foisting up at the strop of yawn
i remark,
impared
at the bluffers worn
it is kildy and capy
i'm underly mistaken
i plonder on my clothing
and part the towd ranglings
blind are the dawnings
it's still a mite
at four gone the night
and more a tune til the mourning
i am blowtard and sworn
i mumble back to kibble
and a mount full of scorn

Love, what a joke when you're alive like me,
But you like to laugh along until you tell me what you want, tell me why it can't be
You got guns and guns, you make sure to load the clips for it
You get me nice and close you know kissing distance, and let your pistol whisper it.

Go ahead and buy those things to make yourself feel like you've found it.
Being lost I've found 'finding' funds flagrancy; and just goes to compound it.
Gimme this gimme that, does this lifestyle you know, make me look fat?
Get your own body (stop watching mine) what do you think you should look more at?

Love, what a joke when you're alive like me,
Try to stay awake to observe your nature and I fell asleep up in the tree,
Buy yourself a ticket take our time and have it tossed
You lit a fire in me, I got lost in you, now I'm on fire and lost.

It was wrong.
Now your gone.
I'm lost.

Do you have any idea how sick I am of myself?
Or what that's like?
(Chances are you don't)
Burn yourself with an iron, get really good at it, do it all the time then you might.

I'm to that point where I can't brag about my fears, not anymore
They just make me scared. (That's what they want)
Driving backwards to go forwards in a car without the rears,
Still feeling more comfortable impared.

Light the fuse and wait for no explosion, being blunt: I can't find a point.
My mom told me every day I was special, I was chosen,
Then she marked a made up friend who's easier to anoint.

Through all of this, nothing is constant.
Not mother, nor brother, nor pa
Mother gave me to a father who lost me
Now I expect everything to go wrong.
To be gone.
To be lost.

Feeling for affinity in streets all filled with enemies
I've had my fill of friends who tease then climb on me to meet their means
Got enough **** problems of my own, stuck in a government that wants my bones
Home of the brave, land of the free, host to double down hypocrisy (the parasites are profiting!)

I guess I'm ****** to be ******, collar free slavery
For every shambled man or ma'am who wants to sign into democracy
C-a-p-I-t-olism,
Get em trapped up in the schism boys! Get em boys get em!

We're lost.

We've lost our way.
Or maybe it's just me.
If you're out there please say, please stay.
We are this lands new beginning.

Once again
Word binge
Trying to think of some verbal fringe.
Hope I can bring about some wit
Maybe some confessions I'll actually admit.
Perhaps I'll write 4 poems in a row
Have a temper tantrum to throw.
Try to portray someone that I wish to be
Take pride in the fact that I'm being insane but responsibly.
Try to compete with someone who knows more words than I
Anything to move along this sleepless night.
Sit awhile and stare upwards
Talking to myself until it gets awkward.
Give self advice to which I'll never listen
Try to figure out if I really am a Christian.
Pine and whine and rhyme and cry
Comfort myself by writing lies
Delete it all or reconsider?
Does it help or does it matter?
Feel the butterfly under my pillow
My Smith and Wesson blade it's bed fellow.
Alone in what I thought was shared
My wedding bed feeling bare.
Attempting to practice myself as less impared.
Thinking of ways to improve my snare.
Cradle me through
With words and truth.
You don't need to touch me
Just give me proof.
That I'm not alone
In four walls, boxed
While occasionally getting up
To recheck the locks.
Lots of crime down the block
And it's stirring up the gentile folks.
To think all but 6 years shy
I was the one who they tried to lock out at night.
Being the one who went bump with delight.
Begging for the next big fight.
Domestication
My silent destruction
Made my calloused hands soft and lotioned
My scars now turned to thin lines of redemption
That the body survived
But the soul is still in incarceration.
Maybe if I turned my brain
Away from the gravitational strain
Of fighting to stay alive each day.
Most think that ease is easy
That kicking back makes life worth living.
I tried the kitchen and the big screen tv.
I gave a chance to indoor voices
I gave someone else my harder choices.
I let a paycheck define my courtship.
And now I'm soft and feel like horse ****.
Not all were meant for quiet lives.
Some can't just turn off the flame in their eyes.
Some can't forget the memories that deprives
Them of simplistic everyday joys of being alright.
And the price is to lay awake a night
Bickering with myself instead of carousing for a fight.
Knowing that I chose it all
Welcomed it with my arms all sprawled.
It's devistating to find out your *******.
Derping around and never intended
To listen to myself being regarded
With pity as they talk slowly
As if I'm cross eyed and hearing poorly.
By the grace of God I can wipe my own ***
I can feed myself and drink out of my own glass.
Never thought I'd live to see the day
To look so young and feel so middle aged.
******* rants
Letting my fingers dance
On letters with smug little prances.
Title it for me
I won't sue
I'm sure I've probably titled you too.

Here I sit,
In my safest place,
Still scared.

Paranoid to spit,
I must control my face,
Or be impared.

Falling into the pit,
Must state my case,
In repair.