Enamored
*
I want to live life happy; I want to live a happy life
I don’t want to die, or commit suicide
Though the thoughts may come, I will not succumb
Because I love life, and I love my life
A coward I am not
Listen how hard my heart pumps,
My blood
Filling up my throat, full of love
I am enamored, of all beautiful things known to all
Of earth and water, wind and fire
Of two blue skies,
One that lets us in,
The other that lets us fly
Day or night, bright or not,
My heart pumps furiously to the melody of life,
One so happy that I have
(I love this life, and would not change it,
Only for my wife)

A body was found in my home town.
They are calling homicide.
People I know are scared,
More than that,
They are paralyzed.
Worried that it could be them,
Danger lurking around every corner.

We lost three highschool students earlier this year.
It feels like life times ago.
I watched a whole city mourn together.
Even the streets seemed to weep.
And street lamps gave hugs.
I was sick from all the crying,
Sick from watching people break down.
Sick of the sadness that hung around.

I haven’t seen my own city streets in two weeks.
I don’t think I’d recognize them if I did.
They are shuddering in shadows,
Anxious for salvation.
But here I sit,
Wondering the age and race of the victim.
Desensitized to the reality of it all.

When three of my peers died this year I did not mourn them rationally.
I wondered what their corpses looked like.
If they had become gaunt with rigor mortis,
Or if they were still soft and supple as they had been all the times they did not acknowledge me.

I am sitting miles away from everything I grew up tracing in my mind,
Wondering how a nameless corpse looks on a cold metal slab.
Laughing at the people chasing ghosts over their shoulders.

Small towns are too easily rocked by tragedy.
I think I could knock mine over with a pinky finger.
This year has proved to me that the good die young,
And the young die loved.
I wonder who loved the man they found in the park.
Will he be just another ghost to haunt these grounds?

If I were to die right now,
They would find my body stiff in the morning.
I would be all rigor mortis,
Less soft girl next door.
I wonder who would have loved me.
Am I bound to just be another ghost haunting this town?

Hallucinating for a cause.
Seeing how I act unconscious.

Mom I swear to god I'm fine!
This is research.  
I'm closet to god when I sleep. I thought you  wanted that?

My studies show that I can't throw a ******* punch when under attack.

My knees lock up at the exact moment it's time to run.

My screams can't leave my teeth.  

I watch this wide awake while sleeping.

I can't find god anywhere,
I believe in him
He doesn't believe in me.

When I dream
I don't just dream.

As I sit for nothing,
anger got quite tempting.
But my eyes caught truth,
she served as a living proof.

Customers are always right,
but don't employees have a right?
I am not observant,
i'm just caring for the servant.

She seems nice,
but i can also see her sacrifice.
It's hard to stop tears,
also when you're overcoming your fears.

I cant be angry,
while some people wait impatiently.
Employees are still people,
Dont forget, the world is round like a ball.

i wish i didn't have
a death wish
on my sleeve
where my heart should be
instead
but im afraid my heart
is hollow
or dead

i wish i didn't have scars
that are meant to be
my veins
but im afraid my bruises
are marks of acid rains

i wish my body loved me
where my ribs
are meant to hug
my chest
but im afraid my lungs
don't do breathing when i request

i wish i didn't keep
my brain with
all these thoughts
i wish it would be empty
instead
but im afraid
it's too loud
and often contemplating
dread

I can't tell you how much I miss you.

I haven't heard your voice, or seen your face in months.
We went from talking everyday, to getting letters every few days.
I'm sitting next to the mailbox, waiting on a letter from you.
Your letters are so short but hold so much meaning.
You are my best friend.
I wish you were here with me.
Please come back to me soon.

                                                                              Miss you a lot,
                                                                                      Jacob