when you walked by,
everything around me withered away.
always upon you was my mind’s eye
and so it was, every single day.
in the morning i woke up looking forward to you
and every night i fell asleep thinking of your eyes on mine
who knew if you liked me too?
regardless, the taste of love was upon me like fine wine.
i couldn’t hear the wind rushing around me as i fell
but in the moment, the feeling was enough to make my heart swell.

today i wrapped a present
and no matter how much i tried to hold it together, it kept falling apart
outside, the moon was a crescent
and the tiny sliver of light seemed just like my heart.
not enough light to illuminate the sky
but enough to know it was there
my eyes welled up with tears but i didn’t, no, couldn’t cry
it was almost like my feelings toward you had stripped me bare
when i was falling, this was the opposite of what I’d felt
and now that i’ve crashed to the ground, i can only remember when you would make my heart melt.

falling in love is as beautiful as falling apart
i prefer the latter in a way
i'm used to holding myself in my own hands, it’s an art
i’ll always be there for myself, but i won’t beg you to stay
you were my sun, but for what?
there is an entire universe full of stars and yet i gave up my soul to fall for this one.
falling for you was an experience out of my life I’d never cut,
but falling for myself was a victory for humanity won.

so, catch me when i fall
and let’s see if your name my heart will call.

i'm not afraid of dying
i'm lying when i say
i don't want to die
after all, but
life is just a cycle
they say
we are born to die

really, i am afraid
of existence
i look forward to the end
i'd never say
death scares me

i. expect the unexpected. you were unexpected, that’s for sure, but the most unexpected was my falling for you. not my type, not safe, nothing, but it was you i fell for. know that falling doesn’t hurt, don’t keep yourself locked inside yourself for so long. falling is blissful, even if you don’t end in his arms.

ii. it will be beautiful. let yourself be lured in. bloom alongside him and do not be scared. the stars are watching over you, you will be fine.

iii.  even if you think you are ugly, you are beautiful. inside you is pure love, even if you don’t use it for yourself, remember that it’s there, because that is the most beautiful thing of all.

iv. you love him but let him go. you love him but he doesn’t love you. you love him and even if he says he doesn’t want to hurt you it will hurt. it hurts so much but it makes you stronger. true, i led you to this fate, but trust me. your light glows warmer after it has been extinguished.

i. a summer day, sticky hot, i can feel the sweat running down my back. the sun shines without mercy. an ice cream cone sits in my hand as i wonder who will come to end my bitter loneliness.

ii. the boy reeks of summer, his smile radiating from his mouth just as the sun radiates heat. he doesn’t eat ice cream, he says, something about being lactose intolerant? i can’t focus on anything but his sparkling hazel eyes.

iii.  it’s still warm but not uncomfortably so. we’re seated on the green grass. it’s evening and the sun has begin to sink beneath the horizon. purple and rose hues take over the blue of the sky as we watch in awe. i don’t know what happens but suddenly our eyes are off the sky and on each other. his lips taste like a cherry popsicle.

iv. we have late nights every day watching the stars. each star makes me wonder, in a world as fantastically cosmic as ours, how did i have the fortune to meet you? i wonder if you are thinking the same thing. every day the same thing happens and every day i don’t know what led to it but now our eyes and sticky hands and sweet lips are on each other and now it is the stars’ turn to watch us.

v. he loves ice cream but it isn’t good for him.

vi. every time i eat a cherry popsicle i think of the boy with the hazel eyes.

everything is temporary, so enjoy it while you can.
2. life is too short to spend it worried and anticipating the right moment. you won’t always have time in life to make the right choice and that’s always okay.
3. your body is beautiful the way it is.
4. no one cares how big the fish is until it’s out of the water.
5. feelings hurt so so much but they also feel so so good and they make life worth living, although they often do the opposite.
6. i learned how to ask for help and it was the best thing i’ve ever done.
7. but i still never learned how to say no.
8. if i was given the chance i don’t know what i would have done.
9. your friends aren’t worth your life but they are worthy of your heart.
10. everything is difficult, but nothing is impossible.
11. doing half of your work is better than doing none at all.
12. falling is the most blissful thing in life.
13. the thing that frightens me the most is death, the fact that i will cease to exist, the fact that i will never see any loved ones or anyone again, the fact that i know nothing about it.
14. in a world of temporary things the only permanent things come from your heart and mind. ideas are more valuable than things.
15. loving yourself makes the world seem impossibly big and beautiful and makes life easier to live.

i intended to face you coldly
but upon seeing you, my heart forgot this
and went to be with you

-- bilet-doux

an autumn evening
warmth as the sunlight filters through my window
perfectly white daisies make a flowery scent
a burning candle, the smell of flames
on paper i write to you

"my love
i am surrounded by scents but none of them smell quite like you
i am surrounded by warmth but it is nothing like the warmth of your body on mine
no matter the situation, you are always the first thing that comes to mind
i miss you"
busily, the pen scratches, coming to a halt

i think

how do i tell my love that the longing heartache that i feel in his absence is nothing / compared to the heartache i feel when he comes / only to leave
how do i tell my love i do not want him to come back unless it is forever
how do i tell my love that he causes me so much pain ;
giving me only a glimpse / when i deserve a lifetime

i think

the pen doesn't touch the paper
i fold and seal the letter
how do i tell my love

bilet-doux --