Just a tiny spark,
to ignite the fire
of my whole world.

I <3 makeup. I like playing around w. pinks and reds and browns. Matte lipstick and lip stains etc etc. Which is funny cause I didn't start wearing makeup until I was 20, just about a year ago. I hated the idea of it. But now I realize that I hated the idea of it because of the mental state I was in. Wearing makeup shouldn't lessen your confidence in your natural appearance. For some reason, I was afraid that I'd become more comfortable seeing myself in makeup versa ****. But that's not the case at all. One of my favorite things to do at the end of my day is to remove my makeup off my face. Warm salt water and then a mixture of honey, egg whites, organic milk thickened in the fridge & then lathered on my face for an hour and then cleansed with cold salt water. It's heaven.
Idk. I've just been laughing at how my mind worked when I was younger. I was so terrified of learning more about myself. Almost like I didn't want to get to know who I was. Almost like I didn't care. I didn't want to form my own opinions and so I clutched onto others opinions. I didn't want to accept my definition of beauty and so I devoured others guidelines. And I didn't want responsibility and so I refused all forms of commitments. What a horrible way to live. For those of you who've been wondering where I've been lately. I've been reflecting, accepting and understanding myself because I've come to understand that's the only way I'll keep existing in this world.  
Idk. I've just been laughing at how my mind worked when I was younger. I was so terrified of learning more about myself. Almost like I didn't want to get to know who I was. Almost like I didn't care. I didn't want to form my own opinions and so I clutched onto others opinions. I didn't want to accept my definition of beauty and so I devoured others guidelines. And I didn't want responsibility and so I refused all forms of commitments. What a horrible way to live. For those of you who've been wondering where I've been lately. I've been reflecting, accepting and understanding myself because I've come to understand that's the only way I'll keep existing in this world.

A white noise in your throat

The palpitations drop and boil
Your stomach inside itself.

The motors and gears in your limbs
Rust and stick like someone spat
Their chewed gum into them.

Tears freeze in their place and
The burn sets in.

Save us.

She frequently checks
Her trap lines;
Stealthily stalks.
She's an ***** grinder
Looking for a wild monkey.
She stuffs prey for mounting,
Prefers it that way -
Her animals on display.
She likes to bell collars,
Puts favourite food
Near worn, torn blankies
Where chair and whip
Tames the beast in me.

They met
When but sixteen,
She called herself
His ****** Queen,
And he her ****** King.
Thus they remained
Til seventeen,
When his lowered drawbridge
Breached the moat,
And for forty years
He paddled her boat.
But coldness grew,
The ice-palace too,
She was an Ice Queen,
His armor tarnished,
His sword was sheathed,
The Lady and her King
Severed bonds,
Relinquished rings
And set new realms and dreams.
He's a western-style S.O.,
He didn't know
Cowgirls rode backwards.
He's now a sexagenarian,
And the Ice-Palace,
A planetarium.

Do you ever have a moment
that suddenly it     SLAMS             into you
                                                             ­     you          are    alive.
And seven billion people     write the same story. You wonder,
  alone in the crowded Seattle-Tacoma airport, if someone
   will ever hold your empty heart       like the man in a gray business suit
   and the woman wearing a striped neckerchief. Will someone ever be upset your flight didn’t depart at the expected time, and give            the bouquet of rhododendrons to a stranger. Will someone               ever burst into a full sprint
upon first glance at you, deliriously happy that you are
      home.
Will someone ever    acknowledge that
  you are alive,   breathing for a change, wishing    for a slow dance,
loss of insanity. Will someone ever, in the passengers
   of the world,
                   notice you.

Dear you,
We've been in a drought for a while and my mom won't let me take long showers in the morning, which I guess is fine except that's where it's okay to cry because I miss you so much. Please call me.

Dear you,
It's been a few months and still no rain, which I don't really mind except for that you remind me of the smell of the pavement after it starts to drizzle and now you're not here and neither is that smell and I think I'm going crazy. Please pick up the phone.

Dear you,
We may still be in our drought but I swear I've cries enough to fill up our empty lake and water all the plants. I left you a voicemail but you never called back.

Dear you,
I saw your mom in the supermarket today. She pretended she didn't see me at first, but we ended up in the same aisle and she had to say hi. I wanted to ask her about you but she wouldn't stop talking about the weather. I guess it's making us all a little crazy.

Dear you,
I miss you and I wish you were here.

Dear you,
I drank enough tonight to forget you. I guess it didn't work because I'm writing your name all over my receipt at this diner and the weather channel is on and I hate you.

Dear you,
I'm tired of hearing about the drought, I know you probably are too.

Dear you,
It finally rained today but I didn't think of you when the water hit the pavement. I guess this is it then.