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this poem
is not about you

even though
your spirit is in every word
your voice sounds strong
in the halls of my mind
telling me things
I am now sure
I want to know

this poem is
about me

trying to understand
you
  May 2016 'thoughtOutLoud
Brianna
He told me once he would name our daughter after the places we had been or flowers he picked for me.

He said he would name her Carolina, not Caroline, and he would remember those humid summer nights we spent watching the sunset.

He said he'd name her Daisy, because he knew my favorite was flowers and he would buy her anything she desired to make her as happy as me.

He told me this once, a long time ago, back when we were young and before we really thought about life. Back before I knew what I wanted and *** to react when he said he wanted kids.

I told him I hoped our son has his green eyes and his sandy blonde, but turning darker each year, hair.

I told him I hoped our son had his spark and his sarcastic smile so I could always remember he had the good pieces of his father, the parts I laughed about.

I told him that before things changed, before we both spun out of control and closer to the flames.

Now we sit on opposite sides of the country and we talk to different people about kids and love. And we wonder, where things could have been if we hadn't become so lost in ourselves  for once.
  May 2016 'thoughtOutLoud
gray rain
I'm loosing blood
to this machine
it's ripping me apart
soon I'll be empty
It drains me dry
and I've lost my mind
It drains me dry
'til there's nothing inside
Not the best
but it's 7am
  May 2016 'thoughtOutLoud
gray rain
Where are the clouds?
I want them back
the sun is shining
but I want the clouds to attack
  May 2016 'thoughtOutLoud
Lost Poet
The hardest part,
Is that everyday I am reminded,
Of everything I threw away.
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