Your mom still calls me pretty
even though I pretend you don't exist.
I know I've loved you forever
built a house and a bed out of sticks
then burned it all down
like a candle to the wick.
Look at you with such admiration
and I start to feel sick.
Sealed by doom, in 2017
healed by your lips.
Seeking out a brand new lover -
it's you that I miss.
Made out of nerves like second hand china,
always shattered like this.

I hope you'll choose me
repair me, take me to your place
know this rejection is something
I must finally meet face to face.
Calling on your landline, late and weary
it's like screaming into space.
Drove around in a circle
because you always know what's right
with the windows down, I'm blinded
your smile so unbelievably white
and I wish I could stop feeling
like I'm such an ugly sight
maybe then you'd want me
and I'd have less to write.

i may have you chained in my orbit
and i'll never let you go
but i know you'll still miss the sun
485,000,000 miles away
inverse cube law reducing
the light to nothing
yet still warmer than anything
you'll find here on europa.
and who knows if there's life
or it's just ice
all the way down
for kilometers
and she's so cruel
but still so kind; in comparison
negentropy, a spark of light
better than anything you'll find
in this frozen wasteland of my mind
better than minus 210 degrees fahrenheit
desolate ocean, planet's end
and i know you'd rather feel the warmth
of a distant sun; always better
than anything
you'd find
on europa

This question makes me contemplate
Could we have sooner, or were we too late?
Was it destined, Foretold? Did we know all along?
Just Ecstasy? Easy Gold? Is this where we belong?
I thought long and hard

Did you remind me of better days? No, actually
Making me move forward, towards the light of vitality
For every pained memory I felt from then till now
You helped release me from them, to you I offer a tearful bow

Was it a savior complex? For a while I'll admit
I was still uneasy, rarely wanting to persist
Perhaps letting my guard down is what made me realize
Just how many tragic memories you kept behind your eyes
Was that what made us so compatible?

Perhaps its cause this is the first time I feel confidence
To blindly walk into you without prejudice
Openly assuming you feel this way too
And just how easy it was to say "I Love you"

Was it ******* attraction? To me physically wanting this?
Or how your voice calmed me down in it's sugar-coated bliss
Your hazel eyes, your voluptuous hips
Your child-like laugh, your unexpectedly talented quips
With every second I think of this, my attraction truly grows
Perhaps it was Faith, but I truly love you and our odds
And deep down I know you were sent by god

I hate you so much
Because I love your stupid face
I hate it when you text me
Because I wait for it all day
I hate it when you lie
But I’ll still come back for more
I hate that we have fun
Because I wish you made me bored
I hate you in the morning
When I wake up from my dreams
I hate that you’re in every one
I can’t escape it seems
I hate you in the evening
When your face keeps me awake
And I hate you with each and every
Single breath I take.

You’re slipping away from me. My instinct is to tighten my grip as much as I can. But I forget that love is water. The tighter I grip, the more it slips through my fingers.

i don't have the courage
to spill my feelings
or even fight for you

but i also don't have the guts
to finally, cowardly,
and undoubtedly give you up

tethering hopelessly,
i am contented to never be,
contented within an arm's length
for i am yours to hold
but you're not mine to own.