but I was the poetry
that you kept hidden;
whilst she was the song
you proudly sang out in the open.

Its ten
should I sleep
I can hear you
I can't see you

I know you're around
never close enough

I want to be everyone's favorite
I want all the attention
    My heart begs to be loved

I'll always be little
I'll never be enough
to fill your expectations up

Good evening
I wish I had some meaning

I try to change the night before
waking up to restart

the moon keeps changing
she never waits for me

sometimes the walls
peel down    
in tears and metal
as the floodgates
               open wide
as the soul is bared,
raw,
              exposed
softly humming
its release of pride
heartbeats strong
head up high
queenly stance
bearing storms
ready for the battle
taking form
yet holding on tight
to solace's reins
praying to heaven
for grace in the strain
for soon the cry
                  to action
will fall upon this
           tender land
all that exists
washed away in
        a whirlwind
of sand    
in the distance
a lightflare
a whipping up of womb
a time for victory's place
in this tempest monsoon
and within my skin
in the flight of
               my freeze  
my pain opens up
and allows
me
          to
               breathe

"But what if we're wrong?"
It was silent
But her thoughts echoed around in my head as we laid on top of her pickup truck
I swatted at the eighteenth mosquito chewing on my leg
I don't want this to be love

We were tangled up in the acoustic music they play on the radio on Sunday mornings
She was trying to dream up something clever to write about
And I was pretending I could learn to play guitar through osmosis,
As if blending myself in with the harmonies, finding her in every lyric, and sheer willpower would give me wings or at least magic guitar hands

She set the alarm, checked it over and over
She was not going to be late for her first day
I told her I'd be asleep when she got home, she told me she knew
I told her to wake me up

I wasn't looking for perfect
Perfect really only applies in first year physics courses
After that, we learn to fall in love with "rough around the edges" or "unique" or "unfinished"
As if their life is a puzzle that we need to complete
Just so you know, it isn't

She bought me breakfast and dropped me off
She used to tell me she loved me, but I know she didn't
She does now, so she doesn't have to say it anymore
When I said, "love," before, I didn't really mean it
Not like I mean loving the garden on the balcony of her apartment or thunderstorms in May
Even if I was a puzzle that she completed (and I'm not saying that I am), we didn't need any glue to fit perfectly

it is a long road,
you must be bold
ive been told
but nights are cold
and im loosing my hold

ive been before
many times
what wonderful place
the other side

every visit
adds a digit
another mile
without a smile

id like to reside
but terrified
if even to make it back
to the other side

Have you ever wonder,
What would it be like to put a knife atop of your wrist,
Run it back and forth,
As it slice through your skin.

Then the blood oozes out,
Staining the once white floor,
Will you be hissing in pain,
Or will you be crying out in relief instead.

Have you ever wonder,
What what would it be like to have your body numb and cold,
As you lay on the cold hard floor,
Waiting for darkness to swallow you whole.

Then you set your eyes on the countless photos on the wall,
Recalling each and memory back,
As you let more air to leave your lung,
Before it then came down to your one last breath.

So you whisper your goodbye to the tightly shut door,
The deafening silence,
Before you forced out one last smile,
And let everything go.