it happens quicker than you think
one day you're floating above the world in a euphoric cloud
and then you realize that your friends have all gone out without you
multiple times
and you're torn between wanting to acknowledge it and make them feel bad for leaving you out
and
wanting to leave them all behind and isolate yourself more

"how dare you talk to me," you want to scream at them when they approach you the next day
but the words die in your mouth and you're left blankly staring at them, a fake smile ready to curl your mouth

so what if you shed a few tears,
it's not like they cared anyway

Her tender heart is the goal;
The body's but a vessel.
I am in love with her soul,
And not only with her shell.

There is a civil war going on inside.
It seems to be painfully infinite.
It is full of self-hatred, loathing.
It is confusing, chaotic.
You want to cry, you cannot.
It is out of control.
It makes you angry.
What can you do,
but nothing?
*******.
Why?