She is bright and happy,
Lighting up the room-
Living like she’s caught in a reverie,
Navigating the twists of life
As though it was easy.
Enrapturing everyone with her flawlessness.

But she covers her sorrows with that cheer
Hiding the struggle, the quiet pain.  
Her clandestine ways fooling everyone.

Nobody notices,
The way she cries herself to sleep.
The way she can’t look in the mirror.
The way she exists in a world of darkness-
An inescapable shadow on her life.

She glows.
She breaks.
She laughs.
She cries.

I am her.
And she is me.

I put a spell on you
Convinced you I was fine
Told you how happy I was
Lived like the sun still shone bright
Like the stars hadn’t dimmed
I didn’t let you see
The darker side
The crying late at night
The constant checking in the mirror
The skipping meals
The constant stress
The last flicker of light,
Blinking out
I promised I was good
Promised that the world was not ending
I put a spell on you
So that you wouldn’t see

I’m drowning and nobody can hear
I’m suffocating but nobody sees
I’m slowly dying
But not a soul is there to witness it
I’m alone
In a room full of people
My heart is shattered and strained
From loving too much
Love without reciprocation
They see me but they don’t see who I am
What I feel
I spent every wish and piece of luck
Wishing they wouldn’t leave me
Even though I’m drowning
And they’re not there to pull me out

In a haze of anger
The touch of a horrible boy and my screams shake my bones

My mentor repeats my name
Until I am in front her
My mind folding in on itself

I tell her every ounce of rage, fear, and hate
The only things my heart can grasp
I spill until I am empty

The person I look up to
Funny, kind, understanding, strong

Says
"I understand more than you will ever know"
I realize we aren't so different after all

Hope is a lie people cling to
a lie they wish upon believing it
But one day it'll disappear into the blue
Watching your dreams shatter bit by bit

Hope is a lie with feathers
Silently waiting for you
But once you get near it shatters
runs away from you like an unsolved clue

Hope is a lie, a cruel one
One which leaves you waiting for more
and when your happiness reaches its peak
It leaves you broken and alone
It leaves you shaken from the bones to the core
It leaves you empty and feeling like a freak

Hope is a lie, many learned to be careful fromButt those unfortunate souls dressing for prom
thinking they're going to get their prince
But leaves the floor drunk from drinks

And so goes for love
making a fool of us
tricking us, making us think we're above
The heartbreak it does is treasonous

Christmas used to be cookies,
Left out for Santa
Christmas used to be hanging ornaments,
Collected over the years
Christmas used to be waking up early,
Trying to catch Santa in the act
Christmas used to be real trees,
Piled high with presents
Christmas used to be family,
Happiness, safety, and home
Christmas is now saving money,
To buy enough presents for everyone
Christmas is now plastic ornaments,
Because the old ones aren’t at this house
Christmas is now sleeping late,
The only break from life you get
Christmas is now carrying in the fake tree,
Leaving small gifts that mean nothing
Christmas is now disappointing,
Just faint memories, forgotten traditions
What Christmas used to be
Different now-
But we still pretend it’s the same

I had a piggy bank when I was young
Cheap, easy to break
It cracked once,
But my dad could fix it
He could always fix it
He sealed it up to look brand new
Eventually it was thrown out
It was too broken,
Couldn’t be fixed

I’m the piggy bank
So many cracks that are just sealed shut
But glue doesn’t always hold
Sometimes things creep through the cracks
I’ve been fixed,
But never enough
People only see the outside
They don’t see the breaks
Ones that have been hidden
When will I get to the point,
When I’m just not worth fixing?