How crazy my life is???

At First
I loved you
Like nothing,
You were there all day
Running through my mind
And I have gone through
Trillions of tears
Falling from my eye
All yearning for You...
But
You never felt my pain
You just ignored
The fact that
You Love me
And said
You never gonna love me

And then
Suddenly one day
You disappeared
From my lonely life
and surprisingly
I didn't cry for you
Instead I consoled my self
That I didn't lose anything
In my life,
And if there's anyone
to lose Because of this,
It's none other than
But
Deep inside my heart
I secretly hoped
For you to come back to me

And finally
After two months
Of your disappearance
You came back to me,
I didn't knew
What to say or what to do
You were completely
A changed person,
You said that
You are coming
To see me,
Then  I felt that
You really missed me,
You wanted me to choose
The colour of your shirt
That you are going to wear
When you are coming to see me,
Then I felt you need me,
You asked what I want
From you, so that you could buy it
And come when you are coming
To see me,
Then I felt that
You really love me

This is not so you
I knew the person
I loved very well
He had gone
And this same person
Who came back
Was completely different....

If I were the girl
Who loved you crazily
I would have cried
And might have said
Those hurting words
"I love you"
But
Your ignorance have
Changed me completely
That I don't know
What to do
That you are here
And I don't want
To utter those cupid words
As I'm not ready
For another heart break
Because
I couldn't find any valid piece
Of my heart
The first and the last time
You chartered and chopped it

it started early 2012 in the late afternoon
some girl told him she liked him he said 'i love you too'
i opened cutlery drawers trying to find a knife
and i spent the whole night wanting to end my life.
this went on for some months and then i lost my appetite
i couldnt stop the voices, what im thinking wasn't right.

but, two years on here i stand
wounds all healed but they still hurt, oh man...

you see there's some strength i found
think it belonged to someone else
i sat and drank it on my own
watching all the other girls
i felt it coursing through my veins but
everything, it felt the same
this numbness in the pain - i'm so tired of this game

but, two years on here i stand,
i'm still not 6 feet in the ground
my head it hurts but earlier on i found these great pills

you see i met this girl sometime you see her head it was a mess
and her body, so so small, it weighed a lot less
than my leg, my anything but she isn't here anymore
i'll read her little note, i've read it 16 times before

'simple things might be a chore, like breathing, showering and feeding,
but i simply don't have energy, and right now, i am bleeding.
depression comes with a knife but all i have is this spoon'
then she looked into the sky and whispered 'nana, i'll see you soon'

not much later mother walked in and there, she was found
and now she's sleeping happily, deep under the ground

this isn't right, for anyone
she should be out having fun
smiling, spinning in the sun
but, i guess, life isn't for everyone

i think im lucky, think God loves me
cause i thought that i would die,
told myself i wasn't worth it but that was a ******* lie

because three years on, here i stand
i love myself, i love me cause i can
i think you should love yourself too
with your pretty little eyes the shades of blue
your hands are shaking, mine are too
but please, hold on i promise you, that i will hold you,
help you as much as i can. but its a one-man battle and i can only pick up pieces
i need to call someone for help, God i hope someone can reach us