El Mirador

The Sikh man on the the rooftop balcony,
tells me if I have any problems in this city,
to come and see him,
and he will deal with it,

he’s serious,
and he’s loving,
and his black eyes reflect,
against the black streeted city,
in a way that leaves no doubt,
upon my incensed mind,

we are in,
a Belizean town,
on the Guatemala border,
it’s late the moon is there,
as She always is such a trusted companion,

the balcony smells,
of humid resentment,
there is a sleepy nostalgia,
blowing through the air,

everything looks misty,

tomorrow I depart for Flores,
then to El Mirador,
the largest pyramid in the world,
waiting for me to explore,

I have a few days,
found some extra time,
between flying to NYC,
then flying to Milan,
to find my way to El Mirador,
it’s a six day hike from Flores,
this is something that’s calling me,
told you before I’m a traveler not a tourist,

I’m packing my bags,
getting ready for another trip,
my business is straight,
and my 5th book is almost finished,

which gives me a few days to breathe,
to hike into the jungles in respect of the pyramids,
and I was packing my bags and getting everything ready,
when I decided to take a break and step out onto the balcony,

where to my surprise I found a man,
sitting in the dark,
resting in the infinite,
space of time and thought,

and when I discovered him,
he began to speak,
he told me he’d come from Amritsar,
and that he was a Sikh,

Seek and Ye shall find,
so I go with God,
and get back to getting ready,
for my trek to El Mirador.

— ∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆ —

The H Trilogy
Volume 1
7/7/16
∆

The wind howls my name,
whispering loudly for me to come home,
beckoning me back to the place where I’m from,
reminding me that nothing stays the same,

Moon in the sky my only friend,
on this Highway living life my way until the dead end,
I do not ignore death I’ve even tried suicide before,
but it’s not my time to go yet there’s more emotions to explore,
more words to write more messages to translate,
so sorry I’m not sorry Death will have to wait,

it’s late,
it’s early,
head in the clouds,
mouth taste all earthy,
the winds howl for me to come home,
whispering my name out loudly,

as I write with this anxious uneasy feeling,
from a mind that can’t settle and just keeps writing,
head so hot whole mind melting,
but emotions so cold that they’re biting,

bought the whole farm,
but at least it was turnkey,
to himself he’s a harm,
should be strapped to a gurney,
use me please abuse me please,
do anything except hurt me,

the winds howl proudly,
whispering loudly for me to come home,
beckoning me back to the place where I’m from,
reminding me that nothing stays the same…

∆ Aaron La Lux ∆

A list of lost poetry

Lies on my bed stand

and An archive of memories

Rests in your hand tonight

Another sob story

To another break up song

Another solitary cigarette

To another, “I knew better all along”

So, rather than the ladder

I’ll minimalize farther yet

Until I can’t believe in anything

and I manage to forget



She skipped the song

and Got right along to her favourite verse

She said she practiced, but forgot to rehearse

She says, “I hope I’ll be up to par, tonight”

She looked so fragile against my skin

My favourite probably was

The time when I

Believed the lie

What a pleasure it was to succumb

What a pleasure it was to feel alive

What a pleasure it is to say

I forgot to say good bye

She said it’s a control thing

Something that looks grim in the right kind of light

and I’m an eye sore to the onlooker

I guess I never worried much about that



Somewhere between wish I may

and Wish I might

Somewhere between

The fire

and The flame

Somewhere in between everything

I forgot to feel anything at all

I was never what you hoped I would be

but You have to admit, I did try

I tried everyday to give you something to believe

but I understand that some things

Just aren’t up to me

Some things you have no choice

but To sweep underneath

and The floor’s starting to lose shape

Under the weight of things



She knew the horizon, it wouldn’t change anything

We run from our geographical locations

Thinking that our region will change

Our core being

Created in God’s image, we are foolish creatures by nature

We ride on hope that’s never been validated by anything

We dig our fingers into the sand and revel in our pipe dreams

She’s praying against all odds that her rod

Isn’t the one that gets struck by lightening

“I’m not ready,” she said

“How can I let go,

When I don’t even know where I’ve been?”



