The stars are falling off my ceiling.

I'm paying bills,
Buying college books,
Saving for a car,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My calendar is full
Marked with appointments
And work hours

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My friends are getting married,
Having children,
And buying houses,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

Like the child
In my heart
Is emaciating,

I'm twenty years old,
And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

Whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder
was a **** liar
or, maybe, they had a stronger heart than mine,
which is likely.
I smoke too much.
Either way, it doesn't seem to apply to me.
Distance makes my heart forgetful.
Somehow, I've only just realized
it's been twelve days since we last spoke
through words on a screen.
Fifteen since your voice was last deconstructed
and sent to me through signals in the air that I breathe.
Months have passed from that day you don't remember.
The day I said goodbye;
my heart heavy with finality.
How is that possible?
How can I go days without thinking about you?
You were the fox to my hound,
the Piglet to my Poo,
the Abed to my Troy.
I said once that I felt our connection was severed
and I think I actually understand what that means now.
It means when I saw an old lady
drive her car through someone's lawn,
my first thought wasn't how funny you'd find that.
It means when I listen to our favorite band,
I no longer recognize the lines you love.
It means that when I think of family,
there is no one left.
It means my new neighbor no longer offers me sugar
because I don't look so bitter anymore.
You were the last person I had.
Now, all I have is ghosts and a forgetful heart.

This isn't a story
about how I overcame a past demon
or how I beat the bully with the power of friendship,
because you and I both know
that didn't happen.  
I don't want this to be another sad teenaged story
about how my boyfriend broke up with me
or how my best friend kissed my crush.
This is a story about how
I was born an unlucky kid
who I was blessed with
tears instead of smiles,
who has more love for other
than for herself,
who is more willing to die
than to live.
I'm just an unlucky kid
who debates whether to live life
or to end it.

If your surrounded by people
Yet you feel disconnected
When they share things in common
Yet you seem discontented
Keep your head held high
For you might be the Light
That guides another "I"

When you retreat within yourself
Never let nobody in
Does it seem unforgiven
When you cant seem to win?
Keep your Heart open
For you may be the Echo
To someone elses cry

Life happens
When it seems to pass you by
Today begins
Even if Yesterday didnt die
And being Alone
Is not the worst thing to be
Being Lonely seems worse
When you refuse to even try

If your Life had no meaning
Would God have wasted time
To put you within this Life-
If He had no reason why?
Dont pride yourself
On being unique
Somebody somewhere lives
The same Life it seems

But be the version
No one else can be
Theres a reason
Why you have to cry...

I wish I could tell you how angry I feel,
the betrayal, the sadness, how I fought what was real,
it was one thing after another, constantly pounding me down,
I so desperately wanted smiles, but all I could muster was frowns.

I now know what it feels like to be close to the ground,
To be so lost in translation, to never be found.

I thought it was over when you said it would never be,
but it was only then that I began to truly see,
I had somewhere along the way given up my sense of worth,
I could no longer be found in bouts of mirth,
when I had thought the stars had disappeared and it was my darkest day,
was actually when I chose to never be kept at bay,

I am of the cosmos, of infinite intricacy,
who's creation and humanity are held together intimately,
These are not just eyes, but rather the stardust of time,
and for you to take me for granted is one of your greatest crimes,

we could have had a story that rivaled the constellations,
a love so passionate it echoed for generations,
but unlike the universe you were not laid bare,
you instead laid a trap with the intent to ensnare.

I do not need you to unlock the secrets of my night sky,
I know now that you do not belong in my galaxy, good-bye.

pain makes you wise
          wisdom is a gift
                   gifts are to be treasured
                            treasures are rare
                                            and rare is rare..

sometimes your silence

kills me

and

sometimes your words

weigh me down