So I sit and stare a blank air in the sky
troubled drowsing in darkness, deafening
drowned in silence and violent volumes
lost in the nothingness of everything
but the hole in the whole of the heavens
pale and putrid, impurely white
everything I've grown to love and hate about you
squeezed into a tiny sphere in the sky.
songs and silhouettes and somber singing
ears ringing from voices long gone
As if nothing but you remained,
as if everything melts and disappears
and I'm simply lost in the unfathomable
the deepest recesses of your calming smile
maybe I was too much, perhaps I was too little
in any case I wasn't right then,
not right to fit into the pale white dot.
The one that broke the obsidian field
made from molten earth cooled
volcanic and panicked I shattered

I was supposed to be steady
solid and stoic. Just like earth

but you shook me. In waves you shook me
in waves and quakes of pale light
I tossed and turned like nightmares or spasms
formed chasms in my chest while all the rest
stayed silent in their quarters whispering
"It's going to be ok"
"It's going to be alright"
But what about me?
The earth that holds all up
the ground beneath every foot that walks
every heart that beats
every lover long lost
who will hold the ground and whisper
solemn whispers to quell the aches inside
who decides to hold me down and stop the crumble
and humble enough to kiss the soil underneath their feet
when will I ever kiss the moon
and impart in her ear every single second
seen through my eyes
stories of everyone that dies
all that rise, but maybe I wont
maybe I'll never hold the moon.
but I still hope I will.

i am so much more than they told me i was

Yes, I am.

more than the haters
more than the lovers
i am more than a queen of beauty
i am your unobtainable
i am your ruined dream
i am a deity far out of reach

and you do not deserve me

i can still see you there,
some delirious and shining thing
a beautiful ******* with your
lips puckered, your
cupids bow winking in and out of view
sweet for me, i
feel your mouth in my hair
some kind of ghost kiss
whispering something to me,
breath soft on my brow
i can't read as well as you,
darling
i can't read a thousand things and
still have room for more, my
belly distended with the words, my
heart bleeding for it
my golden swan, did i steal you?
did i break into the giant's home and whisk you away,
little bird? i
feel the sugar on your skin
steam rising from the crooks of your limbs
smiling, a gaping gorgeous maw
head pushed back, knees scraping against
the frozen wall
so pretty i might have dreamed you, maybe
is there any version of this where
i don't end up bleeding? (probably not;
but it'll be a lovely fall down)