We're blasting tunes
From your car radio
Though this night surely
Will end in misery
I'm happy in the moment
With all of my friends

I got a new sweater today
Men's section
Of a cheap department store
It's too big on me
Fits like drapery
Concealing my form
That's the only thing I want to do anymore

I don't fit in clothes
Like I don't fit with girls
Too big, too bustless
Their sweaters hug my body
In all the wrong places

But I'm too small for boys
Too young
Too restless
With messy girly hair
And a slim doe's neck
I am not enough for them
I cannot fill their shoes

So I bury myself
In a baggy sweater
Drowning myself
In insecurities
Hoping no one will look closer
Find out what's beneath these clothes
Beneath this skin
Beneath "me"

I feel like a failure
Because I don't know what to do
Some stories are self deprecating
Most of them, actually
So will you laugh
Or am I just embarrassing

Is my stupid hair
A sign of independence
Or just something else
That makes me different
Am I everything you want
Or everything you dread

Am I a trainwreck
Already in full force
Careening off the tracks
Surrounded by bystanders
I guess it'd be funny
If I wasn't me

I'm okay with being the mess
Playing the disaster
I'm outside of myself
So it doesn't matter
If I play the fool
I'm laughing too

Mix lavender in
With my ashes
So the ghosts can't take me away
I know it's cold
And you want to go home
But I really wish you would stay

I miss the thought
Of having someone by my side
At least with him
I could hold a fantasy close
A world in which we loved truly
Unconditionally
Without physical limits

Now there is only cold
And the linger scent
Of sweat
Staining my bed
I want a friend
To come and help me
Rinse it all away
Not to fix me
Or make me whole
But to help me find myself
To love myself
While they fall in love
With them

wow i haven’t been on this site in 5ever but i’m reading my old poems and why was so emo man like i’m pretty sure my life wasn’t even this bad what.