At the end of the night

She lit a cigarette

She watched her smoke

Billow into the sky

She tucked her laces into her shoes

and Brushed off her jeans

She picked her keys up off the ground

Then she leaned in, and kissed me good night

It was written before it was stone, my friend
She tells me a thousand reasons why her tides turn as they do
Each one of them knotting up
Before she ties the noose
She says it’s nothing personal
To disregard anything that was misconstrued
but Wasn’t it you, my darlin’?
I think it was you

I saw her again, late last night
She was wearing a ball gown and was
Sporting her converse tennis shoes
I caught a glimpse of her
As she kneeled down before him
That’s the hard thing about her
She’s a lie, but you can’t know that
Until you know her
and If you’ve known her, you’ll know
That there is no use
It’s a repetitive cycle that just
Begs to be true

When they put it on the stone
They put it on the cross
They made molds to make shapes
To accommodate
For what was lost
They found that what they’d hoped for
Was just a mask, a mirage
So they made up their own story to tell the masses
and On the next Sabbath, slaughtered the cause

and I suspect they took their time sewing shut the valves of your heart

and I don’t know what to do
You always ask me
Like I pay attention to the news
You’re surprised each time
I can’t tell you the truth
But you know what I am, don’t you honey
You’ve got my number, and you’ve got a plan
and I hope you don’t take me down with it
I hope you don’t take me down in it

The street lights, they don’t need a guide
To show them how, to show them out of
The dark night, the street lights
Don’t mind if you mind’s swollen
and Your heart is left open like a
Gaping wound, the street lights
They’ll keep you company tonight

In that moment, I became afraid
There was a disassociative effect
There you were, on the bed
and Then here I was, on the floor
Pulling at my skin
and I glanced at the window pane
Hoping the snow would lift my spirits
Instead I saw shards of glass
In my fists, going at it
I can’t even trust my mind anymore
It used to be my safe haven
Suddenly everything I came here for is
Out of sight, out of vision
and You’ve left your sword
and Abandoned your mission

You walked me home
You came and got me
I didn’t think you’d come, or anybody
I didn’t care,
I never expected anyone to come anyway
I mean that in the plainest way
We are conditioned in circumstance
Nothing else

Some of us fair better than others
and You’ll either survive, or you won’t
It’s the natural order, the law of evolution
We’ll **** out the defective genes,
and Enhance the most
We live in a society that insists
You stand on your own
but We live in a world
With a collective mindset
Who do we trust,
Our roots, or society as a whole?

and In the meantime we’ll try
We’ll do our best
Not to feel alone

I think you better get yourself
Some medical attention
You might have to call an ambulance kid
It could be serious
but I know how serious
Serious gets
and Right now this mess we got here,
This ain’t nothin’
I’m not gonna even
Worry myself about it

When I left I took
All my stuff with me
I took your heart, as it was bleeding
I got in my car, and
As I was leaving
I saw you standing in the window
You were crying, I shut my eyes
Slipped into reverse
Couldn’t help but glance in the mirror
and There you were, still standing
I saw the woman in the day room
Behind mountains of boxes
I knew you’d never leave, in that moment
That I’d return to a silhouette
Still crying, and
I’ve loved you in a way that a monster cannot feel
I don’t understand it, but I had to go
It was one of those moments when
Everything you’ve learned goes out the window
and That queer sensation, that lump in my throat
I didn’t know what it was until something willed me
To return home, you can’t identify
What you don’t know

In plain language
I don’t know how I’ll find a way
To forgive myself, but you
Keep trudging, you keep
Moving forward, because you
Don’t know what else to do
With yourself, because you can’t
Go home, this is your home,
but You are candescent
and Until the light returns to her heart
You will stand in the backdrop of it

You get what you payed for
and You take what’s yours
You don’t bother asking anyone
Who they are anymore
You just hum your song along
Until you get to the gate
Then you show the attendant
Your intention to go only one way

She says,
“It’s a ride you can’t get off,
and It curves around the bend
Where she takes you,
She’ll decide,
Right there and right then”

So what you mean to say
In so many words
Is that I’m powerless?

