That I never give up
Easy on my life
I try tu do the things
That I must do
Like pray to you
Every single morning
And pai i never forget
To pray to you
And pai I am telling you
The truth
Also pai I am living my life
Every single day
Here on earth
Pai now I must tell you
That I am enjoying
The days of Summer
Here on earth
Pai was you that
Made me in you image
And I am happy to be
A disable men that you created
And gave me a wonderful life
To live here on earth
Pai you had beem the men
Who created day and night
The night was made for us to sleep
And pai i go early to bed
So that I can get a good night sleep
And I never get up in the middle of the night
Pai
I sleep like a log pai
Every night
And I am also feeling grateful
For giving the health I have
Pai I know that it is my
Responsability to take a good
Look after my health
Also pai I know that I must
Also look after my hygiene
The first thing in the morning pai
I have my showers
Then when it is finished pai
I dry my body with the but towel pai
Then pai i put my ***** laundry inside
The laundry bag to wash
And pai I must say that one
Laundry bag is already full
Of ***** laundry
Then I get dress pai into the clothes
You had given me for last Christmas
And they are casual clothes
From the second hand store that
My pai bought from
We just love to wear second hand clothes
From the second hand store
Also pai the days are longer during the Summer
And at 9 pm the sun go dowm and it is
The end of the day
And pai I see the beautiful sunset that
You made
And now finally the night arrived
Also it was time for me to go sleep pai

Pai eu quero te amar
For always
I hope you will be happy
Knowing that
Pay eu quero te amar
The whole life
And you can believe me pay
Because I am not telling you
Pai any bulshit
I am telling the truth
And that is not a lie
Pai
Also pai obrigado
For keeping me alive
And safe here on earth
Also pai I must tell you
That I never give up
Easy on my life
I try tu do the things
That I must do
Like pray to you
Every single morning
And pai i never forget
To pray to you
And pai I am telling you
The truth
Also pai I am living my life
Every single day
Here on earth
Pai now I must tell you
That I am enjoying
The days of Summer
Here on earth
Pai was you that
Made me in you image
And I am happy to be
A disable men that you created
And gave me a wonderful life
To live here on earth
Pai you had beem the men
Who created day and night
The night was made for us to sleep
And pai i go early to bed
So that I can get a good night sleep
And I never get up in the middle of the night
Pai
I sleep like a log pai
Every night
And I am also feeling grateful
For giving the health I have
Pai I know that it is my
Responsability to take a good
Look after my health
Also pai I know that I must
Also look after my hygiene
The first thing in the morning pai
I have my showers
Then when it is finished pai
I dry my body with the but towel pai
Then pai i put my ***** laundry inside
The laundry bag to wash
And pai I must say that one
Laundry bag is already full
Of ***** laundry
Then I get dress pai into the clothes
You had given me for last Christmas
And they are casual clothes
From the second hand store that
My pai bought from
We just love to wear second hand clothes
From the second hand store
Also pai the days are longer during the Summer
And at 9 pm the sun go dowm and it is
The end of the day
And pai I see the beautiful sunset that
You made
And now finally the night arrived
Also it was time for me to go sleep pai

Nothing gonna change my love for you
My father
I must say that I also love you
Very much
You father loves me without limits
And I feel very good about that
My father
Also my father you had been the
One who made me with
You holy hands
Many years ago
And placed me here on earth
To live
I must tell you that
I love to live here on earth
My father
Also my father
I have friends here on earth
That you made then
With you holy hands
Also father when you made
My friends you had placed
Then here on earth to live
And also my friends love
The earth
When the night arrives
Here on earth
We first pray to you
And ask you to give as health
Because we have poor health now
Also it is our responsability to look
After our health every single day
Also father we are no long young
Because our young lives are over
Also father we don’t want to die yet
Because we still have a life to live
And we will live it to the fullest
Every single day
Also father we are happy
That you are keeping us alive here on
Earth every single day
Also we are sad to see the ending of Summer
Yes father Summer ended very fast
Now you brought us the fall
Yes it is no longer warm
The warm days are over
We need now to finally start
To wear our winter clothes
And put the Summer clothes away
The leaves on the trees are changining its color
To golden
Also there are some leaves of the trees
On the ground

