It's late at night
I'm in bed

I hear sounds that aren't there
I see shadows shifting around

Then there they are
The demons in my head

They force me to get up
And make my way to my desk

They tell me to grab my blade
And bring it my wrist

'One cut' they say
'And the pain will be gone'

And I give in
As I bring the blade to my wrist

And I  realise they were right
One cut and no more pain.

And suddenly my world is shaking 
My head is spinning
Im sitting still, frozen with fear
Glass shattering
The walls are swaying
My phone rings but I can't speak right now
Please stop
I'm here alone
Will it come tumbling down on me?
I don't want to go like this
Surprisingly I decide to pray
Lord please protect and forgive me
It doesn't stop
My hands are shaking
How pathetic, how insignificant
I won't allow a tear
I'm strong in my weakness
I don't have these fears
So small in this universe, a mere spec
Powerless...

21.8.18
sa

What is it like
To have a heart
With no feelings

What is it like
To have a mind
That controls you

What is it like
To have a mouth
That won't work when you need it to

What is it like
To have hands
That make you choke yourself

What is it like
To be normal?

You told me today,
That you wanted to die.
I could tell in your voice,
That it wasn’t a lie.

I never noticed till now,
Of how you fidgeted more.
I never noticed till now,
Of the sweaters you now wore.

But I did noticed now,
How your skin seemed pailer,
How your eyes darker.
Have you been eating?
Have you even been sleeping?

But when you told me,
I finally saw.
The darkness that surrounds you.
When did you start to fall?

Why didn’t I noticed,
That your smile missed your eyes.
Why didn’t I noticed,
That your voice told such lies.

If I had noticed sooner,
Would this had ever happened.
If I had noticed sooner,
Would you had never saddened.

I screamed for you,
Wanting it to not be true,
I cried for you,
Though I didn’t have a clue.

I waited for you,
For you to react,
But the mirror stayed still,
My image intact.

I cant cope
Ive lost all hope
I feel like a dope
You will say nope
But all i can see is the rope

There are scars on my
Body that I will never
Know where they came from.

There are tearstains on
My pillow I don’t even
Notice anymore.

I’m told I need help
But I don’t even realize
That I am broken.