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Vallery Feb 9
are you there God?
I have a question to ask,
a request to pray,
so please don't leave-
why don't you stay?

am I living for you
or living for me?
and if I die today
is it for you or for me?

God, if you're there
hear my plea,
listen to my cries...
all day and all night
I pray for your hand in mine
and all I can manage to hold
is a gun, a pill, a rope.

God, are you even there?
did you do this to me?
or did my sins bring me here?

and will it be the Almighty who comes to save me
or the devil who leads me to his grave.

God if you're there
please don't leave just yet!
I have one more question to pray
one last thing to say,

if I die one day, if I finally do...

is it because of me or because of you?
do my sins cast me into the casket of fire
or do you rescue me like a savior.

God, I ask one just one more thing of you -
do you miss me as much as I miss you?
have you forgotten about me too?
or was I never meant for you...
Vallery Jan 6
not only are you my favorite love,
you are also my only love;
let me explain:

the only love that I want to participate in,
the only love that I want to share,
the only love that I can see and feel
and the only love I feel no absence in when you're not there

you're the only love who has taught me how...
your love thought me how to be,
who to be,
how to love others back,
how to feel confident,
and how to stay in the present.

your love is my beating heart
and I don't want it any other way,
my only love
Vallery Dec 2024
I'm like a penny,

just a small worthless penny.

you wouldn't pick up a ***** penny off the street-

so why would you help me up off my feet?

and just like a penny-

you'll say "oh, keep it, it's just a penny,"

and you'll forget about it, you probably won't need it,

because a penny lost means nothing to you...

and just like a penny, so I must mean nothing to you.


but even the gathered pennies could amount to something.

but me?
i'm just one penny
and i can't amount to much.


I'm just one penny,

and when you see me as that little penny

and you say "oh get over it, it's not a big deal".


then you play heads or tails and life and death are at stake

and I am that penny
who is tails up and buried six feet under ground;
forgotten.
overlooked.
ignored.
worthless.
Vallery Dec 2024
Together we stand around the fire,
the warmth from the flames fuels my anger...

and that's okay,
it's cathartic.

I feed the flames to watch them grow and rise high above me.
I can feel the warmth devour my skin...

and it's okay,
it's cathartic.

and as the fire flickers and wanders,
I begin to wonder...

if all these memories really must go?
maybe I'll set them ablaze until only ash remains...

but how would He feel?

but I begin to wonder as the fire flickers and wanders...

if all this love really must go...
maybe I'll let my shattered heart melt...

but how would He feel?

and as the fire flickers and wanders,
I begin to wonder how this empty and adverse lover must burn...

as the flames flicker and glow,
inviting and enticing...

He would say no...

so into the fire I go.

as I feel the warmth on my skin,
I can begin to smile...

as I burn alone, leaving my memories and my heart break behind...

the flames begin to die, and my life is reduced to ashes...

it is cathartic.

but not for Him.
who is He?
Vallery Aug 2024
take my hand in yours,
let's travel the universe
together as one.

come, let's fly away
to a place where we can be
together as one.

wherever you are
and wherever you will go-
we are forever.
Vallery Aug 2024
The sun rises,
my body wakes;  
my mind follows slowly behind,  
dreading the day that is mine.
I get out of bed
with last night’s nightmares still in my head.  

This is how I start my day—  
covered in shame and sin,  
I only feel emptiness and pain.  

My nightmares never fade,  
constantly replaying,  
reminding me that death is slowly creeping in.

There’s only one way to free my mind,  
even if it hurts those I leave behind...

But I don’t want to leave you alone,  
so I’ll leave you with my heart.  
You're the only one who appreciated its art.  
seeing it for who it was and still loving it wholly.

I wish I could rid myself of these living nightmares  
without bullets, pills, or ropes.  
But the nightmares crave pain and loss;  
they do not thrive on love or hope.

When the sun sets behind the hills  
and I breathe my last breath,  
when Death knocks at my door, beckoning me home,  
I’ll follow close behind,  
my empty chest lacking the ticking time bomb  
that once kept us close.
Vallery Jul 2024
Fine,
I'm fine,
everything is fine.

Even though my world begins to crumble and fall
and even though my heart shatters and breaks...
All while my whole being becomes smaller-

I am fine,
I'm perfectly fine.

Even though my once flickering flame has dimmed
and even though my heart slowly begins to stop...
All while my whole being begins the fatal decline-

I promise I am fine.

Even though my flowers have died
and my heart has finally stopped beating...
I promise I am not lying

when I tell you I am

*******

fine.


And even as I dangle my legs over the edge,
and even as the pills rattle in their bottle...
As I hold the gun to my head -

I

am

perfectly

*******

finefinefinefinefinefine.


I am fine.
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