The waterbug and the ladybug
Fell in love with each other
But they couldn't work it out
They couldn't get it together
Ladybug said " I can't swim "
And water bugs can't fly

Ladybug swung down like a swing
Kissed him with her wing
One touch and the connection was made
Ladybugs love was real
Waterbug cried tears of sadness
For the first time he could feel

The day's turned into years
Ladybugs memories grew
She took her love to the waters edge
She didn't know what else to do
Waterbug was there in his lillypad home
So much his
But still he lived his life alone
Ladybug lived in his mind
There's nobody like her in the water to find

"Ladybug, I'll always love you"
He said very sincere
Waterbug then whispered in her ear
"If you ever need me, I'm always here"

june tenth
the pale lamp in my room is flickering again,
you told me fifty three times to fix it,
i never did.

september twenty-first
every morning i drink apple juice,
you liked orange juice and always asked me to buy some,
i never did.

september twenty-fifth
wednesday: the day you were born,
once you were gone i was supposed to forget,
i never did.

october third
halloween is coming up,
you told me to dress up as captain america,
i never did.

may second
it's spring time and the flowers are hopping up from their beds, (another thing i never did)
i can't believe the world still goes on but,
i never did.

may eighteenth
i read the fifth harry potter book,
i skipped two and four; you once told me to write my own story,
i never did.

may twenty-seventh
you always laid out my meds for me on our lillypad green paper napkins,
but whenever i'd take them you'd vanish, so,
i never did.

june first
i played a mel tormé record,
you said i had a better voice than him whenever i sang along but,
i never did.

june sixth
i cried for the first time in three days,
the world felt heavier today, i tried to let it crush me but,
it never did.

june tenth
now its been,
well,
time seems a bit funny to me now a days.
but i guess its probably been two months or so,
but the calendar says four years,
but the calendar wouldn't be the first thing to lie to me in here.
but i want to let you know:

i don't have lamps now,
i only am allowed water,
they never tell me what day it is,
i haven't even seen a halloween since your absence,
the only thing close to flowers in here is the pattern on my gown,
the "library" here *****, there is a total of nine books. they are all gross romance novels,
my meds now come in a tiny paper cup four times a day,
they only play country here and thats only on music therapy days,
the world floated up
                                    up
                         ­                 up
                                             ­   and away, i assume it took you with it,

i guess it is just and fair that this happened to me,
i mean look at all the things you asked that i did not do for you,
but i asked you one thing,
and you said you'd always be with me, but,
you never did
**no one ever did

post a photograph on the internet
feel stupid
delete it
you mean very little to me but
I desperately want your approval
sit down, place mobile fan in front of face
close eyes
try to breathe
fall back into meadow of linen
rest head on lillypad pillow
teach mom how to properly pronounce "cherry triple soothing action"
fantasize about growing up in Laguna Beach
open eyes
get off bed
stand in front of closet mirror
this is your reflection
this is your mouth tinted in violet
these are the outlines of restless nights beneath the crease of
bottom lashes
these are your shoulders
these are your *******
stretchmarks replicate on the spectrum of your back like
electromagnetic waves
fantasize about growing longer legs
write a letter to somebody that you used to love
wonder where feelings go when you no longer feel them
mind begins to waiver oblivion
you can no longer follow
and you no longer want to
tear up letter in four pieces
stare down at idle light pink hands
they are the same two that caressed his face between them
they are the same two that wrote the words that would tear him apart
attach an emotion to a memory
paste meaning to a sentence where there is none
store consciousness in binary file
shut down computer
restart brim of indifferent heart

Bullfrog on Lillypad Awaits
Dragonfly eaten, to Sounds of Loons

Pretty in the sight of you
Sweetness in sun
Those darkened corners where ghosts are scattered no longer lie in wait of an awakened fate
You've promised to hold me close and tight
Forever you said
Closer still you've come to the forever I feared would ****** away in the blink I hadn't seen coming
Forever you said
Doll face kisses and lillypad glances
I chose that moment to believe
I chose that moment to forget
Sweetened kisses and lillybin misses
Honey you're a glow worm
In the sway of the heat you're that cool and calm gem
In the dusk before I sleep you may be the one I'd wanna play for keeps

soft pink
daisy yellow
sky blue
lillypad green
cloud white

pills

my life
his life

filled with beautiful pastels
we even see them in our nightmares