I used to think I was messy broken

Let me explain

Like a stray rock,
chipped from a bat in some sandy back lot
Through a window
Now shattered

Through. Done. Finished.

My splintered little pieces scattered to the winds
And me, running after those small bits
Like they were loose handouts in a windy parking lot
Scrambling to catch hold of
My life
My dignity
My sanity
My love

But

The only way to amend
Is complete replacement

For I am now irreparable

Break. Break cruel sea waves
'Cross my brow and back: ceaseless
I hold hope for air

I dream
Of you and your failed attempts to reach me
And I relish
At the thought that in my righteous anger

I
could make
you love me
again.

I awake
Saddened by the reality of a world absent you
And dreams slipping swift through my fingers
As sand

For one day
When I have more creases from too many smiles and frowns
I’ll think of you
And I’ll weep
Because I’ll remember how much this version of myself

Craved
and ached
for your touch.

But for now

To sleep

and

To memories.

A nail through the skull
Repeatedly pulsing, hot:
A migraine headache

The mist filled gaps
Of my mind
Leave small open doors
To
Leave
Through
Count down slowly
      And slip
              Away

Grit down deep, the final dregs
Looks like I've lost sleep again
Burning fumes, and barking dogs
With hopeless reminiscing

Home is where my pillow is
And not where I can find a friend
So why spend time still wondering
If luck had never left me

The necessity
Of filthy lucre: money
Oils the world's hinges