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LonerInTheCrowd Dec 2020
I love you
Yet I don’t

Do I love you
Or the idea of loving you?

We broke up
And I have yet moved on

We stopped talking
Yet I can’t stop thinking
Of you

We stopped texting
Yet I’m still stalking
Your social media

So tell me
Do I miss you
Or the idea of missing you
LonerInTheCrowd Apr 2020
why are you having anxiety? aren't you contented with your life? i mean, you're doing well financially, academically and nearly all other aspects in life. i just couldn't get it, why are you still having anxiety?

I'm doing well. better than some, quite like most and closely behind a few. but still, I'm having these anxieties.

because I'm raised to be better than everyone else, or to be at least at par, but never worse. if everyone is taking two steps forward, i should only be taking either two or three steps forward, but never one. because I'm not raised to be left behind.

i am raised with expectations, a whole lot of them. i am expected to be better. i am expected to be the best, one that they could boast to their friends about. i am expected to not be a failure, a defect.

i am expected to reach their expectations. this specific results in exam, this specific univ to attend and this specific career to choose.

so tell me, how could i live without these **** anxieties, when i have so much expectations on my back alone ?
LonerInTheCrowd Jan 2020
I could scream my lungs out
But she won't get me
I could cry my tears out
But still ... She won't get me
I could
I could
Yes ... I could
But I won't.
What's the use?
She won't get me anyway.
Just jow I've been feeling about my mom.  It's like we're so detached yet attached all at the same time. Sometimes i just feels like she won't understand me as much as i wish she would.
LonerInTheCrowd May 2019
a failure
that's what seeing you today felt like
seems like she can makes you laugh more
smile a little brighter
and speak a little louder

maybe it's better
that we're no longer together
because you seems just fine
better even
without me

oh
just how much we differ
for I'm no better
worse even
without you
Have you ever looked at your "used to be" and felt the same way ? Or am i the only one ?
LonerInTheCrowd Nov 2018
Because lying is what I do the best,
So I say "I don't love you",
Those words that I said,
Then becomes my home,
One that I lives in,
One that I cannot get out of,
For it is secured with a lock,
One which the key I have long lost.

Because lying was what I do the best,
Now I am sitting in this home,
One which I built myself,
Feeling trapped and suffocated,
Being angry and depressed,
But this is the fate that I have to accept,
Because lying is what I do the best.
The words that you said will then becomes the house that you lived in.
So be careful .. For it may bring you happiness or regrets.
Always choose your words wisely
LonerInTheCrowd Sep 2018
Take me back in time,
When you're still mine,
For I miss your warmth,
When I was in your embrace.

Take me back in time,
When we're both standing in the rain,
Eyes mirroring each other,
Let me say I love you again.

Take me back in time,
When we're both holding hands,
For I miss the way you would rub the back of my palm,
Assuring me that everything is fine.

Take me back in time,
When I still had my mind with me,
Swear to god I'd never leave,
Unless I'm taking you with me.
When regrets came and all i wished is to be taken back to the time when it was "us" instead of "you and I"
LonerInTheCrowd Sep 2018
It's weird,
How every song,
Of every genre,
Reminded me of you,
Of us.

Dear ex,
Do you remember?
How happy,
Or how reckless we used to be,
Running across even when the light is red.

Or do you remember?
How sad,
Our break up used to be,
When the light is green and I crossed ahead,
Leaving you alone on the other side of the road.

Now years had passed,
And I've got someone else for me instead,
She's lying on your side of the bed,
But it's still your warmth,
That I yearn for on every rainy night.
Moving on because I've got me someone else, yet you're still lingering in my mind. Moving on, because my memory still take me to that day when I left you alone sometimes. Moving on, because I still hope to see you sleeping on your side of the bed. Moving on, because I have yet moved on.
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