You always meant the world to me ....even if I didn't show it....*** I wanted you from the moment we met and deep down u know it.
You said you cant "say it", well im the opposite of that..i can "say it "but im scared to "show it" .. *** what if  I do something dumb and blow it?
There isn't anything I wouldn't do to have u back in my life....but I don't think you want me in ur life  especially since you already pretty much  have a "wife"...
it hurts so bad it feels worse then being cut with  a knife.
I want to just talk to u....*** I so badly miss u....I think it will even matter....but you've always been the one....that's why before we meet my soul knew when we connected  of fb that we weren't just 2 people talking....Ive talked to  a few guys here and there....had no connection with even one of them....but with u.....I cant even get u outta my mind. I was looking for u too but not like Sherlock....(maybe a sure lick but not a Sherlock...lol)  or how some look for others....but I was looking for you,,,*** there was something about u that had some major hold on me.....then when u left me on fb I knew u were on twitter and I was on there a few times before that  but once u left I was addicted to it.  I was watching your movments....at first I was anaylising(I know its spelled wrong and I don't care....its to know one so why would I give a **** if its correct.) the things that were said and if certain words you used more then others  also you  spoke like a knight would at times and say things that only "knights" of the round table kind of guys say.... im not going to tell you *** then youd know. or I was watching the content of which the words were worded and the types of ords you used. if your punctuation was perfect every time. also the typos if any or not *** when u are on fb and instant msg someone its fast and u cant proof it before sending. so u made basicly none but you did on few things and ive always remembered them... I watches what words you said or used the most....things you would say every time...because were connected for some reason. You know its true but you for some reason don't want to let yourself feel real love....or are scared of it...how did u ever get her if your always in fear of everything...? I don't know why you  don't want to let urself feel these feeling and keep fighting it.....I don't know why.....*** I can feel all of this....like u have 4 or more people inside u and they are the ones whos fighting u....its one against like 3 or 4 others.....as if your my angel and the others are the devil.....
*** I learned that you had many many various accts...womans , kids,  men , boys, kids in high school, teen girls who cut, many others ....from other countries....those were all my favs.....but the one the MAIN one (was Be_N....) was a farm animal...I couldn't not go one twitter and see what he said.....*** I was in need of closure....   I was also convinced I could win u back becus we had a weird connection....and it was lust or anythg stupid like that....its is *** we were suppose to be together....why do u think I was honest from the gate....I told u I cared and have love in my heart for u but I was in love with "him" and would point to the computer.......
my point is you know ive always wanted u and if you cant see that.....then im lost and have no idea what to do.....*** all I know is....for all eternity I will be loving u.

Dearest friend (I've yet to meet),

Who was I kidding?
As if I somehow missed the message --
Childish, my reply sent said:

'shoot! I'm sorry - I must have forgot to hit send'

- I'm the loser who let you wonder for a minute if I meant it (but don't give another thought) a moment longer you'll realize.. I'm lying, I'm a liar (spoiler alert)

I hate to break it to you, today, I really couldn't care less  - yesterday you were all I had left, tomorrow maybe fate will finally bless me, find me dead as I felt inside since I can remember and I'll be at peace with knowing I left you alone.... 
I know, I know.....
We talked for hours, I told you who i really was.. that was just a test - when u got back to me I honestly  almost instantly lost all interest. (Caught a catch 22)
Listen closely (or rather, read carefully) you know I said I love you and that is still the truth (for what its worth, you're welcome) but what you may not know is that i resented you for the fact that you said you love me back (believe me it hurts to say the truth) so my reaction may seem a bit unexpected, know I know I left you with less than you deserve - but this was the only gift I could afford.


I'm unavailable & miserable with the mess I've made for me (trauma tethered me to someone I will never take the leap to try to be me with)

Ask around you'll find my reputation is deplorable - I only ever take (and take and take) 
-- kind of like taxes, most people HATE taxes (no matter how necessary they may be)

I was never meant to be so painfully average - i was born of greatness (trust me, my folks were basicly the best) nurtured my mediocrity on purpose to avoid the pressures of the "life" i should have (could have) led - you say it's not too late - 
Satan's screaming 'she's a liar, you're a waste, take her, keep her here with us'
I look to Christ for sage advice -
'You best just keep your distance, shes a lover but she knows not what she says - she speaks from a place you've never really been welcome - and if she knew everything you took from her, remember, she's only human, and..well.. I think you understand..'
He was right, I know - (Lucifer's a ****, despite the fact he's generally always atleast half right)
You're too beautiful - my reflection is hideous..
I resist all kinship, we could have shared because love hurts so much (or so I've witnessed) 
when goodbyes 
(Even those one might call over due) 
Sneak up and bite us, we are the ****** and cursed the worst and best of us survivors - alike (this is a fact, even if they never ever find common ground sturdy enough to build on, it's there - everyone feels pain from loss -- and the amount of pain between mortals is suprisingly more irrelevant than it is relative)
and we will feel loss, all of us (even the unloved and especially the forgotten)
Someone is always left behind,
I would do anything to outlive all my loved ones (and so I sought immortality) - because I know how it feels to lose them (the gifted, the gone-to-soons) and know this, loneliness scares me a hell of a lot less than transfering pain (undoing all the happiness I meant to spread from my plastic bag filled with good intentions) to some poor soul whose silly enough to feel for me even half of what I felt for them.

