My soul was ****** some time ago
But she brought it out of hell
The way her eyes looked into mine
Gave me new hope in the world and in life
Her fingers fit between mine like keys
Opening doors in myself I've never seen before
And when her lips touched mine
I found nirvana

Burning passion, gentle movements, and unwavering precision
Are only three sets of words that describe her
She moved en pointe with her ink-dipped shoes and wrote herself down on the pages of my existence
Delicate cursive appeared across the blank, unlined leaves
Creating soothing poetry amidst all the chaotic rants in the pages before
I watched as each step, throw, and turn add new words to the narrative
The spotlight followed her every movement as she floated across the stage
Jotting down line after line of her calming words

The lights faded after she ended the fourth stanza
And she was greeted with thunderous applause by the voices in my head
I could see her silhouette dance slowly on the unlit stage
She spun for what seemed like hours before the lights came back on

There she stood

The once pure and clean ballerina in white was drenched in blood and ink
She moved aggressively and without remorse painting rough lines on the soft syllables she'd written for me
Her eyes glowed with unholy strength as she knelt upon my pages
And ripped them from one corner to the other, tearing the book's spine
All I  could do was stare at her as she smiled at her work
And silently exit stage left

I used to feel fireworks fly and go off in my head,
My eyes used to light up like supernovas,
And my heart used to jump out of my chest like a frog in hot water

The feelings I had for you once brought cheer
And let the angels come down from heaven
To combat the demons that held me to the ground
And prevented me from ascending towards God's light
Alas, those days are gone like leaves in the wind

I am greeted by a dark, starless nighttime sky
(A sky which used to burst into color)
I drown in the somberness of it all
And let it embrace me in all its tenebrous beauty

Without love there are no fireworks in my head,
The stars in my eyes begin to dim and fade,
And my heart does not beat
I wish that my feelings for you could once again open the clouds
And show me the angels who freed me from *******,
But those feelings are gone and those days have passed

Happiness like this is irrational
It is a happiness I do not enjoy
Because it ends up dissipating
One way or another

Dopamine and adrenaline
Run through my body
I feel like I'm alive again
Like hundreds of horses gallop in my veins
And thousands of butterflies fill my stomach

Then you disappear
Leaving me with nothing
But the air you had breathed
And the feeling fades
And it fades
And it fades
And it fades

What do I miss?
Empathy
Innocence
Happiness
And having no social anxiety

I miss caring, warmth, security
Along with hopes and dreams
I miss my positive thoughts
I miss silence in my head

I miss her and her and her
And all of their voices
And their eyes
And their soft words
And how they said my name

I miss being young
Stupid
Unafraid
*Alive