There is no right move,
No path to take,
To get away from the cell I've made,
I count my life in breaths until the moment of my death,
But until that comes all that is to be done,
Is to search for light inside my soul,
Ill strike a match to ignite the fire ,
That will burn inside my soul,
And in the glow i may finally know what ticks inside of me,
Goodnight to sorrow perhaps tomorrow will fill with joy,
There may be a place for me inside this soul,
I want it not for what i might receive,
But for something of worth i have to offer.

Body

Up for sale
one used soul mate
Still some useful miles left
Good second soul to scoot around in
One owner
Female who drove him to church on Sundays
And just sat around the rest of the week
Kept outside so paint is faded unevenly
Tires need replacing
Needs brakes and muffler
Transmission slips and skips
Must sell , to pay for new replacement
Cheap , all offers will be considered .

I left myself
With words unspoken
Falling down
On a heart, unbroken.

I fell within,
my deepest conscious.
I learned to swim,
Although I was cautious.

I take a breath,
of my polluted surroundings.
My soul full,
of worthless doubting.

I  walked along,
went with the crowd,
I hid myself,
in the shadows.

I fell asleep,
I dreamt my dreams,
Where everything is as it seems.

And as I wake,
Each day I say,
Welcome, welcome to another.

Another day, of hope and prey,
as I search for meaning,

The life of a long lost lover.

I wish I was strong enough to make you happy
I know all about you
How you’ve been hurt
The things you worry about
But I saw how I made you smile
And for a moment we were in that place
Our lives were together
And you became someone new

I wish I was weak enough to need you
I’ve learned to be alone
With my thoughts
And my dreams
But I saw how we could be
And I miss being that way
With a lover
Who knows how to be true

I wish we both knew how to love
Like birds flying together
Instead of alone in a cage
We could be free
But our fears remain
And our gift remains unopened
So we look at the paper and ribbons
And wonder who to give it to

Thou art air...


I,  a corpse.

If I don't have your love
I hope I'm at least on your mind

Out of sight
It hurts baby
To never see you
But maybe you're thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you

If he has your love
I hope he knows how to treat you

In his arms
It hurts baby
To never hold you
But maybe he can't feel you
The way I do

If we never love again
I hope you know nobody compares to you

Walking alone
It hurts baby
You made me see
But I'd rather see it with you
The way I hoped it would be

The faded flicker of the far off clock was my only source of light. Until I picked up my phone and let my 2 A.M. thoughts run rampant. They made my fingers race across the screen. Made them play tag. They swiped and pinched until finally there you were. At 2 A.M. you were in my hands again. You're smile was as wide as ever and your eyes held the same glitter like they did when you used to talk to me. And You spoke about me even more. People would often come up to me and say that my name was all that would slip off your tongue. And I remembered that snake. The first time it brushed against my lower lip wanting access like a lion knowing that there was more to life than it's own cage. But to everyone, you spoke of me like I was the one who made the sun rise, who put the stars in the sky, who made the wind blow, and who made your world as you knew it turn.
My 2 A.M. thoughts made my fingers dance again. And another you appeared before me. All dressed up. Like we were married. But far from it. We sat like we had to save space on the Mayflower. I was in your lap and your arms were around my fragile frame. And I knew I would never love someone as much as I loved you that night. And my 2 A.M. thoughts brought me to the messages. Where are little "I love you more" fights were held and our futures were voiced. Remember that?
I was only a few months older than you. And I remember saying that I had to wait longer for my soulmate to come to me. And there you were again. In my head talking to me when we were bestfriends. While tapping on the plastic on the screen, the fingers fought for their right to voice the will of my 2 A.M. thoughts.
And I wrote about how I met you so far, way back when. I wrote about the dances we went to, the dates we laughed about. And then ultimately the 2 A.M. thoughts brought me to the deepest places I never wanted to let set free again.
And they scrambled on the keyboard of the phone! CAPS LOCKs, sorrys, pleads, and begs. Explanation after explanation and so many what if's. And I read it and read it. And only now did I realize that I was choking on the tears that you left me with. And I continued with the rant, and blamed you for what happened and blamed you for the causes. And then I stopped. And wept into the cold tear stained pillow, screaming into it like it was my last shot at everything I could ever have been. And once I felt numb enough to pretend that it wouldn't bother me anymore I let the small sobs escape my quivering lips and I destroyed the barrage of words that was my 2 A.M. thoughts. And instead willed my hands to let the fingers dance once more as I typed:

You're coming back, right?

_____

You're coming back right (sent 2:35 A.M.)
  (read 2:36 A.M.)

. . .

And the dots they came.
And I waited.
But inevitably,
Just like you,
They left me with the question:
You're coming back, right?