And also my friends love
The earth
When the night arrives
Here on earth
We first pray to you
And ask you to give as health
Because we have poor health now
Also it is our responsability to look
After our health every single day
Also father we are no long young
Because our young lives are over
Also father we don’t want to die yet
Because we still have a life to live
And we will live it to the fullest
Every single day
Also father we are happy
That you are keeping us alive here on
Earth every single day
Also we are sad to see the ending of Summer
Yes father Summer ended very fast
Now you brought us the fall
Yes it is no longer warm
The warm days are over
We need now to finally start
To wear our winter clothes
And put the Summer clothes away
The leaves on the trees are changing its color
To golden
Also there are some leaves of the trees
On the ground

Pai eu quero te amar
For always
I hope you will be happy
Knowing that
Pay eu quero te amar
The whole life
And you can believe me pay
Because I am not telling you
Pai any bulshit
I am telling the truth
And that is not a lie
Pai
Also pai obrigado
For keeping me alive
And safe here on earth
Also pai I must tell you
That I never give up
Easy on my life
I try tu do the things
That I must do
Like pray to you
Every single morning
And pai i never forget
To pray to you
And pai I am telling you
The truth
Also pai I am living my life
Every single day
Here on earth
Pai now I must tell you
That I am enjoying
The days of Summer
Here on earth
Pai was you that
Made me in you image
And I am happy to be
A disable men that you created
And gave me a wonderful life
To live here on earth
Pai you had beem the men
Who created day and night
The night was made for us to sleep
And pai i go early to bed
So that I can get a good night sleep
And I never get up in the middle of the night
Pai
I sleep like a log pai
Every night
And I am also feeling grateful
For giving the health I have
Pai I know that it is my
Responsability to take a good
Look after my health
Also pai I know that I must
Also look after my hygiene
The first thing in the morning pai
I have my showers
Then when it is finished pai
I dry my body with the but towel pai
Then pai i put my ***** laundry inside
The laundry bag to wash
And pai I must say that one
Laundry bag is already full
Of ***** laundry
Then I get dress pai into the clothes
You had given me for last Christmas
And they are casual clothes
From the second hand store that
My pai bought from
We just love to wear second hand clothes
From the second hand store
Also pai the days are longer during the Summer
And at 9 pm the sun go dowm and it is
The end of the day
And pai I see the beautiful sunset that
You made
And now finally the night arrived
Also it was time for me to go sleep pai

Pai eu quero te amar
For always
I hope you will be happy
Knowing that
Pay eu quero te amar
The whole life
And you can believe me pay
Because I am not telling you
Pai any bulshit
I am telling the truth
And that is not a lie
Pai
Also pai obrigado
For keeping me alive
And safe here on earth
Also pai I must tell you
That I never give up
Easy on my life
I try tu do the things
That I must do
Like pray to you
Every single morning
And pai i never forget
To pray to you
And pai I am telling you
The truth
Also pai I am living my life
Every single day
Here on earth
Pai now I must tell you
That I am enjoying
The days of Summer
Here on earth
Pai was you that
Made me in you image
And I am happy to be
A disable men that you created
And gave me a wonderful life
To live here on earth
Pai you had been the men
Who created day and night
The night was made for us to sleep
And pai I go early to bed
So that I can get a good night sleep
And I never get up in the middle of the night
Pai
I sleep like a log pai
Every night
And I am also feeling grateful
For giving the health I have
Pai I know that it is my
Responsability to take a good
Look after my health
Also pai I know that I must
Also look after my hygiene
The first thing in the morning pai
I have my showers
Then when it is finished pai
I dry my body with the but towel pai
Then pai i put my ***** laundry inside
The laundry bag to wash
And pai I must say that one
Laundry bag is already full
Of ***** laundry
Then I get dress pai into the clothes
You had given me for last Christmas
And they are casual clothes
From the second hand store that
My pai bought from
We just love to wear second hand clothes
From the second hand store
Also pai the days are longer during the Summer
And at 9  pm the sun go dowm and it is
The end of the day
And pai I see the beautiful sunset that
You made
And now finally the night arrived
Also it was time for me to go sleep pai