Just love me...
when I can't seem to smile.
Just love me...
even with all my yelling, sorry it's mostly in my head.
Just love me...
The voices get louder, and I better just lock myself up.
Just love me...
The only way I know how to share my feelings is in poetry.
Just love me...
Because, I already love you....

Not drunk enough to stew tonight
Not true enough to be so right
Not brave enough to use this knife

It all falls back on you

Not tall enough to see above
Not sick enough to **** a dove
Not dumb enough . . .
To love

Too much of one to see through the other
Too many habits to blame on your mother
Too selfish to share with another
Gather enough sheets to . . .
Smother

It all falls back on you
These failed attempts to cut through
These mistakes
Regrets
These high stake
Secrets

Flush them out
Flush them out
Flush them out

These feelings
Are chores
These habits
They bore

Too scared to change
Too tired to run away
Get so caught up in a sentimental sway
These moments
Please stay
Please stay
Don't leave me . . .

Fade away

Thoughts drained of intelligence.
All of it splayed on the sidewalk
For bikes to run over, for feet to crush.
Rain melts into the cracks
And the sun is painted gold for the night.
Wind whips the air outside
And hot tears roll tracks over my nose
Creating shapes on my pillow
For the world to see
But for me to hide.
Numbness in my arms.
Language jumbled.
Control is a world away.
Universe
Eyes are red and tired
But the lock on joy is rusting
Chains slowly break apart
As others constrict suddenly.
Breath is squeezed from my lungs
And black surrounds my face
Letting the painted sun sink
Without notice.

8/31/09

@@@
Shown too much...hidden treasure revealed.
Truth brought forth a new prespective
all to real

How could u show me
that which would make me complete
just out of reach
I am met with defeat

My body aches
and the hate penetrates
closing the eternal gate

Lines have been drawn
between Passion and Pain
I've chosen to be numb
so I can sustain

Unworthy to have
I've settle for less
and now I miss my eternal bliss
bring back the kiss to my hungry lips

Breathe me to life
for my breath has ceased
the torture is unbareable
I'm drowning in grief

Blinded by sorrow
no faith in tomorrow
been robbed of today
not much left to say

Visions I seek of you
have made me anew
searching endlessly
for my destiny
@@@

How long can I hold on

How long has it been

So many scars that never heal

Opening once again

I have bleed too many years

Grown cold inside

When will the tears cease

Numbness has yet to set in

Today I feel much hate

Hate who I am

Hate what I’ve become

I will make this change

I can not wilt away

I might be beat

I will not allow defeat

A sliver of determination rests here

I am holding this with much care

Awaiting the day when the flood rushes in

And all is to begin again.
******

“Pain never really goes away….you just elevate and get use to it by growing stronger” ~ Unknown