I sat watching
the two actors in the cold room
i was patient and calm
while they were about to
**** themselves
waiting to carry on

My instructor then said,

“I want you to ask your partner something
dark, something you would never ask them
in a million years”

the walls went quiet
and all nerves struck
like a chord
patient and calm
disappeared after he
said each of those words

One of them was shaking
while the other was grimacing
And that's when the shaking one asked,

“Have you ever thought to yourself,
maybe you'd be better off not living?”

The grimacing man,
was now blank and white
like a sheet of paper
or a snowy night

And the shaking man,
was still shaking.

If the sun fell deep below

into

the

sea

would the moon shine bright enough
to bring you back to me?

my weary eyes have noticed
more and more
each day
you don't see in color
nor black in white
just gray

if I could lend you my eyes
id rip out each one
to help you overcome
this blindness that has stayed
its welcome way too long

bone to bone
flesh to flesh
when tomorrow comes
lets lay my body to rest

if I could wrench out my heart
id do it today
so your body would subdue
everything that's taken
the life right out of you

bone to bone
flesh to flesh
when tomorrow comes
lets lay my body to rest


whatever it takes
to make you feel okay
ill be ready to leave this earth
ill be ready to wear away

as long as you're okay
as long as you're okay

A train ride from the country side
Back to the big city
Goes slowly and effortlessly
Resembling all types of beauty

As the train ticks and ticks/

I've seen the riches of families
Who are still uneasy with life
Next I will see the poor
Who are trying to hang on ever so tight

As the train ticks and ticks/

The country hills will roll gently
and the wind will blow freely
While cigarette smoke will start to cover the lonely city

As the train ticks and ticks/

I realize the sad faces I see everywhere
Shows whether rich or poor
Tick/
Each of us has endless struggles
Tick/
That no amount of money can afford to fix.

I awoke this morning without the taste of my lovers lips against mine, just the liquor from the night before and some cheep wine. I've been very forgetful this week, oh yes i have. About missed a job interview but that's nothing that really matters, maybe to you. I payed for a ******* cab that I couldn't afford/ and then listened to some ******* interview with other ******* people who weren't following their dreams/ and then I payed for sushi I couldn't afford and it was all just funny to me. So now I'm back in my apartment wondering what it takes to be. What it takes to be everything and anything. What it takes to be able to afford all the ******* that surrounds us/ then I ask myself, do I want this? What do I want. And I don't really know. All I know is a beer would really help wash down the thoughts of today as well as the sushi I just ate. So theres that.

waste of space is what they are told
little change is given with a scold
tattered clothes and a worn out face
regardless of age they all look cold
It doesn't make a difference
Some followed their dreams while others filled their veins with venom to spark the pain inside the seems  
It doesn't make a difference
We all have choices
As we choose apartments
They choose park benches
As we choose which stiped tie
They choose a free flannel from a thrift store on the SouthSide
So get in their shoes
Though they may not have any
Lay your head on a cold brick wall
And beg for a penny
Watch every face pass by like a ghost  
Like the ones that haunt you in your sleep
As your body tries to sink into the street
Just try to feel bold
And then maybe think to ask next time
What's it like out here alone in the cold?

I awoke this morning before the dawn.
You were gone.
You forgot to turn the coffee-maker on.
Ai.

r ~ 4/30/14