love is not a safe word
it’s one haiku revised 400 times
on cracked leather chairs in the corner of cafés

some of us love badly
she says as she kisses the rim of her glass.
some of us love stretched out
like pizza dough that rips when our rolling pin rolls it too thin.

some of us love in secrecy
we do not trust your hands.
you try to pull our scalp off and draw your portrait on our mind

some of us love clean
like bubble bath that smells like lavender from some fancy store in the mall
some of us love *****
we cant clean you off our skin

some of us kiss with our teeth
some of us braid our lovers into our hair
and when we remove the hair tie
it is crimped and messy and tangled

some of us love love
but only far from home
when we slip into bed we start thinking
and we can’t stay still

some of us wash our clothes even when they don’t smell
or aren’t stained
just because it feels like you are inside of our shirts and pants and sneakers

some of us walk alone past your house
on the way to ours
and stop at the front step
waiting for you to come out
and smile at us
the only thing we wait for today
are the smudged signatures of snails
scrawled across your pavement

some of us love to the bone
until there are no more “ifs”
just “is” and “are”
the collected poems of our fingers
swollen, bruised, red like a bouquet of roses

some of us love
and we regret it
we never get home in time for dinner because of it, we leak like a faulty faucet, we sleep with our pillows over our heads to keep everything in
but some of us love
some of us own a watch and know the time with a glance at our wrist, some of us own a sponge to soak up the water, some of us own satin pillows that feel like whispers on our cheekbones

The front man does the singing
The drummer provides the beat
Then there is the lead guitarist
Still the band is incomplete.
There is a certain member
Who we often underrate
He's there in the background
The one who plays the bass
Sometimes he goes unnoticed
By the audience and the crowds
And can easily be forgotten
As the rest all play out loud
But he holds the band together
The band should all be proud.
If it wasn't for the bass player
They would be gone like a passing cloud.

I wish the sky wasn't blue
And the water below so pure

I wish the mountains weren't so rough
And the weather so fine

I wish the wind were silent
And the traffic not this fast

I wish the sun didn't shine
And happiness ever last

I wish tomorrow weren't just another day
And I wouldn't cry

I wish I didn't love you this bad
I wish I could let go

I wish I could help staring at the sky above
I wish I could lie

I wish these stars weren't real
I wish we could hide

I wish the truth wasn't the truth
I wish I could fly

Away

Away from my self
Away from you

time I missed a lecture
because I was too sad to breathe

duvet-weight pinned me to the mattress
and dread washed over my head

blurred bodies, blurred faces, blurred lines
careering wildly from floor to seat to bar.
Can't we just sit quietly -
minding nobody's business but our own -
talking soft
and long -
not caring what goes on out there?

but of course, there are conversations to be had:
"how's you?"
"how's work?"
"how's your dad?"
and specific moves to perform.
It's tightly choreographed - yet we pretend it's teenage chaos.

and in the perfectly controlled mayhem,
I lose sight of you,
but I can't shake your presence:
I can feel you, but I dare not look to confirm.
So I slip into the bodies, the faces, the blur,
and try and lose myself out here.

bláthanna ghorma,
spéir dearg,
anam corcra.

I was 6 years old and my mother
said I had words in my mouth
that came from an old woman's tongue.
Words and letters came to me
before I knew how to
open my unripe jaw

I was 8 years old and my teacher
told me to speak more
that the words I had on paper
were too grand to be ignored.
- but I was too silent and too afraid
of all the mouths that would open
before I could whisper "Just wait."

I was 11 years old and my brain
spoke so loud it was screaming
at my tongue to move
but before I formed a syllable
but before my jaw opened
my raised hand was ignored.

I am 18 now and my heart
finds comfort in the secret familiarity
of bleeding what my brain cannot
release onto pages and pages
of blood
of sweat
of tears
of poems that mark the place of a girl
well beyond her years.

In an ideal
position
I'd spend more
Time
Talking to
Strangers

I'd agree
That saying
"Hell"
Is easier
Than  
"Hello"

I'd accept
My indecisive
Nature
And Balance
It all
Out
Eliminate
Self doubt

I'd know
That sometimes
Shot gun weddings
Are okay
I'd runaway
I'd leave
I'd stay

I'd finally
Consider
The prize
Of my own
Perspective
With the limited
Connections
Even keeping
Me going

I'd sit up
Lay down
Walk around
Give enough
Of a ****
I would never
Think to
Quit

I'd make everyone
Happy
Even myself
But instead
...

Hell