Nonetheless,
You get what you payed for
and You know you can’t complain
This box here contains
Only the sentiments you can’t
Find a way to blame

So you pull ‘em out
and Look them over
Until the hurts gone away
Even though it seems impossible
Today

And every day I look for the magic,
and every day he'd look for good.
Same, I said through a whirlpool of tongue
"Same" and it circled and crashed and pushed out the lie.
One will find sinners
the other  find fools.
and either way both of us
find why we came.
Kiss me then, hot
in the corner with your hands
above my shoulder on the wall.
Kiss me and keep me from looking
keep me from finding sad and hopeless.
I said, bind me then.
So that I may not reach out
and I'll find just the good.
And he came at me with magic tricks
and belly dances.
He came with divinity and bound my feet tiny.
Take smaller steps to reach heaven now,
And I fell to my knees kissing a dirt road
lined with stained glass fragments.
I crawled until the blood from my legs
matched nothing at all on earth
for I have taken all the
red from the sea, taken all the
red from the burn.
Taken all the red from child's crayon.
Taken all the red from the sun.
And he takes me and makes magic to me under this nothingness sky
and we find good,
in the chaos we find good.

sahn 3/12/2015

I will love you with a fierceness,
coal burning stove hotness.
I will fire with the pistons
of the seven deadly sins.
I will love with  great sorrow
for all the widowed and the ghosts
of what is yet and
what has wandered
woeful, wistful warm and wry.
I will love you with a wetness
thick like oceans foam
and I will hide it-
All my anger
at the bottom of a wave.
So you can dance on the shore of it,
so you can wade in the salt of it
so you can watch it recede-
So you will know it must leave you.
I will love you like a clover.
In a thousand clovers hovered
in a field of the wheat and grasses,
long and itching.
tall and reaching
trap your ankles as you walk.
And in that glory green
I will be in the shadow patient
with your wishes, clover me.
I will love you like dark loves you.
With no motive, with no hue.
with your fears and self-flagellations.
with your faults and accusations-
I will love you as dark finds you,
in the shadows, in the grief.
I will love you.
And when I love you
you will know no other self.
When I am stone,
when I am marble
I will love you ever so.
When I am stone
and I don't grieve so-
I will love you evermore.


Sahn
5/7/15

i watch his magic trick
in the morning by the sink
with the crunch of the blade
he goes from monster to man...
with the sleek silver rake
he goes from mine only
to the all the worlds.
and i am jealous of the world
my eyes watch him
as he clears the charming stubble
and tames the wild curls.
and i peek at his belly,
soft and pale
with sprouts of hair
like a man jungle.
and i watch him
with the cottoniest of cottons
ironed and pressed
shirt like a gift wrapped tight-
edges and clean lines.
i close my eyes and inhale
because next i will smell his smell.
and keep them closed
for him to lean over
inhale
and kiss me goodbye.
i don't want to hear the door close
but it does.
and i watch the hands as they
tick
tock
and i watch that **** door that let
him go
become the door that brings him back home.

Sahn
4/24/15

You want to kiss her.
Lip color makes a sunrise blush-
You have to know
If she'll be soft inside.
You want to taste her,
To figure out,
if she'll dart or will she wallow.
You want to kiss her
but you can't say why.
You want to touch her.
Watch her skin across the room.
You know the hollows-
want to trace them with your thumb.
You'd be so gentle, you'd move yourself
with your deft hand,
you want to touch her-
but you can't see why.
You want to smell her.
Scrub that cheap scent from off her clothes.
Get close and know her
with every sensory she brings.
You want to smell her-
like on the pillow when she leaves.
You need to smell her
but you won't know why.
She makes you achy.
You know the tiny things about her.
You gather pieces,
watching out from under lashes.
You'd wait for timing.
You'd wait for fate to give you courage.
She makes you achy
And you don't fathom why.
She makes you need her and
you can not find
why.

Sahn