disgust, saddening disgust
let me wrap myself in bandages
and turn my soul to rust
my self-loathing ravages
as i feel lost in my skeleton
i don't want to be changed
and i can't be undone
they call me deranged
for being born wrong
every second is aching
but my song won't be sung
for happiness is not mine for the taking

oh body, set me free
i want to be a whisper
anything but me
let me roam
just clouds on lilac skies
let me breathe gardens
and stars 'till the red sun rise

his hands in my hair
lips desperately feeling lips
hysteric fear in the air
and thumbs pressing hips

secret kisses
or i'll be dead
my love hisses
so i can keep my head

his wide fearful eyes
please don't cry
we all tell lies
we have to try

i hear them whisper it
whispering like a death-wish
as an insult, hard hit
right in my ears
they don't even know
they mean me

some places i'm illegal
some places i'm free
shame me for love
that's what they do
they hate me for lust
and their gods hate me too

is it so wrong?
that i used someone
that i liked using someone?

is it so wrong?
the lies, the manipulation
was my pleasure?

is it so wrong?
hurting you
was amusing?

is it so wrong?
that all i am
is a monster?

let me kiss your blood-stained lips
and breathe a last goodnight
let me caress your cold milk skin
and close your hollow eyes
never love a sick child
never let hearts run wild

i've lied my whole life
writing love poems
and pretending to fall in love
and pretending to care
just to hide this

sociopath

they say i'm a monster
they call me the devil
i didn't ask for this

just because i can't feel for you
doesn't mean i can't feel.