Like those who have gotten too accustomed to the heat
That cold sickens them and weakens their bones
You have become a part of me
After you I'm a rotten soul

I lay here
on this very bed where you laid
You were so close to me
The scent of your body
drowned my senses

At the time I thought about
this very brief
very sweet moment
trying so hopelessly to grasp

And I could completely see
how this very moment would be unfolding
and led to
this moment
knowing this might be the
last time

Can you at all sense
my longingness
my helpless
an ocean away

I personally feel as if the technology we need to change the world in poverty and death. Has been available in our grasp for years on end, yet they pretend as if the advances don't exist slowly progressing their strategies one at a time. Introducing the next "big thing" one after the other creating the hunger for constant production. Now a days in 2015 we're so infiltrated  by deception never seeing the larger picture of what's coming for Us. Muse (band) and a few other alternative rock groups open my eyes to discover hidden truths within myself. Realizing there are no significant differences in you and me. Seeing the world as a industry no longer looking through the lenses of morality.

A calf without milk
Ripped from the womb
Mother's hair like silk
Lay stiff in the tomb

And father's embrace
To go up in flames
Our house to misplace
In a lion's main

My siblings so dear
Strung far apart
Lost and in fear
Rip out my heart

The system tells not
Of where we should go
It makes me burn hot
Through rain and in snow

Lost were the lambs
Without mother's kind face
Lost were us lambs
Without father's sturdy place

Scattered are we
My siblings and me
No place to go
Nothing to be

I haven’t hit home yet but least I’ve got a roof over my head
Food on the table
Clothes on my back
But it’s nothing like the days I’ve spent with you
The good days- even if there was only a few of them
Working beside you during the day and cozying up against at you night
The pleasure of waking up next you every morning and coming home to quality time, kissing and caressing
No I still haven’t forgotten
Yes I am away from you but I have no peace of mind
My appetite dies as I wonder if you have still eaten
My days turn grey even when the sun smiles down at me
My sleep fades away when I find myself thinking about you at the middle of the night
My skin goes cold when I remember the feel of your embrace
And my eyes flow with the tears that have never been shed
For all the days spent on our bitter fights
Time wasted on cruel words and accusations
The nights you came home staggering through the door reeking of cheap alcohol and cigarettes
All the nights that were wordlessly spent even though we lay next to each other in the same bed
The thoughts of you still torment me by the hour and keep me up at night
But the day after is the absolute worst
No kind words or coffee to wake up to
Only an empty house filled with our old trinkets, and faded memories
Every day I embark on the same quest… of finding my old self again
Trying to relive the days that I vaguely remember and bring out all the pleasures I’ve denied my self
Some days result in triumph but most nights end is tears and despair
It is not my spirit that’s broken but my heart
My aching heart!
that still cannot seem to forget you
but beats with the hope that you will one day come back as a changed man

He told her she was pottery; a vase with grooves and cracks.
The patterns of the history she hid behind her back.

Within his words he layered in- like thread upon a loom-
The sweetest undercurrent to illuminate that gloom.

In certain cultures, he decreed, when pottery is cracked
They aggrandize them with gleaming gold to bring their splendor back

For they believe, with certainty, once damage has been wrought
Those tiny cracks, now filled with light, hold truths that can't be taught.

Take a seat. Far in the back. Yeah. That's right. Right there. In that end of the wagon where you can barely see out through the rounded corner of the window next to the seat in front of you. Perfect. Be invisible. Only look at another human when you show your ticket. You bought the cheapest one you could find. You don't even have a seat. Not really. Someone could actually come and claim the one you're in. The risk of being forced away feels all too pressing. Any second now. You pause your music but keep your earpieces in as you listen for every sound. You steal glances of every by-passer in the corner of your eye. You check the clock on your phone. It's one minute past the departure time. The train should be moving by now...

Someone sits down next to you. You notice that it's a woman but you have no idea what she looks like because in this country we don't look at each other. We don't invade each other's personal space. Very important. Sharing is not always caring. We can seem cold but that's not our intent...

The train finally starts rolling. Four minutes late. You're hoping the woman next to you isn't bothered by the sound of your chewing gum. The sound of your teeth touching. The sound you make when you swallow. The sound of your breathing. The sound of your existance. You crossed your legs a few minutes ago. Right over left. Now your left foot has grown numb and your right leg is starting to ache too...

You didn't want to go. You didn't want to leave her. But real life called and forced you back to it. They lied to you when they sold the idea of adulthood as something... Yeah, what? What did we expect? Why were we itching to grow up so badly? For all the obligations? For expensive loans? For complicated papers to fill out, food to by and a roof to somehow keep over our heads? For leaving? For abandoning love and happiness in order to do what needs to be done?

I don't want to go. I don't want to leave her. But real life called and now this train is taking me back to it.

I can't bear the thought of leaving her
My heart that races when I see her
Stopped and still inside my chest
My life's blood
That I would so gladly bleed for her
Dead within my veins
Casting off that cold corpse like a blanket
And flying into the darkness
Leaving her so alone
A broken widow in this world
Her soul mate flown
Gone away without her
I can't bear the thought of leaving her
Just going away
Leaving her nothing
But my cold flesh to cry on