I regret this profession I was given - every day it gets harder to convince myself that I'm a good guy, just trying to do my job. Someone has to do it and from what I can tell: 
gods plan is just a rough draft, edited frequently and it's up to no one to really understand it, and yet, everything revolves around it. 
.. and I mean everything. 
Including me,
The Reaper (although, I dislike the title because it insinuates I am absolutely the only one like me.
I often fantasize that I am one of many others, 
maybe they're on other planets or different planes who knows..but I can tell you with absolute certainty that I've yet to meet another like me.)

I guess we all have a purpose - is what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I should run.. I have a million and some odd funerals to attend this week alone. 


Signed sincerely -
Your friend,
Death

P.s. I will wait for you, there's really no rush for us to meet ♡

We all have an aura .. Around our bodies
Aura magnetic aura's are they
Like a magnet one side attracts the other
Pushes some things thus so away

How often has one said she's lovely he's not
What had her choose him wondering why
How often has one been drawn to another
So many have remarked re this cannot deny

Walking into a room one's drawn to another
Or as well pushed away from one the see
It's like a magnet pulling pushing drawing
It's the science of lovedoing it's thing  basicly

One's aura is a powerful thing at times in life
Doing as it does so often naturally in it's way
Bringing souls together or rejecting them
Without us knowing often upon night or day

Aura's indicate positive negative like dislike
It's a natural thing that surrounds us true
Aura's read Red anger Yellow cowardness
And sadness at times comes in shades of blue

terrence michael sutton
copyright 2018

What happened to me was a tragedy, and i never want to go through it again. The person who hurt me so badly, was my mother. I needed help with something and my mom got tired of me asking her for help. So my mom got very angery and started coming at me and i ran but she caught me and then she started punching and kicking me. I screamed for help, but nobody heard me and nobody came to help. To this day ive lived in fear of her and i live in fear that one day she might do it again. If my mom moves towards me i move back, if she moves her arms toward me i flinch. There is basicly one thing im terrifyied of, and that is my mom.

I write this poem just for you
With all these feelings what could I do
A tomb of words that stack like that
Surrounding things seep though the cracks
Words hard as brick to build my tower
Piece by piece hour by hour.

Basicly I'm saying I'm making my grave
If I stick around you, there's no way I'll behave.
My words are all I have left to display my affection
Once you listen you come quick with correction

I lay here dying in my tomb
Your lurking silhouette still lingers in my room
Casting your shadow for me to see
Your presence haunts me in my dreams

Poisoning my undeveloped self at age fourteen with toxic fumes and deadly drinks that are meant for adults who want to have fun or detach for awhile. I didn't know rather it because I was trying to be happy or be someone else which basicly is the same thing. I longed to be someone else and achohol and cigarettes defined that someone. Drinking and smoking is for grown ups they say but I grew up fast.

This elusive term is like
A bright red balloon at the park.  
You have to hold tight,
because if you loosen your grip just alittle... it's gone.

Happiness is a sail boat
Keeping a float
In a vicious sea
Carelessly free

*Basicly happiness is
in the eye of the storm of life.
In order to keep it,
you must change with it.

HUMANS SIMPLY NEVER LEARN

How they say we humans mostly make the same mistakes
Doing things the same always expecting all to be better yet
The very reason endless civilizations are no more around
Instead of contentment natures creations game and set

Flowers bloomed the same a million years ago as now
The ever needed sunshine the moon stars always same
But along comes humans all knowing dunces in pointy hats
Wanting to be known as the most brilliant without a brain

We need oxygen grow more trees need happiness make love
Take away the .. Look at me I'm god upon earth ..human suicide
We'er here to learn to be one since first days of moon and sun
Or the horse of yet another planet destruction we all get to ride

Forget all the .. I Know The Way .. And be simply what we are
Take away all the latest rules of life just love one another that be
Basicly we all are what we were created to be like land and sea
We could all go back centuries and still be ahead so very far

My own father used to say .. Want the fire to burn my mate
He'd take a deep breath .. Then leave the ****** thing alone
But no theres always one kid in every class in school that feels
I'm a born again genius stuff common sense I might just go home

Well theres endless on earth that knows how this story it goes
And we allow these brain dead knowit all to run our earth
When all we have to do is to become one love each other
But they feel theres no money in doing that or any worth ..

https://goo.gl/images/1yFKuE

terrence michael sutton
copyright 2018

now i own nothing with this song but its lyric basicly are my life so i wanna share it. i hope  you enjoy.


Short steps, deep breath
Everything is alright
Chin up, I can't
Step into the spotlight
She said, "I'm sad,"
Somehow without any words
I just stood there
Searching for an answer

When this world is no more
The moon is all we'll see
I'll ask you to fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don't mind
If you're with me, then everything's alright

Why do my words
Always lose their meaning?
What I feel, what I say
There's such a rift between them
He said, "I can't
Really seem to read you. "
I just stood there
Never know what I should do

When this world is no more
The moon is all we'll see
I'll ask you to fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don't mind
If you're with me, then everything's alright
If you're with me, then everything's alright