I am that crazy person that you saw drive past your street seven times in the past ten minutes
I don’t know where I’m going
Not in the car
Not in my future
It’s like no one put up street signs
And I end up crashing into a light post
Or fire hydrant
Or literally anything straight ahead of my vehicle
And then you see me start to completely lose it
Tears streaming down my eyes
Because of course this had to happen
And specifically to me
And everything is going wrong
So of course I ran in to the seven year old’s dog
Right in front of her
On her birthday
With all her little friends watching
Just after I got off the phone with my mom
Who said my grandma was dying
And also after a morning
That was impossible for me to get out of bed
I was that sad
And I was on my way to who knows where
To do who knows what
That would probably make my depression and anxiety even worse
Of course this had to happen
I don’t know where I am going anymore
I thought I did
But I don’t
It’s basically like I don’t even have a license to drive my own life
So how am I supposed to get there?

love always had four letters
until i heard your name
and suddenly it became five

There are days that I look at my favorite blank wall
And i start to whisper-yell
(I’m screaming on the inside,
But I whisper-yell)
I say all the things I was going to say today
(Should have said,)
All the things that I could have mentioned ****** me off
But didn’t, today
And I whisper-yell all the things that I want to say tomorrow
(Should say tomorrow)
But won’t say tomorrow
It’s easier to tell this blank wall what I’m mad about
Rather than lose friends over my temper
That is rising from their stupidity
That they don’t know exists

She had galaxies
In her eyes
And her tears
Were falling stars.

You asked me why I like you
But I didn’t want to tell
Some of my reasons are cheesy...
But here is why I fell

I love the way your lips curve
When I make you smile
It makes me want to pull you close
And kiss you for awhile

I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you talk about things you love
I truely believe
You are a gift from above

I love that you are compassionate
You have such a big heart
That was the first thing I noticed
Right from the start

I love the way it feels
When you hold me tight
I finally feel safe
Like I could sleep through the night

I love that you don’t judge me
For my less than perfect self
That is more attractive
Than any amount of wealth

There are so many more reasons
But I’ll start with just this few
Maybe someday
I’ll give this poem to you

:)

I'm jealous of the rain
It gets close to you
Closer than I ever will
It touches your skin
It combs your hair
It comes when you're sad
It stays when you're happy
I love you but you don't love me
So I say
I'm jealous of the rain

From twelve o’clock this morning
I’ve had the worst of days
I laid in bed thinking
Staring at the ceiling
Thinking about how my eyes weren’t heavy yet
My body was not tired
And all I felt was sick

By one o’clock I threw up twice
But I’m almost certain
I am not sick
All I could do was think
All I could do was think
In circles and loops and swerves

By two o’clock
I was crying
I just wanted to fall asleep
I wanted to be tired again
Feel the sleep press on my eyes
But somehow my body’s signals for homeostasis
Got broken
They aren’t working quite right at the moment

By three o’clock sleep finally came
Finally, finally, finally came
I dreamed of random things
Things that I did not like
Things that made me miss the old me
Naive me
Happy me

By four o’clock I woke up again
And everything was wrong
I walked to the bathroom
Stood facing the mirror to see tears streaking down to my chin
And everything was wrong
My hair
My eyes
Arms and legs
And I saw the outfit
I picked out yesterday
So pretty and comfortable
But right then
It was wrong
I hated it
I hated everything
I hated myself
And everything I stood for
I picked out something else
Something that didn’t make me feel
So… mad
And I parted my hair different
Because the way it was
Was awful
And I hated it
So I changed
I was so mad

By five o’clock
I realized
That sleep was
As good as a dream
So I sat staring
More staring
At nothing but shaded ceiling

By six o’clock I had thirty minutes left
The seconds felt like infinities

By seven I forced myself to get out of bed
Trying to make it a better day
But I still hated everything and to make matters worse
I had to figure out a way
To smile through the day
It was rough

And I’m still waiting for it to get better.