It is still you———

while it is her... still

My ‘if only’
My inconsolable regret,
My struggle and my strength.

although the years have now come and gone,
one thing i have never ceased to stumble apon,
was the extent to your personality; a touch of savage with
a heavenly grace,
while most boys would stop at the simple beauty of your face.

i may have choose wrong to attempt to stay away,
but ive always admired you beyond great dismay,
although my last hope of love with you may have far past expired,
with these drugs my broken heart and soul may be rewired,

but as long you may remain happy,
i must avoid all chance of getting sappy,
and every day that my mind may pass my own self regret,
for the lack of my actions in being a clueless boy; my mind shall
be forced to accept the unspeakable debt,

time after time it appeared to be only you reaching out your hand,
to your power i could not make words i found it hard too so much as stand,

and perhaps one day, i will once again, find the willpower to live,
thats so far lost; i may as well be a inmate ;in for life and bleeding out stuck with a shiv,

but then and only then my fire may reignite
finally past this existence, maybe even a delight

but until then ill keep up my smile,
cause i know apon a moments gaze; we both know its been awhile,

but can you really blame me; for years straight
after i only wanted our unhealthy love to wait

you treated me like i was nothing not even real, every time i tried ; or at least thats how you made it feel,
up until you decided to date my best friend now your both over there...

until i regain my emotional strength i may disassociate n pretend to not so much as care.
and i refuse to even acknowledge your attempt to openly declare,
about my lack of presence unaware,
that my dreams of you have  just been those mistaken but of nightmares,

from the image of forever chasing you down the halls,
as all im left with is a false fading sense of hope ;awhile i move on to success and building up my protective walls,

even though i knew my chase would never come to a fair end,
but given all my assets; im still mainly heartbroken that once apon a time i lost such an amazing best freind....