The heart swells and swells,

a bit threatening. The heart hardens

and hardens, frightfully...

I am afraid for my heart.



I feel its mound beneath

the flesh of my breast, thudding

when it is tender, feeling absent when

it hardens...



The heart tries to soften when it becomes

hard, to keep thudding and rising, afraid

of the silence.



When the heart feels love,

it swells, enlarged with

blood and promise, anxious

for the sound of its own drum.

As I lie here, half awake
my brain juices stewing
your memory makes me quake
with absolute longing

You come in quietly
sit on my mind’s edge
soft pads silent as Cait Sith
perched on a dream ledge

Your face is never the same
it’s what is within that I recall
I don’t even know your name
still for you each time I fall

We walk the dream land
your hand light on my wrist
our sweet union unplanned
a reaching through mist

It seems I arrive as you’re
on your way to leave
your foot through the door
offer me your bed for reprieve

It’s so hard to let you go
let go of essence effervescence
for your return I don’t know
beyond reminiscence

of those golden hours
when being with you’s my bliss,
O shape heart’s mind scours
from depths so often remiss

during the hours I am awake
so at night my heart will play
make my essence quake
wish never to go back to day
~
NM
11/29/20

He awakened my eyes to an unrivalled love,
Insomnia grips me,
I stare at him,
Lovingly,
Intoxicated by his very being.
In that moment,
I never thought I'd ever have to watch him,
leaving.

Let’s run away?

I never even fell in love with you
I never got the chance to feel more than just flighty feelings for you
Sometimes I wonder what we would’ve been like
A pair of friends, of something more
Would you have taken a chance on me if I were more?
Was I wrong to think that you might’ve felt something too?
Why do people think we would mesh well if you can’t see it either?
I never got the chance to try with you
I wish I didn't have to block out three months of whatever we were
Just to feel normal again
Why does it have to be awkward when we get paired together?
What can I do to fix it all?
I never even fell in love with you
But it feels like I did
This unrequited, unasked for, flighty finicky feelings of something
So yes, sometimes I think about what we could’ve been
I mean, you did hug me
I have the vague and foggy reminder of what it felt like
Your warmth enveloped my chill
And it all felt normal and right
Just for that very moment
It felt like home
It felt solid but…
I never even fell in love with you
I was in awe of who you had become
Yet it seems like you never changed at all
Had I created this new version of who you are just to please myself?
To justify what I thought about you?
I never even fell in love with you

i dont know why i still think about you
i shouldn't even care about you
but i do
and i hate it
i hate that i still think about you
and who you are to me
i hate how your voice makes me smile
how you make every song sound better
i hate how you knew just how to make me feel better
how we were supposed to stay friends
i hate how even though i say i hate you
i dont
i still care
and i still think about you
how you basically live in my head rent free
how good you look in a white button down and black slacks
how those glasses make you look so handsome
i could list a million things but they there aren't enough words
to describe how wonderful you are and can be
id say you are picture perfect
but thats just scratching the surface
you have grown and flourished
like a dandelion or a sunflower
i sometimes wonder if wed talk more if i hadn't given you that letter
if you would text me songs or just random things
but here we are
not friends or more
just strangers with moments shared between them