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Nikita Jul 2021
In the distance
A light began to shine
Sitting on the porch
We waited curiously

A soft tap was heard
The tapping grew louder
As we exchanged glances
A lady’s voice called out to us

“Stop it” She yelled.

In the distance
The light grew brighter and hungrier
As quick as an engine roared to start
The roar just as quickly, came to a halt

Frustrated murmurs
Fists against glass
He wanted his keys
Leave her alone, please

I imagined the stench of his whiskey stained breath
As possible scenarios invaded my head
Was she safe? Was he drunk?

I asked these questions out loud
But I don’t remember any answers
Searching for them myself
I stumbled closer to the sound

Now she was screaming.
Don’t hurt me
Please don’t hurt me
There’s a baby

I had to help her.

Running back towards the group
No memory of talking to them
I’m sure that I did
I only remember

Gritting my teeth
Closing my eyes
Covering my ears
Trying to block out the sound

Her screams and cries for help
Slowly morphed and twisted
Into my brothers voice
His six year old voice

The tapping on the window
Became the rattling of a bunk bed
The woman’s screams and yelling
Became my baby brothers cries for help

I’ve gone backwards.
10 years.

It’s been three days since
I heard her yell
And three days since
his screams began

It’s been three hours since
I took the pill bottle
And three hours since
I put it down again
It was a painful night. I don’t think I can ever put into words how helpless I felt that night. No experience has ever felt as close to my childhood before. The police were called and I think that she’s okay. I’m okay now too thanks to my beautiful friends and partner.
lucidwaking May 2021
---TRIGGER WARNING: themes related to ****** trauma.---

On an evening alone, dark and dismal,
I laid upon my crisp floor rug.
Stomach down, back up,
Thinking about the one I love.
I mused and mulled over many things,
Such as how I cared for her so,
Or when we'd next meet,
And what I'd even say.
As I continued to think and think,
My mind settled on other kinds of things.

I bit my lip; I stalled for a moment.
I hovered a thumb over the enter key,
And with a single exhale released my hesitation.
"How to figure out my kinks," or
"How to ask about her kinks."
I felt like a child, sneaking onto the home computer at night,
And finding a timid sort of delight
In googling "*****."

So I continued...
Taking a quiz here,
Reading a page there,
When something stopped me in my tracks.
Something cold ran down my back,
Like a spectre tracing my spine with a finger -
An otherworldly shiver.
Not a shiver of excitement or elation,
But rather one of danger,
Signaling an unholy presence hanging over me.

I could see them as I glanced up.
His eyes:
Smiling
  Laughing
      Singing
                       Feeding
                                                   Growling
                                                        ­                                       Burning
                                                         ­     Knashing
                                Decaying
        Wa­iling
                                               Devouring
                                                       ­                                       Bloodcurdling
Looking, seeing right through me.
My ceiling fan stirred his viridescent hair;
Pulled at the petals of the rose between his teeth.
His grin grew wider
As the stem's thorns grew longer,
Piercing his raw, red gums.

He came to remind me, it would seem...
Remind me that he still existed.
He wanted to remind me that
He still haunted the sides of my head -
Stirring, kneading my temporal lobes.
Searching the gaze in his eyes, I remembered.

I remembered feeling more worthless than dirt.
I remembered the validation I thought I needed.
I remembered the guilt, shame, and fear.
I remembered feeling like a disgusting, useless ****.
I remembered trying to avoid sending him photos.
I remembered staring at my ceiling,
Sobbing quietly in the night,
Silently screaming within my chest
For help.
To be saved...
By someone, anyone.

But most of all...
But most of all,
I remembered why I couldn't be loved.
Not in that way, at least.
My demon, who for some reason I still cling to,
Reasons that I don't even understand,
Won't allow it.
I blinked, and all but his eyes vanished,
Leaving me with a small thought as opposed to immense fear.
Maybe it's okay that I could never enjoy a partner that way?
Perhaps I could learn to be complacent with that.
Perhaps I could learn to be content with that.

I yawned, chucked my phone aside,
And closed my eyes to sleep.
I was iffy on posting this one. Hopefully including a trigger warning is enough for this piece - while the themes aren't overly explicit, they are there. Feel free to let me know if this piece is inappropriate for HePo. I'm glad I conceptualized this character and wrote this piece, but that doesn't mean it has to be posted, especially if it's too triggering.
As always, I welcome criticism! Thanks.
Galilei Apr 2021
Sitting beside my window
Holding my favorite pillow.
Staring at the stars,
Feeling the peace in the dark.

