Cataracts.
What blinds you?

What blinds me?
Society.

Chipped and chiseled
By judgement
By opinion
By jealousy
By hate

Who am I?
I am broken
I am lost
I was stolen
I am gone

What is left?
A shell
Empty and loud
Filled with confusion
depression now

Think positive
Don't listen
Ignore

No.

Become society
Change it
Stop it
Enough
Love

The coldness of morning
penetrates in proportion
to the lonely nights before
and the winds that blow
in from the north
like sadness wrapped
all around me
a coat without pockets
no warmth for my hands
that once held yours
like ashes without fire
and there is ice on my lashes
that burns like the last words
I heard you say to my back
as I walked away out the door.

Imagination change
It can never be as strange as this
Lockdown in the attic
The basement
Even the echoes of the shadows
Show face

I've given up on you
I've forgotten how to italicize
I hope I got it right
I hope

I hope

(By the way, not a part of the poem,
Unless it is,
You decide,
You make bad decisions)

Now these ghost
Are living
Creature of doubt
In my living room
Show teeth

Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
Eat
And never be satisfied

This backlit screen
Becomes host to my worst fear
I've given up on you
When you, gave up on me

There are deeper darks in the night
Most never see

Flicking through old photos
Since forever stashed under my bed
Mum points at one of me
Little, laughing
And my brothers
In colourful winter hats,
Climbing white trees,
A one of a kind cold day
The brown leaves sing
"Weren't you so cute?"
To think Christmas is wasted on me now
And I lie lamenting the happiness of someone long past
My throat hurts at the effort of not just bursting out
Crying
Like a baby as I lose control
In front of my own mother
That wasn't me on that fence
The little face swinging upside-down
That was someone pure
Locked inside me
That was light on a piece of card
I don't feel
Like a person
Anymore
I'm a mish-mash
Of random
Things
I am a split second
That's almost gone
I am traits, emotions, chemicals, hormones, electricity, fear, love, friendships
Fading into a maelstrom of humanness
Mounds of recycled carbon
Made-up meaning
Lost in fog
Where I begin and end fades
Into everything and nothing
I'm the dirt in the ground
The stars in the sky
Something words can't describe

"I believe in you." Words that water flowers.  
-Faudet, M.


I'm not saying
that it will unwilt all the sadness away
That by just saying those words
would magically lift a person to bloom exceedingly
I'm saying
it might at least not **** the very tiny, little hope,
motivation,
reason to live
she has in her heart
I'm saying
at least she won't die

And some day,
when the sun seems a lot brighter
She is gonna thank you for that

-A wilting flower

Safety in bones
splintery and barbed,
cutting away the fear of flesh
as Persephone sleeps eternally.

Knees ache and bruise during restless slumber,
one on top of the other,
from running this eternal marathon
of illusive perfection.

Recklessly chasing rainbows
conceived out of the
blind imagination of the masses.
Hunger pains mistaken for redemption,
skeletons misconstrued as a life
well lived.

Freedom and courage are found
in deadly comments from innocent mouths:
“Are you eating enough?”
“You are so skinny!”
“Are you sick?”

Yes.

I am sick.

A slow, tedious sickness of my soul.
Not wanting to live with the flesh
of my past,
not knowing how to maneuver the
burdensome flesh
of my present,
while obsessively worrying over the flesh
of my future.

As I slowly **** the only self I know,
(or don’t know),
and replace her with a mask of self possession,
I unearth an exquisite relief from the dread of
never being loved because I am
too much.

In my twisted perception,
that is true death.
This is only dying….

Inside my brain lives a lush, multi-colored
garden full of blossoming word play
and ancient discoveries.
As Venus magically touches my lips,
mind and heart, I am reborn.
She is the fiery spark that
ignites all the fireflies slumbering in my imagination,
gleefully waiting for my siren’s call.
When I’m in tune with creation it’s like
riding a wave made of all that is truly me,
and I meet myself over and over again
capturing with words the reality of my existence.
But, when I am disconnected, scrambled, fuzzy, blank, numb….
it’s the worse abandonment I’ve ever endured.