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thanks to him
I'll never make the first move

thanks to him
I'll always let you love me a little more than I love you

thanks to him
I'll never really tell you what's on my mind

thanks to him
I'll forget the bitter truth & tell you all the pretty lies

thanks to him
I'll make sure to be the first to apologize after you hurt me

thanks to him
I'll agree with you when you tell me im worth nothing

thanks to him
I'll always agree with everything you say

thanks to him
I'll always let you have your way

thanks to him
I'll never really be okay
// let's play the blame game tonight, shall we? //
My heart is full of emptiness

My brain is full of mindless thoughts

My lungs are full of words and verses

And memories my past forgot.
// the memories that **** me
Help  me breathe. //
ten** was the number of minutes you were on stage the day i first saw you & realized I'd be missing out on life if i never got a chance to know the mind behind the words you spoke

nine was the number of times i lied to my friends telling them i wasn't falling for you when every inch of me craved you in a way i never had craved anyone or anything before

eight was the number of times i almost told you i loved you that night when we spoke about life & how easy it was to lose your way while growing up, but i held my tongue thinking you would never feel the same way

seven was the number of times i saw you at school & so badly wanted to reach out and hold your hand, when i knew i couldn't

six was the class we hid in the first time you kissed me & it was as if my whole world had changed in the blink of an eye. the rebirth of love, hope & purpose in my life.

five was the time early morning when i finally collapsed after talking to you on the phone since the night before despite having school the next day

four was the date when you came so close to getting suspended from school because you just had to come see me for a couple of minutes. willing to risk anything for that time together.

three was the number of times you stayed up all night while i cried, reassuring me until I was all out of tears & fears.

two is the number of people who understand how difficult it is for us not to see each other every single day. me & you. no one else will ever be able to comprehend what it is like to live without you.

one is the number of people who my heart belongs to. just one. you. eternally.

zero is the number of times I've regretted falling hard & fast for you.
// what's hurting you, i feel it too. i mean it when i say when you cry, i cry with you //
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