A book fell from my shelf,
Now I'm scaring myself.
Inside the darkness,
I'm not feeling any more emptiness.
its close to 2 am. can't sleep so i wrote this because im inside this neverending darkness.
mica Apr 2021
"thinking about the future... it scares me,"

"why?"

"because you're venturing out towards the unknown..."
brain rot
NK Apr 2021
It feels like, I’m waiting on something,
But I don’t know what that “something” is
All the comfort that was I used to in the past,
Now, it seems to cease


Suddenly, it feels as if I’ve lost everything,
The next moment it feels as if I’m yet to earn it1
One thought makes me wanna let go of everything,
The other makes me wanna catch everything that is gone


One thought makes me wanna lose myself,
The other makes me wanna love myself
One thought makes me feel deserted2,
The other makes me wanna feel the bliss


One thought makes me wanna feel sad3,
The other makes me wanna rush to the happiness I want4
One thought makes me wanna die,
The other makes me wanna live my bestest life


One thought makes me feel alone,
The other thought makes me feel so lively
One thought makes me wanna bark it out,
The other makes me wanna duck in it


How could I go with what I feel?
This time, I look around, there’s nothing to heal,
All this time I feel like running away,
But, I swear, I no more want to conceal


                My brain is filled with something,
When I ask, it seems to be nothing
Apparently, there’s nothing in there,
But what I see with my closed eyes5 haunts me more than the reality


Seeing myself, crawling on blood
One thought makes me brave enough to endure
The other makes me coward enough to leave


“what’s all that?!” I always think,
I know these thoughts of mine will never sink
Seeing myself like that, the whole time makes me wanna wake up,
But the reality seems to be no different


It’s just the thorns which convert to words
The torture converts to action
The evil becomes mortal6
And the lucid7 becomes reality










1 feeling of losing something I never had; 2 feeling of having nothing left; 3 choose what the others want/make the wrong choice and be sad for the rest of my life; 4 choose what I want and be happy; 5 dreaming; 6 humans are the evil in reality and are mortal; 7 not real/imaginary
A bit of dicey thoughts, they are scary. So, here are some of my dicey thoughts
Hex Apr 2021
On a night where no moon shines,
I lie and brood in my confines,
Nocturne's wolf has come to dine,
Gnashing canines with sharpened claws,
Over is night--devoured by the maw,
The wolf opens wide, an unhinged jaw,
I stare in awe, in saccharine fear,
A beastly roar is all I can hear,
Yet I feel no pain--Only a lonesome tear.

I open my eyes to a room bathed in black,
On the floor is a woman, in a dress of lilac,
She stands with a shiver, and turns me her back,
Dark hair covers cracked skin--porcelain but soft,
She stared at me gravely, shaking oft,
Then slowly she danced as I sat and watched,
She twirled, pranced, and spun, but once she botched,
Then she sat, knowing night had its victim notched,
The Ballet of Shadows had come to rest--
     --but not yet had my final test.

I slept again, and woke in the dark,
Now, there was a mirror, a saviour from stark,
Painted in white, it was fit for a monarch,
On top, a remark, a blackened skull,
My reflection itself, appearing so dulled,
My face was blank, and emotion was null,
My eyes were closed, but I could still see,
As I watched my smile twisting with glee,
And crimson nectar leaking through teeth,

The mirror shell cracked, my nerves were wracked,
From the mirror I retreat, but with me it backed,
My instincts raced, my psyche attacked,
The me in the mirror began to convulse,
Quickening was the beat of my pulse,
Beating like drums, a rhythm repulsed,
Then it stopped, the mirror froze,
And off to sleep I began to doze,
Not before my mirror had one last prose,

One finger raised--be silent, mouth closed.
An experiment with dark and disturbing poetry. Let me know if you think you can decode this one.
g Mar 2021
Driving 90 miles down the highway at 3am on a Tuesday
Night
Hair flying in the backseat radio blasting at 30
the future is bleak
And the past is dreary
18 years old almost on the edge of 19
Emotions seem unbearable and other times weak
Nothing is ever alright I just sit in my room
and imagine myself grown over night
I cant pretend the future isn’t scary id be lying if I said that
I act a 1000 years my age no one understands that
I don’t know my purpose The search might take my lifetime
What happens when the lights go out ?  Am I in heaven ? Am I alright ?
To say I have worries is way over my head, anxiety creeps in while I’m laying in bed
Is it wrong to think I’m meant for more than this life ?
Think positive think positive I’m trying cant you see !
The more I think positive the more unfortunate I believe
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